Things That Made Us Lose Our Breakfast; Or, Two People We Never Thought We'd Be Writing About

Since we gave you so much of that sweet, sweet nudity this morning, we're going to have to balance it out by causing you to start a Stand By Me-style vomit fest in your office. And we'll do it with these two names: Billy Idol and Pat O'Brien.

First up, a good old-fashioned ball-shaving story. Apparently Billy Idol is not happy about the graying of his pubic hair, so he has taken to shaving his testicles clean. He told Maxim magazine, "I shaved my balls--they were going grey, so I shaved them. It's like steel wool down there!" Now that you're thinking about what Billy Idol's nads feel like, on to the main event. We've seen many stories recently about Hollywood soft-gossip monger Pat O'Brien, what with his filthy voicemail messages finding their way to many innocent ears and his current stint in rehab, but we just let our minds wander off into fond memories of John Tesh at his piano and went about our day. But today the Pat stories became too disgusting to ignore. The New York Daily News reported on a myriad of stomach-churning activities that took place while Pat was co-host of Access Hollywood. "A witness says O'Brien actually licked co-host Nancy O'Dell's face at an 'Access Hollywood' Christmas party. At the same event, he was seen groping reporter Shaun Robinson's behind. A gay male producer told our source O'Brien once said to him, 'I have a gift for you.' When asked what, O'Brien allegedly answered, 'Bend over.' On another occasion, he allegedly stretched out on the producer's sofa and asked, 'What would you do if I masturbated in front of you?'" We're assuming the answer to that question involved said producer plunging knitting needles into his eyes and then signing up for a voluntary lobotomy.