CelebNewsWire» Tila Tequila Archives – CelebNewsWire

Tila Tequila Twits for Tits

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:02:39 +0000

Most people use Twitter to let everyone know when they are drinking coffee and to allow porn bots to send messages that say, “LOL this you? http://sdfkje.ehlw.com” Some use it to network. And then there’s fetus-faced chatterbox Tila Tequila, who tweets conspiracy theories about how a masked intruder locked her dog in her trunk and how the government wants to shut down her titty blog because she’s onto the truth. If you have patience and a Kanye West-level tolerance for capital letters, it’s a rich source of entertainment. She even used Twitter to come out as a gay lady a few hours ago:

I was in denial for a long time and i found that lying to myself isnt cool. I finally realized that im Lesbian. Not bisexual. I love women.

After that, she released a barrage of tweets about how happy she was, and how straight people are haters. Then she quit Twitter. Then she used some racial slurs. The she started posting hundreds—literally hundreds—of tweets like:

For all the lovers Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Straight men & women who LOVE then go to www.TilasHotSpotDating.com where I get fully naked!

www.TilasHotSpotDating.com the new HOTTEST PLACE TO BE! All people are welcome! Love & friendly & I strip naked 4 my girls! Boys can watch!

mmmm…..I can’t stop thinking about women. OH NO…I am going to be SOOOOOOO NAUGHTY now that I’ve come out! OH MY! TROUBLE! LOL

We’re sure that the gay rights movement is elated to have the brave and powerful voice of Tila Tequila on their side to represent the struggle of coming out, dealing with prejudice, fighting for equal rights, and trying to get people to pay per view her implants. She’s just like Harvey Milk!

Follow US on Twitter. We won’t ask you to buy shit.

CNW Junk Drawer: “I Still Love Her, But She’s Retarded”

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:21:10 +0000

Nicole Kidman. Touch her and she will not flinch. Cut her and she will not bleed. She is Terminator Barbie. Botox syringe sold separately. (D-listed)
Tila Tequila threatens suicide. On Twitter, so you know she means business. (Yeeeah!)
Guy Ritchie says Madonna is “retarded”. You forgot “dummy” and “dipstick” and “diarrhea breath”, Guy. (Us Weekly)
Mischa Barton fears she’ll never work again. Not with that skank-ass scrubbly weave you won’t. BURN! (Faded Youth)
Video of the Jayde Nicole/Brody Jenner/Joe Francis bar fight. Joe drags Jayde across the floor by her hair, which comes as a complete shock to us because we thought he was a giving and nurturing gentleman who loved and respected women. (RadarOnline)
Hell hath no fury like a Suri Cruise denied her JP Licks. (CeleBitchy)
Katie Price attacks the paps with an umbrella. Nice try, but Britney did it first, better, and balder, trick. (Anything Hollywood)
Hilary Swank’s boyfriend’s 6-year-old son sees her boobs daily. (Mr. Skin)
Lady Gaga video, before she was Gaga’ed out. Aw, look. It’s Meadow Soprano. (Amy Grindhouse)

Tila Tequila Gets Throat Throttled

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:13:13 +0000

There are lots of terrible things we’d like to do to Tila Tequila. Give her a noogie. Flick boogers upon her person. Ask her why the hell she bought boobs that big when she’s shorter than your average Gummi Bear. But trying to kill her via choking is out of line, which is why we can’t support football player/Tila humper Shawne Merriman. On Saturday night, the pair went to a club, where Tila was seen lap dancing all over the dude. They then retired to Merriman’s home, where some sort of foolhardiness occurred. NBC reports:

San Diego Chargers star outside linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested Sunday and accused of choking and restraining his girlfriend, reality TV star Tila Tequila, as she tried to leave his suburban home.

Sheriff’s deputies got the call at 3:45 a.m. on Sunday . . .“Nguyen told deputies she had been choked and physically restrained by Merriman when she attempted to leave his residence,” San Diego County Sheriff’s spokesperson Jan Caldwell said.

Merriman told authorities that he was simply restraining Tila so that she didn’t drive drunk. Tila fired back via that bastion of truth, Twitter:

I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila “Tequila” cuz the irony. I cant drink.

The funny thing is, the night of the incident, she Tweeted this:

Dman im drunk!!!!!!! Im headed to this Chargers VS 49ers game right now!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY!!!!!! @shawnemerriman u ready?? LETS GOOOOO! =)

You don’t have to be Hercule Poirot to know that something is fishy here. You don’t have to be, but it would help. Especially with dating. Women really love bow ties and turned-up mustaches.

We, too, are often drunk on Twitter, so follow us!

Madonna Is Wicked Crazy Bummed

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:22:35 +0000

As the news of Michael Jackson's death reaches around the globe, we're seeing an outpouring of emotion. From celebrities. Via Twitter and stuff. Tila Tequila tweeted:

"Been layin in bed all night blasting MJ music and watching videos. This is truly an epic and historical moment"

Sir Paul McCartney said:

"He was a massively talented boy man with a gentle soul."

And Madonna? She released this statement:

"I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson."

Well, Michael Jackson's death did come as a bit of a shock. Almost as much of a shock as the fact that Madonna has working human tear ducts that are able to spew something besides dust, or flesh-dissolving acid. We find it hard to believe Madonna would cry for anyone. Especially not Argentina.

CNW Junk Drawer: The Forbidden Dance

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:59:47 +0000

ï Anne Hathaway wraps her legs around costar and begs "Fuck me." Well, okay. (Mr Skin)

ï A lady got kissed to deaf. Zing! What a clever play on words! (Celebitchy)

ï Tila Tequila is ready to adopt! A baby even! Not just a new weave or a maltipoo! (CelebWarship)

ï Khloe Kardashian shows her side teat-a and full seat-a for PETA. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï And Kid Rock is all "see my vest, see my vest, made of real gorilla chest." (Anything Hollywood)

ï Britney's backup dancers have to make tinkles in cups. (Pop on the Pop)

ï It's been a while since we've eyeballed Kelly Brook in her lacy undertrimmings. (Holy Taco)

ï J. Lo has a better set of twins than Max and Emme. (Derek Hail)

ï Jay Leno will be taking his chambray shirts and wind-tossed silver mane to the 10 PM slot. (Hollywire)

Happy You Can Marry Your Gay Lover? Thank Tila Tequila.

Agent E. — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:48:19 +0000

So Tila Tequila single-handedly broke down the walls of gay oppression. Thanks to her gays and lesbians everywhere can cast off their shackles and emerge from their caves of shame and finally look breeders in the eye and know that they are equal. Thank you, Tila, for bravely making out with hot chicks on camera. Because of you the world is finally an enlightened place. You're like a modern day Abe Lincoln. Us Weekly reports on Tila's grossly inflated sense of self-importance:

MTV reality queen Tila Tequila says she played a part in California recently dropping its ban on gay marriage.

"It is because of me ó I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement," she told Usmagazine.com at the Hollywood premiere of The Love Guru on Wednesday.

"Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]," she said. "Then they realized, 'Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.' The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal."

What else is A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila responsible for? Barack Obama winning the Democratic nomination? The wide availability of organic produce? Amy Winehouse being spared from jail? The Duggars' eighteenth little gift from God?

Tila lezzes it up at MrSkin.com.

EXLUSIVE! CNW Goes Backstage at the MTV Movie Awards

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:59:28 +0000

In case you missed last night's airing of the MTV Movie Awards, fear not! MTV will rerun them probably three times a day until next June. You can see famous lady attendees in their finery here, you can peruse the list of winners here, but the big news is that we went all Perez and actually had a CelebNewsWire correspondent backstage at the awards as well as at the afterparty. So without further ado, please enjoy the following EXCLUSIVE!!!!! SECRET!!! SCOOP!!!!!! on the backstage goings-on.

According to our spy:

7. Most sought-after celeb backstage: Christian Siriano from Project Runway.
6. Second most sought-after celeb backstage: Rainn Wilson. "Ladies love him," says Deep Throat. He is also extremely nice and personable, having time for everyone. He was worried about how his teddy-bear-tied-to-dong skit would come off, though he needn't have fretted.
5. Also top dog in the personality category: Anna Faris. Who, apparently, enjoys a cigarette or two but will only bum puffs off others instead of smoking her own.
4. Vern Troyer was riding on people's shoulders.
3. Tila Tequila is actually rather attractive in real life (we're having a hard time believing this one).
2. Lindsay Lohan was there with an entire entourage . . . of homosexuals. Of the boy homo and girl homo varieties. She would ONLY hang out with the gays and the lezzies, no mere mortal breeders were allowed to enter the orbit of the Lohan. No Samantha Ronson, however.
1. Paris Hilton was backstage . . . in a display case. No. Really. It was a cordoned-off area where she sat perched on a couch behind curtains and ropes, surrounded by colossal African-American bodyguards, who shielded her from view when she smoked cigarettes. Later, she and Benji Madden were escorted away and Christian Siriano replaced her in the sideshow freak display.

We hear that next year, everyone is expecting to up the ante by having Lindsay Lohan scissor Tila Tequila on top of Vern Troyer's shoulders while smoking. Which, coincidentally, is the basis for the new reality hit planned for VH-1's fall line up. It's called The Lindsay Lohan Scissoring Tila Tequila on Top of Vern Troyer's Shoulders While Smoking Comedy Hour. No idea how they came up with that title.

Lust after more Lindsay at MrSkin.com.

And peruse naked Paris while you're there.