ï Selma Blair's boyfriend is rumored to be shopping for rings in preparation for popping the question. Which is better than swabbing your anal ring in preparation for pooping. OR IS IT???? (IMDb)

ï Rachel McAdams and that Notebook guy are also going to get hitched. Mazel tov. (D Listed)

ï Halle Berry bare-ys her berries (kinda) in Esquire. (Egotastic!)

ï Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: reunited? And it feels so . . . eeeuuughhhh. (Cityrag)

ï Jordan gets her fetus pierced! (Faded Youth)

ï FHM goes heaving on the smoothing tool in Photoshop, makes Kim Stewart look slightly less embarrassing. Young Turks be free tonight indeed! Wait, what does that mean. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Howard Stern (not K.) luxuriates in the warm, comforting, leathery glow of Don Imus's verbal gaffe. (Radar)

ï Brad and Angelina allegedly purchase $140 million yacht made of marble and gold, because they are Liberace. (PopSugar)

ï Par-ass Hilton. (Taxi Driver)

ï Snoop Dogg is facing up to four years in prison. Comeback album entitled From the Dogghouse to the Big House . . . and Back Again dropping in 2011. (Celebitchy)

ï Jessica Alba busts out her pantaloons to assuage our Dane Cook-assaulted eyes. (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

ï YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!

ï Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!

ï Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.

ï Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.

ï Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.

ï Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.

ï We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!

ï The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"

ï Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.

ï Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.

ï The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?

According to Star, Vince spent the evening of November 25th befriending a rogue group of traveling college students at a Budapest restaurant. Long gone are the days when oversexed Hollywood beau-hunks could safely travel to mysterious lands and bed starry-eyed coeds–what Vince doesn't know is that everyone's a blogger these days, and that includes his Thanksgiving date, one Laura Mallory Lane. The 20-year-old wrote the (sadly, PG-rated) tale of her romantic evening with Vaughn and forwarded it in email form to all her friends, who dutifully handed it over to the proper authorities, i.e. Star:

And they even included a screenshot of her blog. Christ, we'd pound Vince Vaughn if it meant Star would give us some free advertising. Just kidding. The idea of flailing under 275 lbs. of nose hair and Aniston sloppy seconds is not worth it. Especially the idea of him groaning out, "That's . . . so . . . moneyyyyy" at the apex of his lovemaking.

You can see Aniston's Anus-ton (kinda) at MrSkin.com.

I know there are rumors regarding my 'breakup' with Brody Jenner. The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he's a nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity.

Gee, Nicole, that sure is convincing. And luckily we've had a lot of practice swallowing your bullshit stories lately. "We were never dating. I've always been this size. I technically possess the skeletal system of an African pygmy." Whatever you say, Nicole.
And in even less interesting news, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have finally decided to stop making us pay attention to their utterly boring relationship–just in time for the DVD release of their movie The Break Up. In which they break up. What a co-inky-dink. Us Weekly reports:

After weeks of distance both emotional and real, the relationship ax fell the week of September 9 for Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. A source close to Vaughn tells Us that the split happened just before the actor left for London to begin work on his holiday comedy, Joe Claus. ìItís not common knowledge, but weíre not together anymore,î Vaughn told the insider September 13, adding that they solidified the breakup in a long phone conversation. ìWeíve split up.î
Confirms an Aniston pal: ìTheyíre 100 percent done.î
Soon afterward, Vaughn, 36, canceled plans for Aniston, 37, to visit him in London for a September 23 party, says the source. What went wrong? Sources tell Us that the relationship began to unravel almost immediately after Vaughnís June 27 proposal to Aniston.

You know that right now there is a celebrity "reporter" at Star or In Touch laughing maniacally as if he were Sharon Stone talking about the audaciousness of her fortysomething nudity and twirling his mustache, so happy that he can finally break out and re-use his favorite graphics and captions from so many "Jennifer Is Sad" feature articles.

You know that movie we mentioned? Jennifer's naked in it. She's also naked in The Good Girl. See her at MrSkin.com.

Nicole doesn't like to show off her bee stings, but you can still see her at MrSkin.com.

ï Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of baby.

ï Kate Bosworth ate! Ate cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.

ï Pam from The Office becomes Pam from The Duff-ass.

ï When Janet Jackson wants her water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.

ï Newly-separated Dave Navarro is dating newly-separated Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.

ï Jen and Vince: engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!

ï Robin Williams is in rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.

ï Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.

Jennifer Aniston has turned to her close-knit group of girl friends after allegedly calling off her impending marriage to boyfriend Vince Vaughn. The actress is reportedly single again and is calling on best pals Courteney Cox, Sheryl Crow and volleyball star Gabrielle Reece to help her cope with another broken romance. According to America's Life & Style magazine, Aniston staged a girls-only get together at Cox's Malibu, California home on July 24 and has been referring to herself as "the new Jen" ever since.

If Jen is really committed to her new self, she will hightail it to wherever it is Joe Francis is spreading his scuzz-sperm and get herself in front of one of those Girls Gone Wild cameras. Cause every girl knows there's no better way to get back at your ex-boyfriend than by showing the world your tits.

Speaking of Jen's tits, they're at MrSkin.com.

His mom and dad were there for luck. But I didnít feel intimidated. They made me feel welcome.

We at CelebNewsWire are nothing if not ass-loving perverts, so we're totally jazzed to hear this fantastic news. Perhaps this means that Jen is now so comfortable going starkers that she'll insist on at least one totally nude scene in every movie she makes in the future. And surely some of that skin will be caught on tape and displayed on a very large projection screen. For our part we're going to spend the next week attending every showing of The Break-Up offered at our local multiplex so that Jen's bankability rises and future roles are secured. But first we're going to use this information for more immediate personal gain. Right now we're working on our Vince Vaughn's Dad costume. So far it consists of an afro wig (left over from our Marla Gibbs Halloween costume), a moustache (because every good disguise involves a moustache), and a T-shirt that says "Vince Vaughn's Dad." After the costume is in place we'll sneak into Jen's house and just wait for her to mistake us for Vince's dad, at which point she will feel immediately comfortable and take off all of her clothes. It can't miss!

Jennifer shows some boob just for you at MrSkin.com.

Jen has been in trouble with her doctor because she went to him for help in giving up and she hasn't. Every time she tries, there would be Vince puffing away. He's not helping in the least and when she tells him off about it, he laughs.

We can see Vince, towering over the malnourished and so very sad actress, blowing smoke in her face and snickering, "Ha ha, little baby can't quit smoking! Doesn't this smell good, Jen? Dontcha want a big lungfulla sweet tabacky?" (We're not quite sure why in our imagination Vince Vaughn sounds like a shyster car salesman, but that's just the way it is.) But even with her boyfriend's truly charming demeanor, Jen's still holding out hope.

She's convinced that the day she falls pregnant will be the day she and Vince stop. She just needs that extra incentive.

Yeah, we think that's what Jennifer Garner and Britney Spears said, and the baby ploy didn't work there either. In fact, we think that the only way fetus Vaughniston could encounter more secondhand smoke than Violet or Sean P would be if Vince found a way to stuff a tube directly into Jennifer's uterus and blow smoke straight into it.
(And, by the way, when exactly was the last time Jennifer Aniston was seen wearing an actual color? We've been watching closely for a couple weeks now, and all we've seen have been black, white, and all shades of beige. Maybe once in a while she'll get crazy and don some gray. We think at this point we'd be shocked by even some chocolate brown or navy blue. And a bit of bright red or orange might give us heart palpitations and make us question everything in life we thought to be true.)

Jennifer is smokin' hot at MrSkin.com.