Travis Barker and DJ AM suffered second and third degree burns from Fridayís jet crash that killed four people, Dr. Fred Mullins, Medical Director at Georgiaís Joseph Still Burn Center, announced at a press conference Sunday morning.

Barker has burns on his torso and lower body and Goldstein has burns on his arm and part of his head, Mullins said. (Mullins would not say the percentage of their bodies that were burned or whether they were conscious. He also did not go into detail about the type of treatment they are currently receiving.)

He said the two did not sustain any other injuries from the crash.

ìI think these patients are going to make a full recovery,î Mullins said. ìAnybody who can survive a plane crash is very lucky.î

During the conference, Mullins also read a statement from the families: ìThe families wish to thank fans from all over the world for their prayers and concern. Deepest sympathy is expressed to the loved ones of those who perished in the crash. As the two recuperate and mourn this loss, privacy for them, their families and friends is requested at this time.î

Life is truly unfair. Like it wasn't bad enough that Barker and AM once had to dip their dongs into Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (respectively)! And now this.

ï YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!

ï Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!

ï Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.

ï Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.

ï Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.

ï Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.

ï We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!

ï The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"

ï Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.

ï Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.

ï The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?

ï The maid also says that ANS tried to commit suicide "at least twice" after giving birth to Dannielynn. Where were you and your vitamins when Anna needed you, Tom Cruise, you lousy prick?

ï Anna Nicole's methadone pusher calls himself an "entertainment doctor". Must . . . refrain . . . from making . . . second Patch Adams joke in a week . . .

ï Anna Nicole's body is set to be released, but to her mother, or to Howard K. Stern (asshole)? At this point, they should just sell her body to Entertainment Tonight.

ï Carrot Top sure has great gams!

ï Keira Knightley will be naked in her next film. We called it a "film" because it sounds classy.

ï Jordan still has tetherball-sized breasts, by the way. (NSFW)

ï Celebrities are so plastic! Knifestyles of the rich and famous! A cut above the breast! And other charming puns!

ï Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are back together. But at what cost? Paris Hilton was brutally battered, for what?

ï Oft-nude model/celebutante/daughter of Patty/granddaughter of Randolph Lydia Hearst refused to let Britney Spears have a bag she designed, because "I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. " Oh yeah? Well YOUR mom robbed a bank, Lydia. BURN!

ï Paula Abdul claims that she's never been drunk or done drugs. Tell that to MC Skat Kat, baby. Tell it to the Skat Kat.

Yep, that's a tit alright. A tit that Stamos Nachos is about to nuzzle and suckle and fondle. And we've just discovered the image that will haunt our nightmares in the coming weeks. (X17 has the full Stamos and Paris photo series.)

But Nachos better be careful of Paris's taco, as it may contain some rancid meat. In this X17 video, Shanna Moakler has a helpful message for Paris: "She should take her Valtrex." Yes, we've heard of Paris's ability to excel in the herperial arts many times before, but maybe this message was meant to warn Paris that Travis Barker brings more to a relationship than wicked rad air drumming moves. Perhaps when Paris and Travis combine their unique herpes strains they will create a super virus capable of infecting passersby at a hundred-foot distance that will eventually destroy the entire planet.

Meanwhile Tina Fey popped up on the Howard Stern show yesterday, and instead of answering questions about whether or not breast feeding gets her hot, she talked about Paris, whom she called "a piece of shit." Cityrag helpfully transcribed the best parts, including:

She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"!

and

[Paris] asked them to write a skit so she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her" "she's fat".

We know you're saying to yourself, "Gawd, what a bitch," but really who among us can claim that we don't hate Jessica Simpson because she's fat? You may think you're so much better than Paris, but you're not. You're just a boob-flashing, Jessica Simpson-hating walking herpes farm, just like Paris.

Start with Paris at MrSkin.com.

Then check out Shanna.

And if you've still got the energy, move on to Tina.

And here is a picture of a fellow partygoer's reaction.

This is a Travis-ty! Not really, though. It's pretty typical, we just wanted a chance to use that pun. It sure as hell looks like Paris and Necktoo 182 are keeping the fires burning, but Necktoo 182 is quick to point out that this is just his customary Paris Hilton greeting, saying:

ìParis and I have tongue kissed before. Itís not unusual for me to say hello to Paris and kiss her, but itís not like we are a couple or anything. When we see each other, we say hello. Thatís it.î

Oh, Travis, you funny, enlarged Adam's appled man. If you're trying to emulate John Travolta, you've got it slightly backwards. You're supposed to french men only! Men only.

Of COURSE Paris is naked at MrSkin.com. Duh.

C'mon, ladies, if your night is going to end with multiple police reports, at least let it be over George Clooney. Or how about Adrian Grenier? He's hot. Even Colin Farrell we might understand. But a pop-punk drummer with a fauxhawk and necktoos? Is that really the best you can do?

TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs.
Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.
Mintz and Hilton then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery.
We're told Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs.
We're told police took photos of both women at the station, though it's unclear if either showed visible signs of injury.

Ahhh, it all makes sense now that we know our favorite jolly Greek giant was involved. See, what happened was that Stamos spied Shanna across the Hyde crowd and mistook her for a homeless person. (You know, because her reality-show money came from MTV and not a big network like Fox, like Paris's reality-show money.) And since upturning cups of fluid atop the heads of the homeless is a favorite pastime of Stamos's, there was no other possible outcome for the evening.

Paris is naked at MrSkin.com.

And would you look at that? So's Shanna.

necktoo tastes lk lip ring cheez
snd help

P-A-R-I-S. N-A-K-E-D. At MrSkin.com.

This picture may not look like much to you now, but what if we were to tell you it was Paris Hilton making out with Travis Barker? Would you be interested then? What if we told you it was Paris getting her face chewed off by a shaven, tattooed bear? Would that be enough to rouse you from your porn-addicted, video-game-obsessed, jaded stupor? Is that what we have to do to please you these days? Make up stories about celebrities getting mauled by bears? Because we're not above that.

We heard titterings (yes, titterings) about Paris possibly hooking up with Travis Barker last week, but there was that whole drunken driving thing to contend with, and our brain only allows three hours and forty-eight minutes to be devoted to Paris Hilton in a given week. So let the clock begin. According to MSNBC's The Scoop:

Gossips are buzzing that the partying heiress was spotted getting hot and heavy with newly-single Travis Barker of Blink 182 at the Spearmint Rhino in Las Vegas. ìThey were making out like crazy,î a source told In Touch Weekly.
ìI did not make out with Travis Barker,î Hilton corrected the gossipers. ìI was with his friend Alex, who I met that night. Itís nothing serious. He looks like Travis, he has tattoos all over his arms, and he has a mohawk. People must have seen us and confused him with Travis.î

Lucky for us we don't have to take Paris at her word, as Bricks and Stones has this nifty little photo essay on the maybe couple. Now take a look a this here photo and compare the oh-so-classy neck tattoos:

We're not saying that Paris is liar; we're just saying that the guy in the making-out-with-Paris photo has the same checkerboard tattoo on the right side of his neck that Travis does. Perhaps this Alex is BFF with Travis and one night after champagne cocktails and canapÈs they paid a visit to their favorite tattoo artist to commemorate their special bond. We hear they also have matching Tweety Bird tattoos and their left ankles.

P-A-R-I-S. N-A-K-E-D. At MrSkin.com.

ï Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.

ï Kate Moss might as well face that she's addicted to Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?

ï Another Doherty–Shannen–angrily hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!

ï "Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with "this tiny little thong". Sorta.

ï The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.

ï Keith Urban, pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.

ï Note to Nicole Richie: when size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.

ï One, two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.