Tom Sizemore: Can a brother get a break? Apparently not. After all the drug-doing, prison-time-having, and Fleiss-flogging, it's a wonder Tom has time to "battle" a rare disease that leaves him with an insatiable, raging bone-on 24/7. But with a name like "Sizemore", well, you're pretty much born into a mystical erectile destiny.
In possibly the greatest statement ever released by a Hollywood actor's spokesperson, Sizemore's manager explains his client's latest hardship (HARDship! Hey-ooooh!), a deadly affliction called priapism: "He can have sex nine times without stopping. His condition explains his sexual addiction. He's in the midst of a massive depression, but he's making tremendous progress." We can only take that to mean that by "progress," he means "jerking it upwards of 40 times a day," and by "depression" he means "unending glee." An L.A.-based urologist confirms that such a gift affliction is very real, stating, "Priapism is an abnormal, persistent, and painful erection that won't go down in spite of orgasm, and can be caused by alcohol or drug abuse."
Uh, aren't we ignoring the obvious here? Tom does NOT have priapism, people. He simply forgot to take off his fake schlong after his last drug test, and has been flagellating the useless latex appendage over and over and over again for months on end.
