Two Sourpusses Have a Little Fun

If we asked you to name a Hollywood celebrity who takes themself way, way, WAY too seriously, whose name would come to mind? Sean Penn, right? Obvious. But now name another. Are you thinking Natalie Portman? Because we're thinking Natalie Portman. Now imagine the two of them making out. Gross, right? Yet somehow expected and totally right. Hmmmm. According to Star:

Sean Penn continues to live up to his reputation as a womanizer.

In the April 6 issue of Star, on sale today, we report that the married actor ó who had his wife Robin Wright Penn on his arm at the Academy Awards ó was seen in a passionate embrace with Natalie Portman.

Following dinner at Sunset Tower Hotel's Tower Bar on March 17 ó during which they were "constantly touching each other" ó Sean, 48, and Natalie, 27, hooked up. (They previously served together on the jury at the Cannes Film Festival in 2008.)

"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms," an eyewitness tells Star. "They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out."

"There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private," the eyewitness explains. "I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains ó and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves."

Whatever. They weren't making out. They were reading to each other from one of Neitszhe's original manuscripts (bought at auction at Sothby's and encased in protective plastic sheeting) and then talked about their "technique". (Acting, not screwing.)

P.S. We're sick of Sean Penn supposedly hooking up with all of these starlets. Just once we want to read about Robin Wright Penn spending a night on the town carousing with hot young dudes, making out with Robert Pattinson in a banquette. She deserves it.