Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and daughter Suri reunited with John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston — plus over 4000 other Scientologists — at a massive party.

The stars were surprise guests at the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists held at Saint Hill Manor in East Grinsted, West Sussex. During nearly two hours of speeches, Cruise, 47, briefly addressed the rapturous, fist-pumping crowd: “Because we never took our eyes off the ultimate prize, we stand where we are today,” he intoned, witnesses tells Us. “We are in this together!”

When a choir took to the stage, the Cruise-Holmes family stood up with the rest of the audience. “Tom was swaying and looked like he was in heaven,” an attendee tells Us. “He was really, really into it. Katie was next to him doing her best to look as enthusiastic. She was clapping along with the song, but was totally out of sync.”

Later, during a reception, Cruise was overheard chatting with another American man about the protesters outside the venue. “They’re squirrels,” Cruise said angrily, according to a witness. “Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!”

We salute you, Scientologists, for never taking your eyes off that ultimate prize. Which is traveling on a spaceship to a mountain full of evil souls or giving all your residuals to David Miscavige or wearing an eyepatch in the Nazi movie. But hey, what do we know? Ow! I just got my adorably fluffy tail stuck in this electronic incident!

He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.

Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think “God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.” He made such a big deal about it. Same thing with Eddie Murphy—I remember somebody calling and saying, “You’ll never guess who was just caught with a transvestite!” [Laughs.] And I remember thinking that seemed fitting, because there are certain people in showbiz who make it an agenda, every third sentence has to have something knocking that life choice, and you think, “What are you doing?”

That sounds like a Tom Cruise that we would find compelling. Think about it. “Katie is wonderful, amazing, beautiful” repeated ad nauseam is way less interesting than “I like chicken Kiev, except when gay people smell like horse tails.”

Become our friend on Facebook, in case there are no gay people there.

Katie has become noticeably more miserable in the last few months. She finds it incredibly taxing to lead a life that revolves around Tom but that doesn't include enough intimate time with him to be genuinely fulfilling. She doesn't just want to go to red-carpet events with him. She always feels like she's competing for Tom's attention.

First off, the subject of Tom and Katie having sex is about as repulsive as that TV show we once saw about the world's largest tumor. But if Katie were so bold as to disregard her contract and beg Tom for some pumpin', we think it would go a little something like this:

Katie: Tommmmmm, I'm horny. Pleeeeeease have sex with me. Just this once? Pleeeease? I'll try really hard to get pregnant so it won't be wasted for you.

Tom: (Reaches into a drawer, then tosses Katie a dildo.) You don't need me. Use this. I don't have time for sex anyway. I have to get to Barney's. Will Smith and I are shopping for sunglasses.

Katie Holmes may be coming to the end of her Purification Rundown diet, but it seems she isnít stopping there with her commitment to Scientology.

I can reveal that the 30-year-old actress resolves problems with her husband Tom Cruise by making weekly written confessions, as laid out in the Scientology code.

"Katie has to confess to something as minor as forgetting to tell him she has met with a friend," says a source. "If she commits a transgression against the moral code of their marriage, she has to tell Tom in writing, giving full details of the time and place and what happened."

Yeah, but she gets off easy compared to Suri. Not yet being able to write, the toddler must relay her sins to her father via aboriginal folk dancing.

TOM Cruise could use a geography lesson. In Rio de Janeiro hawking "Valkyrie," Cruise tried to ingratiate himself to reporters by saying hola (hello) and gracias (thanks), not realizing that the language of Brazil is Portuguese, not Spanish. Accord ing to Glamurama.com, Cruise also said he fell in love with Brazil watching movies about samba and tango, unaware that tango is an Argentine dance. Cruise, who's been staying with wife Katie and baby Suri at the Copacabana Palace, took a side trip to the private island of plastic surgeon Dr. Ivo Pitanguy, who has his own landing strip and a menagerie of exotic animals.

OK, hold up. Private island? Plastic surgeon? Menagerie of exotic animals? Just what in the ding-dang hell is going on here? Because if Katie started looking more and more like a giraffe in every picture, we wouldn't be too surprised. At least then Tom could abandon the pretense of wearing lifts.

Britney Spears had reportedly contacted Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to learn more about Scientology.

The singer is apparently interested in using the controversial faith to help her come to terms with her recent problems.

According to Heat, Spears told a friend: "I have met Katie a few times, so I called her up and just started asking questions about Scientology. I'm always open to new things.

"Katie told me she wasn't so sure about it at first either, but once Tom explained it to her and she read the books and took some classes, it really started to work for her.

"Then Tom wanted to talk to me about it, so I did. He was nice and answered all my questions and sent me books."

Cruise has reportedly encouraged celebrities including David Beckham and Kirsten Dunst to discover Scientology.

Yeah, that's exactly what Britney needs, to believe in alien overlords and e-meters. We think she was better off thinking that all of her problems would be solved by a $25 piece of red string.

But Tommy's sage advice doesn't stop at the Brit. He's also trying to help Spencer Pratt. Unless Tom's trying to help him onto a deserted island with no cameras or internet service we're not really interested. E! reports on something called The Hills After Show (because watching the show just isn't enough; now you must watch people talk about watching the show):

There are a lot of confusing things about The Hills After Show, like where does host Dan Levy (Eugene's son) get his clothes? Is cohost Jessi Cruickshank related to Shenae Grimes, by any chance? And seriously, how does this show even exist?

But last night they bewildered us even more when they somehow managed to drag Tom Cruise into the whole Speidi faux-marriage mix by asking him if it was it cool for Spencer to make Heidi elope when she wanted a big wedding.

Well, sorry, Spence, but Tommy-boy does not approve. "If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta give the wedding," he says. "But you'll learn that later."

Looks like Pratt is listening. "You all know how I feel about big weddings, but if Tom Cruise says so, it must be true," he responded to Usmagazine.com, adding, "If Tom's the best man, we'll have a big wedding!"

Poor Heidióthere goes her shot at a big bash.

That's pretty low to sink, even for Tom Cruise. What's next? Will he weigh in on whether Tila Tequila should choose dong or clit? Help the Duggars come up with a name for the 18th kid?

MGMís marketing team is working hard to convince audiences that their oft-delayed Tom Cruise vehicle ìValkyrieî is a thriller and not the chatfest ìLions for Lambsî was. But those who've gotten an early glimpse say not only is the film nowhere near as exciting as a thriller, but Cruiseís performance elicits uncomfortable and inappropriate laughs.

Among them: A scene where Cruiseís character, Claus Von Stauffenberg, is forced to give the infamous ìHeil Hitlerî salute. ìItís an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh," the source says. "His character is resisting it but you never forget itís Tom Cruise saying ëHeil Hitler.í Itís funny and shocking at the same time.î

Sources also described a scene where Cruiseís character Claus Von Stauffenberg removes a false eye. ìIt was disgusting,î said one person who saw the film. ìIt was like watching someone pluck their contacts out.î

ìThe film just isnít a thriller at allî said one ìValkyrieî viewer. ìItís a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms. Itís too bad. And Tom doesnít speak with a German accent ó though they did add a voiceover of him speaking German to the beginning of the film. Still, itís as if he could say ëI complete youí at any time. This is not his Oscar moment.î

When we first saw the trailer for Valkyrie and noticed Cruise's lack of accent, we thought that this would be just like Kevin Costner's Americanized Robin Hood in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which case: awesome! That means that Tom Cruise's career is going to start getting really interesting. He'll have to fall in love with Whitney Houston, move to the Wild West for a while, fill the whole world with lots and lots of water and waste tons and tons of money that will never be recouped, bring hope to a post-apocalyptic world through the magic of mail, and play about fourteen baseball players. That sounds like way more fun than Magnolia. Stupid damn frogs.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have made it no secret that they want more children in addition to daughter Suri ó and no one is rooting for a new Cruise baby more than Tomís ex, Nicole Kidman!

In the December issue of Glamour, the star of the upcoming Australia explains that Connor, her teenage son with Tom, is still hoping for a brother. ì[He] would like one of us to have a boy,î she confesses. ìHe wants that boy. Katie?î

The idea that Nicole is throwing down a challenge to Katie, her successor in the role of Mrs. Tom Cruise, may seem odd to some. But since the actress married country superstar Keith Urban she and Tom have become increasingly civil, almost friendly ó especially when it comes to their adopted children, Bella and Connor.

The two couples exchange Christmas gifts, and Katie personally selected $2,000 worth of baby goodies from Neiman Marcus in Beverly Hills to send to Nicole shortly before the July 7 birth of Sunday Rose, her daughter with Keith. As OK! exclusively reported at the time, Bella and Connor flew to Nashville to meet their new half sister just days later.

ìAt 41, Nicole knows sheís not likely to have another baby,î a friend of the actress tells OK!. ìItís obviously up to the much younger Katie to give Connor that baby brother.î

And the Cruises are more than ready to welcome a new child into their lives.

ìKatie and Tom very much want another baby,î a friend of the couple tells OK!. ìThere may be no better time than now for Katie to get pregnant again and absolutely nothing would make Tom happier."

When Connor sat his adoptive mom and his stepmom down to present his request that one of their wombs be filled with a teeny little baby penis, Nicole screamed, "No, I can't! I can't take another nine months without Botox! I won't do it! You do it, Katie, it's your turn. Tom's paying you way more than he paid me anyway. It's your duty."


Did you know that you can see Katie Holmes nude at MrSkin.com? Well, you can.

And you know what else? You can also see Nicole Kidman nude there.

ì[The first time I spoke with Smith], I had to reassure him over and over that I could guarantee discretion. Once I convinced him I could, he placed his order. It was for a man. Youíd be surprised at how many Hollywood stars requested the services of the guys.î

This lends itself quite nicely to Smithís new allegiance to the homo-curing religion of Scientology:

Could Smithís proclivities account for his recent apparent conversion to Scientology, a religion thatís chief appeal in Hollywood appears to be its promise to turn gay people straight? The religionís founder, L. Ron Hubbard, believed homosexuals should be quarantined from society because he considered gays to be ìquite ill physicallyî and homosexuality a ìmental aberration.î

Looking back, this is all quite obvious if you explore the early oeuvre of the Fresh Prince releases. "I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson" was just a radio-friendly version of the more colorful "I Think I Can Beat Off Mike Tyson". And "Parents Just Don't Understand" was actually the harrowing tale of coming out to one's mother and father and not, as one would assume, a song about buying Zips and picking up pre-teen runaways. Actually, no, that's pretty gay too.