CelebNewsWire» Tina Fey Archives – CelebNewsWire

Tina Fey, from No Cock to 30 Rock

Agent E. — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:59:06 +0000

These days Tina Fey is the ultimate in nerd chic and everyone wants a piece of her funnylady gold. But back before SNL and 30 Rock and all those Emmys poor Tina couldn’t get anybody to diddle her flesh fiddle. As David Letterman read a list of “old virgins” from a tabloid, Fey laughed at the inclusion of her name as a former 24-year-old virgin:

“[I] Couldn’t give it away. That’s just good, Christian values, or, being homely.”

Aw, 24 ain’t so old. Well, at least if you’re Gary Coleman.

Paris Hilton: A Braless "Piece of Shit" with Chancres

Agent E. — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 17:59:26 +0000

A day in the life of Paris Hilton: gets called "piece of shit," is reminded to always remember her herpes medication, slips a boob. It's so much like a day in the life of CelebNewsWire, it's eerie.

Because we know our readers are a bunch of pervs, we'll start with the boob:

Yep, that's a tit alright. A tit that Stamos Nachos is about to nuzzle and suckle and fondle. And we've just discovered the image that will haunt our nightmares in the coming weeks. (X17 has the full Stamos and Paris photo series.)

But Nachos better be careful of Paris's taco, as it may contain some rancid meat. In this X17 video, Shanna Moakler has a helpful message for Paris: "She should take her Valtrex." Yes, we've heard of Paris's ability to excel in the herperial arts many times before, but maybe this message was meant to warn Paris that Travis Barker brings more to a relationship than wicked rad air drumming moves. Perhaps when Paris and Travis combine their unique herpes strains they will create a super virus capable of infecting passersby at a hundred-foot distance that will eventually destroy the entire planet.

Meanwhile Tina Fey popped up on the Howard Stern show yesterday, and instead of answering questions about whether or not breast feeding gets her hot, she talked about Paris, whom she called "a piece of shit." Cityrag helpfully transcribed the best parts, including:

She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"!

and

[Paris] asked them to write a skit so she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her" "she's fat".

We know you're saying to yourself, "Gawd, what a bitch," but really who among us can claim that we don't hate Jessica Simpson because she's fat? You may think you're so much better than Paris, but you're not. You're just a boob-flashing, Jessica Simpson-hating walking herpes farm, just like Paris.

Start with Paris at MrSkin.com.

Then check out Shanna.

And if you've still got the energy, move on to Tina.

A Veritable Explosion of Infants

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:38:28 +0000

Yesterday, Michael Brown resigned from his trophy position heading up FEMA, and all the little babies incubating in the wombs of showbiz ladies caught wind and decided it was finally safe to enter the world. Photo spreads in People with the headline "Oh Baby!" TK.

First up: Britney Spears was reported to have pooped out Lurlene Crystal-Jo London Preston Federline this weekend, but as it turned out, the reports are false and the fetus remains wedged in her belly, safe from its father's unemployed, dirty-nailed, butterfingery mitts.

Saturday Night Live writer and all-around neato lady Tina Fey gave birth to a Mean Girl named Alice on Monday. Marc Liepis, SNL's spokesman, said that mother and daughter are "Safe, home, happy, thrilled to death." They died? OH NO!

Finally, supermodel Heidi Klum reportedly became a supermom for the second time this morning, expelling the spawn of Seal–a boy–from her highly attractive and bankable groinage. Heidi's spokesperson eschewed the usual "over the moon, delirious with joy" talk and instead told Entertainment Tonight that Heidi "hopefully will be ready for the Emmys," which air this coming Sunday. Nice to see everyone has their priorities in order.

Hot mama Britney, at MrSkin.com.

If you're not Fey, you'll look at Tina at MrSkin.com.

Heidi Klum likes to be nekkid at MrSkin.com.