First up, Gisele Bundchen. According to People:

Gisele Bundchen is expecting and ìecstatic,î sources tell PEOPLE. She is due early next year. Speculation has grown since pictures showing the supermodel in Brazil this week surfaced showing what seems to be a perceptible bump.

Yeah, we don't know. The above picture was supposedly taken this weekend at a Pantene event and maybe that's a "perceptible bump" in Supermodeltown, but it looks to us like you could chop tomatoes on that stomach.

Someone we can very easily imagine chopping various and sundry vegetables on his gut is Matthew McConaughey, who is expecting baby part 2 with girlfriend Camila Alves for real. He blogged:

"We have more blessed news to celebrate this Father's Day that [will] make this time next year double the fun. Levi is going to be a big brother… Camila and I are expecting our second child, bringing more life into the world, making more to live for. Viva la evolucion, naturally, and in the mean times and all time, just keep livin."

We love that McConaughey has embraced the corny catchphrase of his defining role and made it part of him. Which is more than we can say for Bronson Pinchot, who refused to do the Dance of Joy even after we offered him 2 dollars and half a pack of Chewels.

It's official!

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady wed Thursday just before 6 p.m. at the St. Monica Catholic Church in Santa Monica, Calif., Usmagazine.com confirms.

The bride, 28, donned a form-fitting ivory lace strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband, all by Dolce & Gabbana. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars.

Dolce & Gabbana most recently dressed Fergie for her January nuptials to Josh Duhamel.

The ceremony — which began at dusk — was "very small and intimate," a source tells Us, adding that guests mostly consisted of immediate family. Brady's 1 Ω son with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, was also present.

(Fitting, as Bundchen once described her ideal wedding as "a simple ceremony…I don't like parties, I prefer something more intimate, just for the closest people.")

After the wedding, they had a small gathering at their home in L.A.'s Brentwood neighborhood. Brady's wedding band was visible upon leaving the church, while Bundchen carried her new stepson to the car.

Man, these two are boring. "I don't like parties. I'm too beautiful to be satiated by your pedestrian forms of entertainment. I've never even heard 'The Electric Slide.'"

ï Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

ï Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

ï Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

ï Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

ï The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

ï Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

ï Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

ï Boil some water and get some clean sheets–Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

ï Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

ï Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

Philippe on East 60th Street has allegedly videotaped celebrity customers as they frolicked in what they thought was a private room. The restaurant's private wine cellar is outfitted with hidden security cameras. And employees at the Chinese eatery have screened the videos after the stars leave, says an insider. "They've watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people," said our source. "Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what's going on." A rep for Philippe confirmed there are cameras in the private rooms, especially where expensive wine is stored, "for security purposes," but claimed that "all tapes are deleted. It is completely and utterly false that anyone has access to view the videos at Philippe, which are maintained off-site at our corporate headquarters," said flack Ronn Torossian. "The privacy of our clientele is our foremost concern. . . . Any statement saying to the contrary is utterly and completely false." Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.

With all the riches and diamond tiaras and bars of gold that celebrities have, it's nice to know that when it comes down to it, they still prefer to hook up in dank, musty, cold, dark holes, just like the rest of us mortals. And by "mortals" we mean "voles and groundhogs". Nothing like the scent of rotting cork and the sensuous touch of cobwebs on your bare ass to really get that genital batter flowing.

Dig into Gisele's Bundchens at MrSkin.com.

ï Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

ï Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

ï Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

ï Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

ï Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

ï Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

ï Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

ï Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)

A Brazilian website reported yesterday that Tom Bradyís girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant. Bundchen would be no more than two months [along], but may already have told select friends and family.

MAY be pregnant. MAY have told friends and family. Way to avoid controversy, Boston. Let's just assume this is simply a rumor, but honestly, does it need to be a rumor? What's the point? Tom Brady is already a revered professional athlete who gets paid more than surgeons who restore sight to blind orphans, his Abercrombiesque mug melts women to the ground, and he's already put a baby inside physically enchanting Bridget Moynahan. Do we really, really need to believe that his sperm is made of rubies and the finest fatty tuna with the ability to penetrate the wombs of the world's choicest females? We think it's most likely just wishful thinking on the part of US Weekly and People who, in dire need of a cute catchphrase now that "baby bump" has fallen out of favor, are deliriously picturing the clever "THE BRADY BUNDCHEN!" headlines.

Thanks to Splash for the pic!

See more of Gisele at MrSkin.com.

"Bridget Moynahan is over three months pregnant. Former boyfriend Tom Brady is the father. They recently split after a three year relationship. Privacy and consideration is appreciated at this time. No further comments will be made."

When asked to comment, Tom Brady said, "I am a very handsome man whose professional athlete sperm impregnated one world-renowned beauty and so I dropped her and now I am cramming it into Gisele Bunchen." And then everyone around him gave him five dollars and shined his shoes with their tongues.

Bridget will make you wanna get her pregnant at MrSkin.com.