CelebNewsWire» underwear Archives – CelebNewsWire

Pretty Ladies in Their Skivvies

Agent E. — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:33:38 +0000

You might wonder why we’re bothering to yammer on about supermodels in their underwear when we’ve got actual naked supermodels to talk about, but you know what? Fuck it. We like the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show and we don’t care who knows it. Heidi Klum’s usually there, and she’s pretty and funny and we like her. We bet if she got some poop smeared on her face while changing one of her bairns, she’d just laugh it off, maybe even take a few pictures, put one on her Christmas card with the caption “I got shit on my kisser.” That just seems like the kind of broad she is. Plus, Vicky’s S always puts together some ridiculous diamond-covered monstrosity that costs somewhere in the neighborhood of Simon Cowell’s weekly salary and looks like it would give a girl lots of unsightly scratches and a heap of back pain.

There are a bunch more VS fashion show pics at Yeeeah!, if you’re so inclined.

Also, don’t be a dick. Be our fan on Facebook.

Leighton Meester Demonstrates Twoface Abilities

Agent E. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:33:30 +0000

That picture to your left there? That’s Leighton Meester when she’s allowed to do her own makeup. She looks like she’s about to dislocate her jaw so that she can wrap those clown lips completely around your head and slurp you up in one fluid swallow. But below we have a more pleasing representation. GQ finally released more pics from that ooh, girl you naughty photo shoot we showed you the other day. She looks ready to slurp up something, sure, but not in a cannibalistic alien sort of way, but more of a “new from Vivid” sort of way.

Um, Leighton Meester Might Be Hot. We Think.

Agent E. — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:29:12 +0000

The great thing about Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meester’s character on Gossip Girl, is that under those designer prep school clothes and perfectly placed headbands you just know that the girl is crazy freaky. We don’t get quite enough of that on the show, thanks to those uppity parents who are all like, “Two girls kissing? And then kissing the same guy? Oooooooooh noooooooo!” (That was our Mr. Bill impression, btw. Hope you liked it.) But that’s why we have men’s magazines! Or at least, that’s why we have men’s magazines until the day when Leighton needs an Oscar and does a real-sex movie with Mickey Rourke. These here photographs come from GQ (via a French Gossip Girl fan site. Who knew?) And there’s no preppy, proper-upbringing pretense here. It’s all nasty. Deliciously, deliciously nasty.

Also deliciously, deliciously nasty? CelebNewsWire on Twitter. But mostly just because of the poop jokes.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Whispers to Ghosts Via Stripper Pole

Agent E. — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:47:18 +0000

We don’t know that much about the show Ghost Whisperer. Here’s what we’ve gleaned: it has something to do with ghosts; it stars Jennifer Love Hewitt; she has huge bazookas. OK, that last part has nothing to do with the show, but it’s still important. Also, it’s on CBS, meaning the average viewing age for the program is likely around 82. Your granny probably stays up extra, extra late for it (like 7) and watches it from her Barcalounger in her flower-print nightgown while her teeth take a nice bath on her bedside table. So why on earth this show would incorporate a scene in which Jennifer Love Hewitt works a stripper pole, we have no idea. Heathcliff Huxtable’s mother was scandalized by a dame who showed a little leg during a fan dance, so we don’t think the show’s aged viewers really need greased poles and fishnets to get a thrill. Though who knows. Maybe today’s elderly are more modern than we imagine and have traded Denny’s early-bird specials and bridge games for internet porn and swingers clubs.

Olivia Munn Makes Dorks Happy (Both Kinds, Actually)

Agent E. — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:33:37 +0000

Do you want to know a secret about the internet? Nerds keep it alive. You might think that the internet’s true purpose is cute kitty videos on YouTube or for you to stalk your high-school classmates on Facebook. But no. It’s to keep geeks happy. Do you think that your company’s IT guy is sitting down in his basement twiddling his thumbs waiting for a pornado to crash your browser? Nope. He’s searching for Tricia Helfer nude. And you know who else he wants to see naked? Olivia Munn. She’s totally hot, but she could also school you in Halo. And if there’s one thing that geeks love, it’s the interaction of hot chicks and video games. Well, that and beating off.

January Jones’s GQ Outtakes: Less Boob, More Chair

Agent E. — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:28:59 +0000

We’re sure that somewhere in this vast world of ours there is a man with a ridiculously narrow fetish for hot blonde television stars in lingerie falling over in chairs. And likely if this man exists, he’s probably lurking around our neighborhood, peeking in the CelebNewsWire windows waiting for his ultimate moment. One day he pops in and sees some partially nude Victoria’s Secret models and skulks away unsatisfied. Another day he stops by and spies some dog boner, and sure, he laughs, but it’s not exactly what he’s looking for. But today, my friend, today is this man’s day. For we have some outtakes from Mad Men star January Jones’s sexy GQ spread, and what do you know? There she is in lingerie falling over in a chair. We just hope this guy doesn’t blame us for having no purpose left in life.

Megan Fox to Wear Underwear Professionally

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 16:45:54 +0000

Despite being fair of face and figure and having a very photogenic tongue, Megan Fox isn’t doing so hot. Jennifer’s Body turned out to be a box-office failure, her director and Transformers crew hate her, and she’s still porking Brian Austin Green. But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and panties are the sun. WWD reports:

Giorgio Armani has tapped Megan Fox to feature in the new Emporio Armani Underwear and Armani Jeans campaigns. The new Armani images featuring Fox will start running worldwide in January.

Fox was shot by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott in Los Angeles over the weekend. While details of the shoot and the images could not be learned, the actress will appear in print ads as well as on billboards. It has not been decided whether Fox will participate at in-store events tied in with the campaign launch.

In-store events. You know what that means? That means you can go to department stores and have Megan Fox sign your briefs. You can look at her and talk to her and smell her. Just lean over and take a big whiff. Flutter your hands in front of your face and close your eyes in ecstasy like Hannibal Lecter. Girls are really turned on by that!

That Is Also a Pretty Dress

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:31:49 +0000

You almost certainly had a social studies teacher who wore a mint Sta-Prest pantsuit and a holiday themed brooch well into the ’90s, but she wasn’t out of style. She just found a look that worked for her. The same goes for Rihanna. Only instead of Mrs. Potter’s ankle-length Dacron, Rihanna’s go-to fabric is something that appears to be made out of loosely-spaced spider web threads or, like, tinted glass or something equally sheer. And instead of a laughing light-up Santa that plays “Silent Night”, Rihanna’s accessories are a thong and a hoop stabbed through her nip. Pretty, but they don’t really capture the reason for the season, you know? Then again, we’ve never attempted to pull on RiRi’s nipple ring. Maybe it blasts “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” while spitting tinsel and ham.

We’re going to go ahead and put these on the front page. Why? Because you hate your job anyway. We’ll just get that layoff ball rolling for ya.

Mischa Barton Doesn’t Have Her Pants On

Agent E. — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:36:59 +0000

Hey look, it’s Mischa Barton. Doesn’t she have a TV show starting soon? About pretty people or something? Oh, that’s on tonight? And it’s called The Beautiful Life: TBL? (Which, by the way, TBL? We say WTF?) And you can catch it tonight on your local CW affiliate at 9/8C? Wow, then it’s so fortunate and timely that we have these pictures of Mischa Barton in lingerie in the movie Homecoming. It just really all fits together, as if planned. But we have one thing to say to Mischa. We’re concerned about you, honey. No, it’s not your recent stint in the cracker house that has us worried. It’s your pubic region. We think you may need to find a new waxer. Maybe spend a little extra money on one who makes sure that their products won’t give you a rash or leave you with unsightly stubble or whatever that is. Especially when you’re going to be in your undies in a movie. A little more attention to detail is called for at those special times. Just thought we should bring it up.

Kelly Brook Proffers Enormous Breasts in Loaded

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 15:39:15 +0000

Today’s stories are about a dead DJ, Candy Spelling’s dog, and Macauley Culkin’s semen. We are imagining that if someone happened upon the CelebNewsWire by accident and were faced with this trio of terror, they’re probably not likely to bookmark. So like Secret on a lady’s underpits, we must pH balance our content. CNW is not all crack ODs and nut butter from child stars. We also have boobs! Lots of boobs. Round ones, long ones, pointy ones. Natural ones. Fake ones. Fat tits, skinny tits, tits who climb on rocks. Tough tits, sissy tits, even tits with chicken pox. Hot jugs. Kelly Brook hot jugs. The jugs web surfers love to bite. Dee dee deedle dee.

These pictures are from Loaded. Enjoy, and good luck getting that song out of your brain.