The news that Nicollette Sheridan was decamping from Wisteria Lane was the biggest gossip to come out of the ìDesperate Housewivesî world until this: Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher are going to lock lips during an upcoming episode, according to Celebuzz.

When asked for comment, reps for the show wouldnít confirm or deny the report to Celebuzz.

Another ABC source wouldnít confirm, but noted ìanything is kind of possible right now. Youíve got 'Greyís Anatomy' and 'Private Practice' basically becoming one two-hour show (with Feb. 12's crossover episode), the longest ëDancing With the Starsí tease ever. I donít think a kiss between Eva and Teriís characters could be ruled out, especially if it keeps people interested in the show.î

Wait, if it keeps people interested? Implying that people are already interested in it? Because we're pretty sure that even the gays jumped ship in like 2005. Trick My Trucker probably pulls in more viewers than Desperate Housewives these days.

ï Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (Egotastic!)

ï Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs, drugs. Ack! Beautiful music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (Yeeeah!)

ï Paris Hilton gets new lips; looks even more like Alice the Goon. (Derek Hail)

ï Megan Fox does the old Uncle Joey "cut! it! out!" (Cityrag)

ï John Maya is a str8 playa. (Daily Stab)

ï Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (Celebitchy)

ï Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Porn star Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (The Blemish)

ï Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (Taxi Driver)

ï New Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (The Hollywood Gossip)

ï Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (GlossLip)

ï Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (The Blemish)

ï Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Wow, Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (Daily Stab)

ï Yikes, someone get Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (CelebWarship)

ï Slice your wrists, get the girl. Kate Hudson is willing to give Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (Yeeeah!)

"The whole first season, thousands of dollars were spent digitally erasing my nipples. I think Greyís Anatomy gets to have nipples and I have a little beef to have with the network about that. Then again, they are on at 10 oíclock ñ 10 oíclock, you can have nipples, 9 oíclock, no nipples."

We're really into the fact that ABC happily spent thousands and thousands of dollars hiring computer wizards with fancy programs to digitally erase Teri Hatcher's THO, frame by frame, from each shot. Instead of buying her a padded bra. Or spending $3.49 on adhesive nip guards. Or a buck on duct tape from the 99 Center over on West Addison. The duct tape wouldn't be for her nipples though, it would be for placing over her mouth. Because she's annoying, see.
P.S.

Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? No?

See some Hairy Snatcher! Teri Hatcher is very nude at MrSkin.com.

I think they should have been bronzed at some point because there was so much hysteria surrounding them. I suppose you could have worse compliments.

Nice as they were then, she spilled the beans on how to create the illusion of perfect beans when one is slightly longer in the tooth:

Any model or Hollywood actress who wears fancy designer ball gowns knows how to expertly manipulate gaffer tape to mush, lift and hold your breasts like a bra. It's a perfect temporary boob job. When you wear those complicated, low-cut dresses, and you're 40, that's how you can achieve perfect cleavage.

She left out the part where the perfect cleavage attracts a dashing man and she invites him back to her place for a nightcap and puts on some nice, unobtrusive smooth jazz and kicks off her Jimmy Choos and they sink into the couch, laughing, then he gently gives her a soft kiss and slowly, slowly slips down her Carolina Herrera gown and out pops a pair of weathered, leathered yambags laden with stretch marks and criss-crossed with double-sided cellophane and silver duct tape, which he will have to remove with an X-acto knife and a half pint of Goo Gone if he wants to free his mammular prize.

See them jugs for yourself! Teri is naked at MrSkin.com.

I remember her coming to me and saying, 'Let me sleep with someone!'

He continued that she

is always complaining that she doesn't have a boyfriend in real life, so I think she pushes me to have her date on the show because it's the only action she gets.

Teri wants to bury something in her hairy. The Hatch wants to catch something in her snatch. This Desperate Housewife wants to, uh, house something in her, uh . . . aw, screw it, we give up.

Find out what's in Teri's hatch at MrSkin.com.

ï Evangeline Lilly blames Hollywood for forcing her to get really, really buff.

ï IF you want Rod Stewart's daughter's naked bo-dy, AND you think she's sex-y, COME on sugar, click right here.

ï Ashlee Simpson begins her slow, painful metamorphosis into her sister. First, the nose. Then comes the Jackass copulating.

ï Anna Nicole Smith climbed on top of an 89-year-old man, placed his shriveled, liver spotted member into her person, and is probably getting a billion dollars for the trouble. Now, possibly some dude has mounted Anna Nicole's shriveled, Trimspa-ravaged body, placed his member inside her person, impregnated her, and wants the ca$h. Ah, the circle of life.

ï Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack! Dunstcrack!!!

ï Eva Longoria talks about getting naked or doing it or something like that. In related news, bear shits in woods, Pope wears funny hat, etc. etc.

ï Denise Richards tries to shake off the shit-stink of husbandstealing assholism, turning the tables on Heather Locklear, saying, "Heather knows why we arenít friends.î Which sounds suspiciously like the now-classic "Nicole knows what she did."