Too Bad Kathy Didn't Say Filming The Simple Life Will Cause Premature Balding

Paris Hilton has revealed that she, like, cries when she hears herself sing. At least her own voice doesn't give her the urge to administer knob jobs, or else a night out at a club would leave her looking like Edward James Olmos.

Your sexual education probably consisted of a combination of dropped trou next to the dumpster behind Safeway and Ms. Garcia, the lesbian gym teacher with a moustache, disgustedly slipping a condom onto a banana during your state-mandated, week-long sex-ed class. Just be happy you didn't have Kathy Hilton to guide you through your body's urges and changing ways. In an interview with Blender Paris Hilton divulged her mama's sage advice:

My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters ñ she knew this person who had craters. Iím like, "What is that from?" Sheís like, "from giving blow jobs.î Iím like, "You get craters?" And I totally believed her. Sheís like, "Itís from sucking." Iím like, "Ewwww!" I told my boyfriend ñ heís like, "Why donít you ever do that?" Iím like, "Because my mom told me you get these craters." And heís like, "Paris, youíre 19. Youíre allowed to do this."

Unfortunately this anecdote has allowed us an unprecedented peek into Kathy Hilton's previously hidden sex life. But we think knowing that Kath's favorite role-playing game is "My face is on fire and your dick's the fire hose" is something that we could have gone our whole life without discovering.
Other nuggets spelunked from the Blender cave include: "And when this record comes out, people are gonna change their fuckiní tune. I, like, cry, when I listen to it, itís so good," and "I hate it when they fucking touch me." That last quote of course refers to dirty, non-famous, non-rich people. Apparently letting them look into the black hole known as her shaven snatch every time she exits a car is just peachy with her, though.
More highlights can be found at Us Weekly.

Paris didn't heed Kathy's advice. MrSkin.com knows this much to be true.