Usher to Tori: You Lick Me! You Really Lick Me!

Do you remember how frigid and virginal Donna Martin was on 90210? How she made poor greasy David Silver wait for like ten years before she would finally get down to some humping? Well, Tori Spelling is no Donna Martin.

Spelling attended a pre-Kentucky Derby party last weekend, and apparently she's heard all the rumors about Usher just like we have. A source told the New York Daily News, "Tori came over to Usher, who was dancing on a table. She shook his hand. Then she began caressing it, then she ran it all over her face. Then she licked his fingers." We're sure Tori was just lending a helping hand to Usher, as he likely fell off the table he was dancing on hand first into a horse-shaped cake. Tori's very helpful like that. The source said that after the hand licking ceased, Tori lifted up her skirt and tried to join Usher on the table. But her husband, Charlie Shanian, put an end to that. Shanian was "infuriated. He pushed Michael Jordan out of the way, grabbed Tori and took her out of the party." Of course Tori's PR people have denied that any of these antics took place. We're just left wondering how a sweet dewy innocent such as Tori could have fallen to such an Usher-licking low. Then we look back at the beginning of the story, and we see the snake entering Eden. Before encountering Usher, Tori was seen holding hands with Tara Reid. First Lindsay Lohan, now Tori Spelling. Is there any celebrity that Tara can't bring down? We think that Dakota Fanning better keep her eyes peeled and not let Tara into her next birthday party. And while we're on the subject of Tara Reid, did we mention that she wasn't even invited to said party? A source told MSNBC, "A security guard kept her out, and she did the whole, 'Don't you know who I am' thing, and then a whole crowd outside started chanting, 'Let Tara In! Let Tara In!' So they went ahead and let her in." And even though Tara is reportedly humping the (meager) brains out of Tommy Lee, that didn't stop her from skanking up the joint. "She was going up to male celebrities and trying to cozy up to them, with little success," says the insider. "She kept trying to talk to Usher, but he pretty much ignored her." So Tori Spelling is deserving of Usher's time, but Tara Reid is not. That's gotta hurt almost as much as getting dumped by Carson Daly.
See Tori Spelling's Nude Review at MrSkin.com!