Usher's Life Sorta Doesn't Suck

A teenage model got a little more than she signed up for when she went to Usher's hotel room. Expecting straight-ahead groupie sex, maybe a social disease or two, she wound up in a tangle of seven naked bodies on a bed, with Usher sitting like a very ripped cherry on top.

19-year-old Joanna Bond was invited back to the singer's hotel room after he spotted her at London's Boujis club. His bodyguard warned her with, "Are you sure you want to go in? Because there are adult things going on..." and Joanna's answer was apparently "yes". She ended up walking into a full-on Greek-style orgy. The story is best told in the model's own inimitable style: "The blonde girl immediately pounced and started kissing and touching me. As she caressed every intimate part of my body Usher and his mates were making appreciative noises. After about 10 minutes Usher moved in and starting having sex with me. He didn't say anything, I just knew what he wanted. But the blonde was tangled up with us, fondling me, and the combination of the two made the sex explosive. Meanwhile [another model] and the other girl were touching each other's breasts with the remaining guys just watching. Usher didn't really talk much. Everything was instinctive. But he has a fantastic body. He obviously works very hard at it and is very proud of it. His six-pack is amazing. And he's impressively built where it matters, too." (She means his wiener!!!) After banging Joanna, Usher started barking out instructions and telling her what to do with the other girls. "When he liked what he saw he'd let out an ‘Oooh yeah!' or ‘That's hot!'" What would a hot models n' singer orgy be without a few clever pop culture catchphrases thrown in to keep the party laughable spicy? Why, just the other day at our weekly CelebNewsWire orgy, our staffers were groaning, "Ba da ba ba ba! I'm lovin' it!" and "You're fired."