Gawd, What's up Ted Turner's Ass?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 17:10:27 +0000

A nursing student friend of ours once told us that the reason one feels sick to one's stomach the night after a heavy bender is because the alcoholic residue forms a thick, mucusy miasma in one's stomach, and the only way to relieve the nausea is by vomiting up the vile sewage. We're assuming a good portion of our readers are suffering from this malady as we speak, and we're here to help! After the cut, an update of a story we brought you last month, about a bygone sex tape depicting Ted Turner getting hammered in the stoolbox by a dildo-donning Jane Fonda. See? You're dry heaving already. Ahhh, better. Right?

Allan MacDonell, former Hustler editor and author of the just-released memoir Prisoner of X, recently sat down for an interview with MrSkin.com. After answering questions about Larry Flynt and his work creating Barely Legal magazine, he not only elaborated on the Jane-Ted tape, but threw in a charming tidbit about Chuck Berry and what his Ding-a-Ling really liked: feces! When asked about the worst celebrity sex tapes he was privy to during his tenure at Hustler, MacDonell replied,

The worst is a toss up–as in tossed-up lunch–between two. First there was an endless compilation reel that was presented as being Chuck Berry licking poo from the crap ovens of a collection of crude chicks, gulping girl urine, and filling a blonde's yap with pee.

Second was the footage purported to document Oscar-winner Jane Fonda slinging a strap-on dong up the crapper of newsman Ted Turner while he pumped the slot of a brunette I had never seen before in my life. I came away with the impression that both these tapes were true and authentic.

We're not sure if Ted Turner has as much clout as he did in those halcyon days we called "the '90s", but if he does, we fear for MacDonell's health and safety. Chuck Berry? Him, we're not so worried about. Because he'd probably just hurl a handful of turds when angered.

You Tarzan. Her Jane. Her naked. At MrSkin.com.

New Book Alleges Fonda Made Turner Her Bitch

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 01 Mar 2006 17:30:01 +0000

She's Fonda threesomes, and she'll Turner him over to administer a hearty rogering. Last names gain new hilarity as author Allan MacDonell, in his new book Prisoner of X, writes of viewing a sex tape involving Jane Fonda, then-husband Ted Turner, a random woman, and a strap-on.

Quite a while ago, we reported on Fonda relating tales of being forced into threesomes by ex-hubby Roger Vadim. Now we're left wondering who, in fact, was doing the forcing. The New York Daily News reports that in MacDonell's soon-to-be-published memoir of his years editing Hustler magazine, he recounts the tale of watching the sex tape (years before they became the norm! Way to be a trendsetter, Jane!), corroborated by former editor Mike McPadden and another unnamed ex-coworker:

Suffice it to say that the purported Fonda is allegedly wearing artificial equipment to pleasure the alleged Turner while he services the brunette and asks the camera operator, "Are you getting this?"

Fonda and Turner's people claimed they could not be reached for comment, but Larry Flynt is blasÈ about the whole business.

"I really don't have any comment on the so-called Ted Turner videotape. Ted Turner and I have been friends for 30 years. I knew Ted before CNN , , , It's not like capturing a hypocritical congressman in the sack."

We, like Yorkshire terriers, are much more easily excited than Flynt. We need this video now. We need this book now.

Jane! She's nude! At MrSkin.com!

CelebNewsWire» Ted Turner Archives – CelebNewsWire

Gawd, What's up Ted Turner's Ass?

New Book Alleges Fonda Made Turner Her Bitch