The Sun is reporting that according to top leaders of the aliens-in-a-volcano religion, Tom Cruise is the Jesus of Scientology. A "source close to the actor" is quoted as saying:
ìTom has been told he is Scientologyís Christ-like figure. Like Christ, heís been criticized for his views. But future generations will realize he was right.î
Yes, and in the future, we will all celebrate Cruisemas (May 22, commemorating the release day of Far and Away), the day we gather with our families to grin maniacally, dance to "Old Time Rock and Roll" together, hang tab collar leather jackets on the fireplace mantle, and sing "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" after the somber Jumping of the Couch ceremony.
