The Hollywood Poop

Tag Archives: Tom Sizemore

26 June 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Outrageous and Delusional

ï If Christina Aguilera isn't pregnant in her uterus, then she's definitely carrying a set of twins in her cans. Whooo-eeee! (Drunken Stepfather)
ï I know why the caged Tom Sizemore sings. Because meth makes you chipper. (FemaleFirst)
ï What will Paris do, post-jail? Here are some fine ideas on life after incarceration. (Yeeeah!)
ï [...]

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15 February 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Special Evening Gown Edition

Mariah Carey ensures that she will never receive a free Chanel dress ever again.
Why, hello, M&Ms stuck in Jennifer Lopez’s dress. Nice to see you.
Speaking of small round candies and boobs . . .
Beyonce once jiggled her jelly so damn hard that her entire dress fell off. Guess she didn’t see that ragtag [...]

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28 October 2005

Paris Hilton: "I've Never Met Tom Sizemore. Also, I've Never Starred in Amateur Porn."

We have never believed one single word that has come out of the mouth of Paris Hilton. Whenever she said, "That's hot," we thought, "That's not even as hot as a polar bear screwing a penguin." And to our knowledge she has never said, "My cooch smells like a year-old bag of Doritos." That we [...]

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25 October 2005

Paris Hilton's Port-a-Porkin'; Plus, Liesmore 'bout Sizemore

After its engagement-induced period of relative hibernation, Paris Hilton's vagina is hungry once again. Hungry for Greeks bearing gifts. Penile gifts.

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20 October 2005

Paris n' Sizemore: Now We're Cookin' with Gas

Hold your hand up to your computer monitor, cover up the last two words of that headline, and dream, gentle reader. Dream.

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19 October 2005

Paris Pleads Sizemorean Ignorance

Paris Hilton wants you to know that although she may have banged Nick Carter, Rick Salomon, Jason Shaw, Simon Rex, Deryck Whibley, Vincent Gallo (deep breath, deep breath), Paris Latsis, and Stamos Nachos, she's gotta draw the line somewhere, and that somewhere is Tom Sizemore. However, we feel that Paris may have found some sort [...]

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19 August 2005

CNW Junk Drawer: Sizemore Schtups for All to See

ï We've been warning you for weeks now, but the day is upon us: the ill-famed Tom Sizemore sex tape is now available for your online perusal. It's here, it's real. Live it, love it, own it.
ï Are Sienna and Jude finito for good? Reportedly, she's told him to take his little kitty [...]

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12 August 2005

Tom Sizemore and the Neverending Stiffy: a Tragicomedy

Tom Sizemore: Can a brother get a break? Apparently not. After all the drug-doing, prison-time-having, and Fleiss-flogging, it's a wonder Tom has time to "battle" a rare disease that leaves him with an insatiable, raging bone-on 24/7. But with a name like "Sizemore", well, you're pretty much born into a mystical erectile destiny.

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08 June 2005

Tom Sizemore: Saving Private Ryan and Showing Private Parts

Oh God. Oh heavenly lordy God. No. Please, please.
OK, listen. This whole "celebrity sex tape" rumpus has got to end now. Right now. We never thought we'd call for a terminus on naked famous people on film, but that was before we heard the whispers of the existance of a Tom Sizemore sex tape. Fred [...]

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