Hey, guys, did you hear? Jessica Simpson is sexy. She has amazing boobs. And now that her sister Ashlee got that nose job she's sexy too. You hardly even notice her butt chin anymore. They are sexy, sexy, sexy. You know how we know? Their dad told us. He thinks they're totally hot and sexy and yummy and tasty and other words that no father should ever say about his little girls. And you know what else? He loves to take pictures of them. Doesn't every dad love to take pictures of his daughters? In bikinis? With cleavage hanging out?
See this is why Joe Simpson is a better father than our own dad. When we posed for Playboy our dad cried and cried and then he got really, really mad and found the photographer and beat him to death with his own camera. Joe Simpson probably would've taken the guy out for a nice steak dinner. The newly re-re-relaunched Radar Online reports:
According to sources whoíve had recent dealings with him, Simpson has a tight working arrangement with WireImage, the mega-agency and wire service that rules the red-carpet at nearly every high-profile event in the western hemisphere. On several occasions, a camera-wielding Simpson has gone toe-to-toe with other snappers for shots of his own daughters, then approved only his own images for distribution through WireImage. At other times, he has provided the agency with exclusive (and even racy) shots of his daughters on family getaways or in other putatively private moments.
See, Joe is such a good Christian he's totally able to rectify his love for Jesus with his love for his daughters' jubblies. But you know who doesn't like the Simpsons' sexiness? Some crotchety old minister in Texas. He's probably just jealous cause his wife looks like looks like Tom Cruise in a flowery dress. We're guessing. He did the obvious thing and talked to some magazine in Australia:
Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness.
Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.
We don't really care about Jessica and Ashlee's faces withering or them becoming hollow shells (because, really, how is that any different from how they look right now?) but please, God, if you are merciful don't let their breasts sag. Not their wondrous, plump, Daddy-coveted breasts. Because if they lose those, Joe just might get inspired to create a couple of new girl babies to ogle.
There are pictures of Jessica Simpson at MrSkin.com. As far as we know Joe didn't take any of them.
