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As the 44-year-old diva with the legendary voice struggles to make her comeback, both of her exes have written scandalous things about her.

Her ex-husband Bobby Brown has come out with a tell-all autobiography, "Being Bobby Brown: The Whole Truth and Nothin' But," in which he details his and Houston's drug use and addresses the rumors of her bi-sexuality.

And now her much younger lover, Ray J, 27, has written a song dissing Brown and detailing his sex life with Houston.

In Ray J's "Boyfriend," off his just-released album, "All I Feel," which debuts this week, Ray J croons, "Is that your wife, is that your shorty, well I'm her boyfriend . . . I think the problem is you don't beat it right . . . Making love is cool, just pull her hair sometimes."

The feeling between Brown and Ray J seems to be mutual. While Ray J is more blatant in his diss, Brown tries to be subtler.

In his book, Brown writes:

"For those of you who want to know, I'm aware of the fact that Whitney had been seeing Ray J, a very young R&B artist who is most famous for being the little brother of Brandy, the multi-platinum singing artist and TV star.

"Their relationship doesn't bother me. She's open to see whoever she wants to see, just like I can see who I want to see. I know the age difference between her and the little guy is 20 years, but to each his own. The only concern I had was how our daughter felt about the age difference. As long as she's cool with it, it's fine by me."

At least Whitney hasn't starred in any sex tape. Ray J shot to national attention after he marketed a sex tape of him and ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian in flagrante.

After that video was released, with Kardashian's blessings (she also rose to fame on the wings of the tape), Ray J signed a deal with Vivid Entertainment to direct porn.

When he started dating Houston, Ray J would take any opportunity to have a picture with the diva – and friends were concerned their love life would end up on the Internet, as well.

Did Bobby find Jesus or something? That's one of the lamest excuses for an insult we've heard in a long time. Only a love of the lord could turn the Bobby Brown of yore into someone who says "you're so much younger than me" and then congratulates himself with a hardy "Ha ha! Burn! I sure showed him who the man is around here!" I mean, when Zahara and Shiloh are exchanging more heated jibes than a celebrated "bad boy" and a sex-tape star, it's time to send them out to pasture.

"I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice. At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine."

And not only did Whitney lead poor wee Brown down the road of narcotics and sauteed cocaine, but she did not offer her husband a life of bluebirds, picket fences, and casserole recipes from Redbook. Brown weeps:

"I think it [the marriage] was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow. I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married. I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children. Whitney was under a lot of pressure. The media was accusing her of having a bisexual relationship with her assistant, Robin Crawford. In Whitney's situation, the only solution was to get married and have kids. That would kill all speculation, whether it was true or not."

Don't downplay the Greatest Love of All, Bobby. We're not talking about the love between crackheads or the love between the beard and the bearded. We're talking about the love that causes one to cock a finger and coax a dootie bubble out of one's spouse's rectum.

Whitney shows it off at MrSkin.com.

"After Whitney and I separated, I had nowhere to go and very little money to live on. I was, for all intents and purposes, homeless. . . . I believe I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter Bobbi Kris — a relationship that I would like to see strengthen and grow."

"Hey, Mr. judge man, I really like my kid. She cool. And I'd really like to hang with her. I've got this great bench I stay on in the park; it hardly has any pigeon shit on it. And most days this nice businessman walks by and gives me a dollar and I can go to Taco Bell and get a bean burrito. I would definitely share it with Bobbi Kris. She likes beans. We'd be tight. It would be awesome for her, so I'd really like you to grant me custody." Sounds like a plan, Bobby. But what about all those other kids you have? Do their mommas not have lucrative back catalogs that include "I Will Always Love You" and "Greatest Love of All"?

It's pretty much all over — including the crying — for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's marriage.

An Orange County judge granted Houston a divorce yesterday, and sole custody of their 14-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. In the ten-minute hearing, Judge Franz Miller ruled that the divorce would become final on April 24.

In court, Houston testified, as the AP reports, that Brown was an unreliable father. "If he says he's going to come, sometimes he does. Usually he doesn't," she told the judge.

Houston wept as the decision was announced, and did not talk to reporters afterwards. Brown didn't show up for the hearing. The couple has been married since 1992, and Houston filed for a legal separation last September. Brown's attorney says he will seek to overturn the judge's ruling.

That must have been a really tough decision for the judge to make. "Should the girl go to the crazy crackhead or the other crazy crackhead?" In the end the only choice was the crackhead who seems to not want to be a crackhead anymore, who just so happens to be the one who has not been repeatedly arrested for not taking care of/paying for his other kids. A good choice really.

ï Friends think Britney is pregnant again because she is bloated, barfy, and "relaxed and happy". Sounds more like a few too many mangotinis to us.

ï Keith Urban is out of rehab and on the loose! Now he can get down to the important business of realizing he has nothing in common with his wife aside from Australianism. Divorcewatch begins now.

ï Mischakini.

ï Brad and Angelina rescue orphans from life-threateningly dangerous foreign countries only to move them to . . . life threateningly dangerous American cities.

ï The Beckhams are coming! The Beckhams are coming! And they're bringing nipples!

ï Keeley Hazell seems to have lost her dignity along with her garments.

ï There will be a formal inquest into the death of Anna Nicole's son, around the same time she will be forced to have her baby undergo a paternity test so we can find out if the father is her glassy-eyed money-grubbing lawyer/houseboy or the frosted-tipped money-grubbing paparazzo. And then she will find out that Larry Birkhead was her brother all along, and that she has a twin who faked her death, and that she actually has been suffering from amnesia this whole time, and is a Russian czarina!

ï Halle Berry gives herself a titty twister. Why? Shrug. Just cuz.

ï Paula Abdul explains away her recent Michael J. Foxish television appearances, and says she takes being a role model seriously. Too bad nobody else takes her seriously as a role model.

Thanks to X17online for the pic of Whitney and Ray J!

ï We can see right through Mischa Barton.

ï And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

ï Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

ï Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

ï Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

ï Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

ï Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

ï Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

ï The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.

"She has filed from divorce from Bobby Brown. We're saying she filed for divorce because that is (Whitney's) intent. (Whitney) was in LA on Tuesday night with Clive Davis at the Ella Awards. I have nothing further to add."

Furthermore, TMZ.com is reporting that one of the reasons for the split might be Bobby spending some extra special time with professional "Video Vixen" Karrine "Superhead" Steffans, and that Bobby is looking to her for "moral and financial support: He stays at her L.A. home 'frequently' and Karrine actually ponies up for Bobby's pre-paid cell phone." Oh, how far they fall. Once at the top of the charts with "My Prerogative," now banging a glorified rap video extra for a $20 Virgin Mobile "Top-Up" card.

Whitney's your baby tonight. See the newly single singer at MrSkin.com.

Didn't we almost have it Allah?

Even maniacal mass-murdering terrorist masterminds fall victim to puppy love: according to a woman who claims that she was his "sex slave", Osama bin Laden harbored an intense love jones for Whitney Houston. Kola Boof, a delightfully-monikered Sudanese poet and writer has penned an autobiography called Diary of a Lost Girl, in which she details her days as bin Laden's alleged sex slave (poet, novelist, sex slave . . . is there anything this woman can't do?). Some exerpts appeared in the September issue of Harper's, and Boof states:

"He said that he had a paramount desire for [Houston] and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting.

"He said he wanted to give [her] a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney, he would be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives."

(But as much as bin Laden adored Houston, he was also dismissive of black women.) "African women are only good for a man's lower pleasures," bin Laden supposedly said. "What need do you have for a womb?"

"[He would say] how beautiful she is, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband – Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have womens' husbands killed.

"In his briefcase, I would come across photographs of the Star [magazine], as well as copies of Playboy. It would soon come to the point where I was sick of hearing Whitney Houston's name."

We're assuming Osama hasn't seen pictures of Whitney lately. No use crying over what could have been, but we can't help thinking that if Whitney were able to quash her love of American culture, dismiss Bobby Brown, let her deep, innate Islamicness shine through, and submit to bin Laden's lower pleasures, our country might be in a very different political position today. However, the question remains: would Osama dig a dootie bubble out of her butt?

If you need pics of Whit, head to MrSkin.com.