Every time we think we've finally given up on Paris Hilton–we just can't take one more nipple slip or racial slur or wonky eye judging the paucity of our bank account–she lures us back in. It could be through egging on an oily spew of firecrotchnicity or pissing in a cab, but she always finds a way. And if it involves a monkey, a tiger, and ferrets (oh my!), all the better. After all, it's not often that we get to make the coveted ferret/vagina comparison.
Granted this story is highly unlikely and comes from some Paris Hilton fan site that's probably put together by some bloated forty-year-old who took half a day away from watching porn to make up a few stories about Paris, but still, it's damned amusing. Quoth said old dude:
The hotel heiress brought her monkey, tiger and her ferrets to Sin City for a weekend of partying and was unimpressed when she realised she would have to spend the long drive with all the animals. Hilton says, ìI bought, like, a monkey, a tiger and some ferrets. I tried to bring them on a commercial flight and they wouldnít let me fly with all the animals. They said it wasnít a travelling circus. ìSo I had to drive all the way home from Vegas in the limo with all these animals, there was like six. It was a lot.î
Our first question naturally is how Paris got those animals to Vegas. Did it possibly involve a tandem bicycle with Paris on the front seat, the tiger on the back, and the monkey and ferrets perched atop their shoulders? (Sub question: Do tigers have shoulders?) Our next question is how exactly one parties with a tiger, a monkey, and a couple of ferrets. Did she dress them up in G-strings and pasties and convince them to do strip routines at Scores? Did she go tequila shot for tequila shot with the tiger? And who came out the winner? This story poses so many questions that we think a reality show is in order. Perhaps for the next season of The Simple Life Paris can add an ostrich to her menagerie and convince network execs that it's Nicole Richie.
Paris–without all the fur–at MrSkin.com.
