Tom Cruise Vacations on the Island of Dr. Moreau

We fear we're starting to suffer from the gossip version of Stockholm Syndrome. Three years ago, had we heard about Tom Cruise speaking the wrong language to a group of Brazilian reporters, we would have had many witty remarks, called Tom stupid in about six different ways, and probably worked in a joke or two about repressing his gay alien love for Xenu. But now? Now we just say, "Hey, at least he was speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. That's pretty close. It's not like he greeted them in Chinese or Anne Heche's secret language." Page Six says of the mix-up:

TOM Cruise could use a geography lesson. In Rio de Janeiro hawking "Valkyrie," Cruise tried to ingratiate himself to reporters by saying hola (hello) and gracias (thanks), not realizing that the language of Brazil is Portuguese, not Spanish. Accord ing to Glamurama.com, Cruise also said he fell in love with Brazil watching movies about samba and tango, unaware that tango is an Argentine dance. Cruise, who's been staying with wife Katie and baby Suri at the Copacabana Palace, took a side trip to the private island of plastic surgeon Dr. Ivo Pitanguy, who has his own landing strip and a menagerie of exotic animals.

OK, hold up. Private island? Plastic surgeon? Menagerie of exotic animals? Just what in the ding-dang hell is going on here? Because if Katie started looking more and more like a giraffe in every picture, we wouldn't be too surprised. At least then Tom could abandon the pretense of wearing lifts.