Hollow, broken shell of a human Katie Holmes is now betrothed to her boyfr. . . her lov . . . her . . . her Tom Cruise. The business transaction is nearly complete. Thank you, please drive through.
Phone Booth and Teaching Mrs. Tingle were very nice warmups for this, the role of a lifetime! After a few stumbling blocks (basically appearing reticent during the Oprah taping), the Hubbardians have properly broken K-Hole's will, and she's nicely slipped into her new role as the Billy Gibbons of Hollywood (get it?)! The ring is on her finger, the thetans are fleeing her person, and all is right with the world.
That's right, Tomkat are soon to be joined in holy matrimony, as Cruise admitted to a rapt audience at a press conference conveniently scheduled after he popped the question at the highly curious Eiffel Tower. "Yes, I proposed to Kate last night, because it is very beautiful and romantic here . . . I haven't slept all night. It's very exciting and very beautiful." He then punched a few journalists, stood on a table and did the Roger Rabbit, ripped off his man suit to reveal that he is actually a three-headed half dog/half dragon hybrid, and tore off into the night to feed on the entrails of the youth of France. It's so exciting! It's so beautiful!
Oh, and in case you're wondering what could possibly come next, Page Six offers up this really-not-so-terribly-blind blind item today:
Which top leading man interviewed three different starlets for the job of girlfriend/future wife before picking his new beloved? ìMark my words: Theyíll have a baby,î said our source. ìMaybe he or she will be conceived in a petri dish, but theyíll procreate.î
Katie, back when she was young, fresh, unsullied by Cruise, and naked: at MrSkin.com!
