Never. I'm a persistent motherfucker. I'm very sensual and very rhythm-oriented and into poetry. Women can feel that.

And just in case you still thought you were reading a classy fashion magazine and not Penthouse Forum, he continued with an oh-so-believable story about having his first "sexual experience" with teenage twins. When he was seven. Uh huh. He said:

They sat next to me in the church choir and took me home one day. We had a you-show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-mine session.

Steven, honey, the neighbor girl's Barbie dolls don't count. Although that would explain why your current face belies a deep-seated fetish with smooth, plastic body parts.

Rocker Steven Tyler just issued a statement to TMZ about his recent stint in rehab. He claims his "trademark athletic performances" injured his feet, requiring surgery and causing him a bunch of pain. Guess it was hard on the knees!

Tyler tells TMZ "The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time. The 'foot repair' pain was intense, greater than I'd anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, AEROSMITH has no plans to stop rocking. There's a new album to record, then another tour."

A dude notorious for drug ingestion checking into rehab for a hurty foot. Dunno, dudes. We're not buying it. Now scarf burn, on the other hand . . . that would be a different story.

None of today's stories were particularly sexy (except for the Clay Aiken one, which was positively erotic) so here's Adriana Lima in Elle mag.

Steven Tyler has checked into rehab.

The Aerosmith frontman – who claims to have been sober for 20 years since cleaning up his act in rehab in the mid-80s – is being treated at Las Encinas Hospital's drug rehabilitation clinic in Pasadena, California, for "substance abuse".

Steven, 60, previously credited his film star daughter Liv, 30, and his Aerosmith bandmates for helping him recover from his previous alcohol and drug addictions.

He previously said: "Four rehabilitation centres for drug abuse later, I've been able to take a long, hard look at my behaviour."

He is currently dating Erin Brady – who has a penchant for the rock 'n' roll lifestyle and was once thrown out of a casino hotel for brawling.

The clinic at Las Encinas Hospital has been made famous by hit TV show 'Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew'.

We did a little sleuthing around to try to find out what substance, specifically, Mr. Tyler was having problems with. We questioned friends, family, and crew, we used bugs and hidden cameras, and we staked out the rehab facility. But actually, the one thing that truly tipped us off and unlocked the secrets of Steven Tyler's addiction was his own lyrics. Specifically, the lyrics for the haunting dirge "Pink". Allow us, if you will, to share these disturbing couplets with you. Prepare to enter the mind of a tortured poet.

Pink ñ itís my new obsession.
Pink ñ itís not even a quession.

Pink as the bing on your cherry.
Pink ñ ëcause you are so very

ëCause pink is the new kinda lingo.
Pink, like a deco umbrella: (Yeah)

I want to be your lover.
I ñ I wanna wrap you in rubber.
As pink as the sheets that we lay on
ëCause pink is my favorite Crayon.

Yeah, pink when I turn out the light!
Ah, yeah, pink ñ itís like red, but not quite.

Only a high person would sing such evil.

ï Sweet little cherub Mandy Moore is bringin' schlumpy back, and pulling it off.

ï And lo, brash angel of God Kathy Griffin alit and sayeth unto Tori Spelling: "unto you a childe is borne!"

ï Paris Hilton has been officially charged with drunk driving. Now, if only she were to be officially charged by the fashion police. Ooh! That's right! We went there! Uh-huh! Two snaps up, girlfriend!

ï Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is one hep cat.

ï Ashlee Simpson premiered as Roxie Hart in the London Cambridge Theatre's production of Chicago Monday night. And alas, there was no one with an oversized novelty hook, nor any clowns with comical janitor's brooms in sight.

ï Lindsay Lohan's father brags about porking his daughter's Herbie stunt double. No punch line needed.

ï A helpful compendium of celebrity nippage to clip, save, collect, and trade with friends.

ï Tom and K-Hole are looking for a project they can star in together. Might we suggest adapting Ronnie Spector's biography, Be My Baby? Though Tom as a megalomaniacal, shrimpy Svengali with a predilection for shades holding his young and innocent wife captive in their own home might be a bit of a stretch. Har de har har.

ï Piper Perabo lowers herself to date former pill-popper/Friends friend Matthew Perry. Move over TomKat and Brangelina, here's . . . Pipthew Perrybo?

ï Our #1 deity, Mariah Carey, teams up with Snoop, shoots a video, mounts a mesa of Vuitton luggage, wears very little clothing.

ï Salma Hayek chortles when confronted with Colin Farrell's weenis. Understandable.

ï Portman pokies, redux!

ï If your daughter were Tori Spelling, wouldn't you sue her too? Just for fun?

ï K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.

ï Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.

ï Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?