CelebNewsWire» Toni Braxton Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: Pregnant. Pregnant in Bikini. Not Pregnant in Bikini.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:30:38 +0000

ï Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (Celebitchy)

ï Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)

ï Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)

ï Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)

ï Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)

ï Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)

ï Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)

ï Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)

ï Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)

ï Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

CNW Junk Drawer: No Bra? Ono!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 17:43:45 +0000

ï Heidi Klum impregnated by Seal; expecting another flipper baby.

ï Posh Spice to become godmother to Ginger Spice's baby daughter, Bluebell Spice. That's nice. When Bluebell needs advice on bulimia, tanning beds, and how to be a good trophy wife, she'll have a wealth of information at her fingertips.

ï Yet MORE Toni Braxton nipples. You can put those things away now, honey.

ï Nicole Kidman sends a case of beer to the paparazzi. We assume the reason for this was so that they wouldn't notice that her face has been freshly pulled, drawn up and over the back of her skull, and tacked into place for her upcoming nuptials.

ï Robert Evans divorcing. Seventh time ain't the charm, apparently.

ï Tera Patrick pics from FHM magazine. Which must stand for Fricking Humpable Mams.

ï SNL's Andy Samberg gets Dunsted!

ï Jen Love Hewitt's hugetits strapped in by nothing but a flimsy . . . Yoko Ono shirt?

ï Michelle Rodriguez dreams of a relationship with Colin Farrell, but sadly, it can never be. Because he's not a girl.

Toni's Rackston

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 17:59:07 +0000

When Toni Braxton sang at the opening of the World Cup, she must have misheard and thought she was singing for the B Cup. After the cut, the very special, very NSFW guest appearance.

We're pretty sure we've exhausted our cache of "Unbreak My Heart" puns in relation to Toni Braxton's naked jubblies, so it's best to just direct you to this picture of the singer, getting ready to take the stage at the World Cup opening ceremonies, in full diva mode replete with Evita arm motions, seemingly unaware that one dark-hued, Hershey's nip was stealing the show. Gooooooal!

Oh, and she showed us her panties again. We are modern blogger types, sensitive to the nuances of wombmoonly cycles, embracing of the flow of the goddess, but goddamn, Toni, if your dress is slit all the way up to your coozle, how about eschewing the Always Super Plus maxi in favor of a tampon?

Need more shots of a half-naked Toni? No problem. Click here and go to MrSkin.com.

Toni Br-ass-ton

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 17:59:28 +0000

"Hello. I'm Toni Braxton. You may remember me from such '90s slow jams as 'Unbreak My Heart' and 'You're Makin' Me High' and from such embarrassments as filing for bankruptcy. By the by, speaking of embarrassments, have you ever donned a floating, airy minidress while performing outdoors during a windstorm? I sure have!"

You might say that Toni got a little "cheeky". Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge! Or you might say that Toni showed her ass. Either one. You know. Anyway. You'll recall that a few months ago, this lovely songbird of yore was considering popping her top for Playboy. You might also recall that although she had no problems with God and everyone looking at her Cocoa Puffs, she wasn't feeling sharing what she's got below the belt:

I just can't do the bottom thing because that's really, really intimate and really personal. But boobies, what is it? A dime a dozen. You can buy some for $5,000. Who cares? But the thing down there, you can't really buy that.

Haha, who's laughing now, Toni? Huh, Toni? Who's laughing? We'll tell you who's laughing, Toni. The wind. The wind and the elements are laughing at you and your chair cheeks and your thong. "Ha ha ha," says the wind. "That'll learn you to deny us your butt."
See the cheek sneak and lots of panty pics here.

Need more shots of a half-naked Toni? No problem. Click here and go to MrSkin.com.

Un-break My Heart, and Undress My Parts

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 17:57:09 +0000

Toni Braxton is reportedly in negotiations to pose for Playboy. Which is awesome news for people who exist on a separate plane of reality that takes place in 1996. Heeeeeyyyyyy macarena!

But unfortunately for you, her spread will have no spread. Toni has no qualms with popping out her snoobs for anyone who asks, but her hoo-ha? Well, she can't even bring herself to say the word.

"I just can't do the bottom thing because that's really, really intimate and really personal. But boobies, what is it? A dime a dozen. You can buy some for $5,000. Who cares? But the thing down there, you can't really buy that."

Yeah, that thing down there is called a vagina (say it with us: vuh-JY-nuh) and you can actually purchase a Pocket Pussy for about $25.99 down at Eros's Closet. Ha ha. We're not calling Toni Braxton a liar. We're just calling her a big dummy. Dummy.

Toni and her nude review are makin' you high at MrSkin.com.