Tila Tequila Gets Throat Throttled

There are lots of terrible things we’d like to do to Tila Tequila. Give her a noogie. Flick boogers upon her person. Ask her why the hell she bought boobs that big when she’s shorter than your average Gummi Bear. But trying to kill her via choking is out of line, which is why we can’t support football player/Tila humper Shawne Merriman. On Saturday night, the pair went to a club, where Tila was seen lap dancing all over the dude. They then retired to Merriman’s home, where some sort of foolhardiness occurred. NBC reports:

San Diego Chargers star outside linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested Sunday and accused of choking and restraining his girlfriend, reality TV star Tila Tequila, as she tried to leave his suburban home.

Sheriff’s deputies got the call at 3:45 a.m. on Sunday . . .“Nguyen told deputies she had been choked and physically restrained by Merriman when she attempted to leave his residence,” San Diego County Sheriff’s spokesperson Jan Caldwell said.

Merriman told authorities that he was simply restraining Tila so that she didn’t drive drunk. Tila fired back via that bastion of truth, Twitter:

I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila “Tequila” cuz the irony. I cant drink.

The funny thing is, the night of the incident, she Tweeted this:

Dman im drunk!!!!!!! Im headed to this Chargers VS 49ers game right now!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!!!!! @shawnemerriman u ready?? LETS GOOOOO! =)

You don’t have to be Hercule Poirot to know that something is fishy here. You don’t have to be, but it would help. Especially with dating. Women really love bow ties and turned-up mustaches.

We, too, are often drunk on Twitter, so follow us!