Lindsay Lohan is one busy beaver lately, and we're not just talking about all that gash she's been flashing. Today must be official Lindsay saturation day, as she's coming at us from all sides. She's secretly married! No, she and Harry are broken up! She finally wears panties! But she forgets her pants! And Jane Fonda wants to cradle Lindsay in her nurturing bosom until Lindsay can learn to be a freakin' grown-up already.
We do not for one second believe that Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton are married. It's not that we give Lindsay too much credit for being a pillar of maturity or anything, it's just that we don't think she could successfully organize such a secret event and keep her lips shut (she hasn't proven too adept at that lately anyway). Nevertheless, MSNBC's The Scoop reports:
Lohan called her mother, Dina, on Sept. 2 and announced, ìMom, Iím getting married,î a ìsource close to Lindsayî told the upcoming issue of Star. ìLindsay explained that Harry gave her a gorgeous ring and that he asked her to marry him.î
The tab also says that ìfriends believe [the couple] could be married already!î
Another source, however, says thereís trouble in paradise. Lohan and Morton had a nasty spat on Sunday when he got furious at her for flirting with a DJ, according to the London Mirror.
The two went to a party at Clivedon House in London, but while Morton mingled, Lohan was ìall over [DJ Sam Young] like a rash,î according to the paper.
Morton was upset with the ìMean Girlsî star for ìnot paying him enough attentionî but Lohan countered that Morton should stop ìbeing so insecure.î
That second part sounds a little more plausible than Lindsay pouring over a Neiman Marcus gift registry choosing the perfect china pattern.
And now we'll bring you an update on the state of Lindsay's crotch. It appears that her wardrobe does indeed contain a least a smattering of undergarments, but she apparently only chooses to bust them out on the nights when she eschews pants. Wise we're sure.
And for the latest in old people your parents identify with upbraiding Lindsay for her poor work ethic and overexertion, we bring you Jane Fonda.
I think every once in a while, a very, very young person who is burning both ends of the candle needs to have somebody say, `You know, you're going to pay the piper, you better slow down.'
If Ms. Fonda's clichÈ dictionary hadn't been rudely snatched away by a passing pigeon, she would have continued to tell Lindsay to shape up or ship out and to straighten up and fly right. But instead she'll just give her a nice can cuddling.
I just want to take her in my arms and hold her until she becomes grown-up. She's so young and she's so alone out there in the world in terms of structure and, you know, people to nurture her. And she's so talented.
Hey, Jane we've got a better idea that may be a bit more up Lindsay's alley (Hey, that wasn't a pigeon! We stole Jane's clichÈ dictionary!). Why don't you invite Lindsay into your bedroom and teach her a bit of your own dildo-wielding work ethic?
Get your Lindsay fix at MrSkin.com.
Or skip La Lohan and see Jane naked.
