Alyssa Milano has sworn off dating baseball players, because they are too childish. She says, "They are grown men playing a little boy's sport. That makes them childish."

The actress, who has designed a range of Major League Baseball-approved sportswear and has her own baseball blog, admits she's such a huge fan of the sport, she dreams up game scenarios when she's trying to get to sleep.

She adds, "My stress reliever is usually baseball. In fact, sometimes when I can't sleep – because my mind is racing – I close my eyes and think about being at the stadium. I create game-winning situations. I think of the sound of the bat cracking. And you know what? It usually works."

That's so weird because usually dudes crack a bat when thinking about Alyssa Milano and are forced to daydream about baseball to "relax". It's like an O. Henry story.

Hit a homer, or at least a boner, for naked Alyssa Milano at MrSkin.com.

ï Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)

ï Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)

ï Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)

ï As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)

ï Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)

ï Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)

ï Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)

ï Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)

Actress Katie Holmes wowed runners at the New York Marathon on Sunday when she joined them en route, unannounced. Wearing the number F127, a baseball cap, purple vest and black leggings, the Batman Begins star looked like any other runner on the 26.2 mile race route. But her anonymity ended when proud husband Tom Cruise – holding the couple's daughter Suri in his arms – insisted on a kiss as Holmes hit the final stretch of the marathon in Central Park. The actress completed the marathon with a final time of five hours, 29 minutes and 58 seconds. Looking as fresh as she did when she started the marathon, superfit Holmes was overheard giggling, "Here I am baby, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours," as she ran into her husband's arms at the finish line. Proud Cruise revealed, "She's very inspired. She trained for three months."

"Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours"? Do the Cruises only speak to each other in song clichÈs? Did Tom then break into a medley of "I Ran," "I Will Always Love You," and "Mr. Roboto"? We have a suspicion that if Katie's contract gets renewed and they remain a couple into their golden years they will be the types who only refer to each other as Mother and Father and wear matching holiday sweatshirts. Although it's also possible that by that point Katie will be so sick of being married to a cracked closet case that she'll just be the old lady in layers and layers of diamonds who always has a martini in her hand.

See Katie's pre-Tom boobs at MrSkin.com.

Van Der Beek yourself to Biel at MrSkin.com.

Downtown at the Stereo party, Kevin Federline was not amused when organizers brought him to a table in the VIP area he deemed was too small and said, "Yo, I need a bigger table – I got six bitches with me."

After DJ AM finished his set, Federline hi-jacked the microphone from Kid Rock. K-Fed gave "shout-outs" to hot girls in the crowd and screamed, "I got four kids already – which one of you Kentucky girls wants to have my fifth?"

There were no takers, and a spy said Kid started to "tool" on Federline, making fun of him.

We hear at the race itself Federline spied the Queen and confessed, "Damn, bitch is lookin' fine. I'd give her a coupla shorties."

And what else was happening in the club that night? May Anderson's friends were taking pictures of her panties "while Star Jones and Al Reynolds ground hips nearby." Does a sustained retching sound constitute a joke? Cause that's all we've got.

TOTALLY GROSS UPDATE: Yeeeah! brings us picutres of the Star-on-Al action. He seems as disgusted by the prospect as we are.

TONY Parker's new rap record sounds like unhip-hop to us. The San Antonio Spur and fiancÈ of Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria yesterday released his debut album, "Balance-toi," in which he's heard bragging in French about his lavish lifestyle. Some of the less-than-impressive lyrics translate as: "What, you want to dance? No, it's not worth it. Me, I'll stay on the sofa, enjoying the vibe by raising my arms." Stick to dribbling and leave the rapping to the pros, Tony!

You can watch the video for yourself at Yeeeah!, but we suggest you skip it in favor of a true hip-hop genius.

ï We can see right through Mischa Barton.

ï And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

ï Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

ï Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

ï Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

ï Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

ï Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

ï Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

ï The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.

(photo via Boston.com)

Ah, the sinewy grace of a professional figure skater. The skilled, supple gliding across the ice. The powerful yet elegant jumps. Tonya Harding may have at one point possessed all these things (and that's debatable), but as of late, she's exchanged her ice skates (and her clubbin' tire iron!) for boxing gloves. Yup, it seems she got the pummeling bug after her turn on FOX's Celebrity Boxing in 2002. She now earns up to $25K per professional boxing match. "Everybody always knows me as the bad girl," she said. "So it's like, everybody else has made money, why shouldn't I?" Why, indeed? It's not like Tonya and Jeff's Wedding Night is raking in the millions.