The celebrity sex tape is a no-win situation. Sure, you'd like to see your favorite famous person having 100% actual totally real sexual intercourse on camera in a medium you can watch in the comfort of your own home. However, the stars who have actually filmed and distributed tapes aren't exactly the cream of the crop. Sure, Pam Anderson is exciting enough, but watching her bobble atop the meat tubes of various sundry '80s pap-rockers kind of ruins the experience. Today, a new tape has been released featuring O.J. Simpson and we never thought we'd say it, but it's making us look fondly on the Tom Sizemore tape.
The video, which you can order at www.badoj.com if you are so inclined/insane, features the former football star giving the ole Heisman to a couple of gals in a hotel room. Simpson's lawyer, Yale Galanter, has released this statement:
This tape is garbage. And we can prove it. O.J. wouldn't do anything like this.
Nah, he wouldn't f two ladies on tape. He'd just kill 'em!
On the tape, O.J. (or, the person on the video assumed to be Simpson, please don't sue us) is heard saying,
I didn't believe in sex ≠addicts until my last few ≠girlfriends. I'm a ≠sexaholic! … If I'm not sexually active, I become destructive.
Don't make O.J. angry. You won't like him when he's angry.
