CelebNewsWire» Sophie Monk Archives – CelebNewsWire

Shock the Monk-ey

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:18:53 +0000

One might argue that these Sophie Monk tit slip pics are candid and totally not staged. That same person would have to argue that wearing the straps of a U.S. mail harness into the ocean without any sort of adhesive and then having one’s entire yoinker flop out conveniently in front of a professional photographer while wearing a full face of artfully applied makeup is an everyday occurrence. I mean, for glamorous and mysterious people like the CelebNewsWire staff, it is. But not for boring Muggles like you.

Snip snip! The teat lies under the cut.

There are bikinis, monokinis. and tankinis. WTF kind of kini is this? Titkini.

Sophie Monk Gets Our Attention with Teeny Bikini

Agent E. — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:15:50 +0000

“Hi. My name’s Sophie Monk. I’m Australian, so you may not be familiar with me. But since you’re obviously a reader of celebrity gossip, you may remember me from such break-ups as twardbag faux punk Benji Madden back in ‘08. I assure you that we broke up before he started flinging his dangler into Paris Hilton, so I’m clean. I’ve been trying to make it big in America with movies like Sex and Death 101 and Date Movie, but I understand if you didn’t see them. So instead I’m trying a different approach. The approach of looking really really hot in a bikini. I hear it works these days. I’ve even made sure that the top is extra teeny tiny so you can get a good idea of what my boobs look like. You would have a better idea, like the entire complete thought, if you had watched Sex and Death 101, but again, not many people did. So take a good look. Do you like what you see? I bet you do. Do you know anyone in the movie industry? I don’t need a Michael Bay or a Steven Soderbergh, but someone whose movies stay in theaters for more than opening weekend would be nice. If you happen to know such a person, mention my name. Sophie Monk. It’s short. You can remember it.”

The Monk and the Yogi

Agent E. — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:38:01 +0000

A while back we introduced you to our favorite celebrity couple in the history of celebrity couples, Bai Ling and Lionel Richie. But since then we’ve only heard titterings, tales of the pair making out in the back of restaurants and whatnot, but no pictures or juicy details. So we must move on to a new strange pairing, Sophie Monk and Russell Simmons. If you recall, Sophie mashed mounds with Benji Madden, also known as the lesser, grosser Madden, before he dipped his wick in Paris Hilton’s petri dish. So what do Russell and Benji have in common, what drew Sophie to each man? Fuck if we know. They’re both involved in the music world? They both wear hats sometimes? We’re stumped. But here’s hoping it works out, mostly because we’re sure that Kimora Lee sees the demographic reach blonde Australian Sophie will add to the reality show she’s surely planning with Russell and her new husband, Djimon Hounsou. Now if she could only find a way to work in an Inuit with impetigo, she might have most of the bases covered.

CNW Junk Drawer: Is That Cher's Outfit From "If I Could Turn Back Time"?

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:58:30 +0000

ï Give to Rihanna your leather, take from her your lace. (Flisted)

ï Britney Spears vows cellulitecy. No, wait, celibacy. (EntertainmentWise)

ï Behold! It's Zuma Zoom Zoom Lunesta Rocknrolla Rossdale! (Yeeeah!)

ï Victoria Beckham will model lingerie for Emporio Armani. Because nothing says seduction like screw-on tits and visible vertebrae. (Holy Moly)

ï Britney sports some futuristic camel toe. (Cityrag)

ï Bill Pullman's son was arrested for possessing moonshine. One more time: Bill Pullman's son was arrested for possessing moonshine. (CelebWarship)

ï Adam Levine from Maroon 5 is a surprisingly successful cocksman. Now he's nabbed Sophie Monk, the lucky so-and-so. (Daily Stab)

ï Julia Roberts said "no one wants to see an old hooker." See it? We live it, baby! (Evil Beet)

ï Meadow Soprano is dating Turtle. (Hollywood Backwash)

Sophie's Choice: To Wear a Bikini or Not? The Answer is Clear

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:56:36 +0000

When you hear the word "monk", you either think of dudes in burlap robes making wine or a 1960s rock band. What you may not know is that "monk" can also refer to Sophie Monk, the delightful young lady you see before you in these pictures. Yes, the blonde in the bikini. Her. The one who was on Entourage and was at one time engaged to a random Madden. So now the word "monk" is forever linked in your mind to a scantily-clad, frightfully taut body topped off with blonde hair and a pair of lips the size of your average Escalade. Let's just hope that your school doesn't take you on any field trips to monasteries to tour their breweries or you might find yourself rubbing erotically against a dude named Brother Alan with a shaved head. Or freaking up against Tony Shalhoub maybe.

Want to see her without the bikini? Sophie Monk is nude at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: Funky Monk-y

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:37:02 +0000

ï Sophie Monk's nipples try to stab their way through her bikini top. Like they were pink, squishy pirate cutlasses. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï David Duchovny was scared that wife Tea Leoni would give him a beatdown when she saw his makeout scene with Gillian Anderson in the X-Files movie. Guess we can assume she's never seen Californication. (FemaleFirst)

ï Nick Hogan turns 18 on Sunday. That means big boy jail! Yayyy! Sooo big! (Allie Is Wired)

ï Despite the pap songs, the fishbelly complexion, and the castrato voice, being James Blunt is kind of sweet. (Cityrag)

ï More details about Batman giving his batmom a batshove. (Yeeeah!)

ï Heather Locklear has been successfully rehabilitated. Locklear v. 2.0 ready for deployment. (The Blemish)

ï Amy Winehouse wants at least five children with cracky, smacky husband Blake. Though since he's just been sentenced to 27 months in jail, that might be difficult outside of conjugal visits. (CelebWarship)

ï Two weeks post-birth, and Nicole Kidman's gut is flatter than yours. The world is a vampire. (Hollywire)

ï Gabrielle Reece shoves her volleyballs into a bikini top. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Picture it. 2008. Estelle Getty dies at her home. We'll miss you, Sophia Petrillo. (PopCrunch)

CNW Junk Drawer: Pregnant. Pregnant in Bikini. Not Pregnant in Bikini.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:30:38 +0000

ï Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (Celebitchy)

ï Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)

ï Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)

ï Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)

ï Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)

ï Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)

ï Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)

ï Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)

ï Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)

ï Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

CNW Junk Drawer: Pamela and Camela (Toe)

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:12:53 +0000

ï Pam Anderson's marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. In the eyes of the law, that means it never happened. Let us never speak of this again. (Hollywire)

ï MrSkin.com scores the first ever interview with Christian Landers, the dude behind the high-larious StuffWhitePeopleLike.com! (Mr. Skin)

ï Madonna claims that her marriage is ripe with "erotica". Excellent way to work your song title in there, Madge. Was your wedding La Isla Bonita? (Female Foist)

ï Kate Moss sans the clammy, crackulous influence of Pete Doherty = foxy. (Cityrag)

ï Awwww. Carmen Electra has found herself another funny little eyeliner-wearing alternarocker to love. (Daily Stab)

ï Sophie Monk's religious last name belies the deep cleave of her camel toe. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Renee Zellweger attended a screening of Leatherheads donning a leathered face. Sorry, Renee. You seem like a nice lady, you just make it so easy. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Sorry, boys! Looks like that hot slice of preggo jailbait Jamie Lynn Spears is off the market! (The Blemish)

ï I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, he's a Pepper, Axl Rose is a Pepper. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

And Now for Something Completely Different . . .

Agent E. — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 17:59:14 +0000

Step right up, kids, cause have we got a treat for you. Yesiree, youíre going to be cheering like a seven-year-old on a rollercoaster, uh-huh. Youíll love it. Absolutely love it. Weíve got a nipple slip, one of the rarest birds in the forest. Bet youíve never seen one of those before. And this one is from Sophie Monk. Sheís the, uh, highest caliber of A-list celebrity, right? OK, you caught us. Weíve got a nipple slip–a highly suspect and questionable one at that–from a British girl youíve never heard of. But, hey, what can you do? You canít count on Lindsay Lohan forgetting her panties every day of the week.

So Sophie Monk is a British actress. She was in Date Movie. Chances are you didnít see it. She was also in Click. Weíre guessing you didnít see that one either. And sheís dating the Good Charlotte member whoís not dating Hilary Duff. Benji or Lassie or Cujo or something. But enough with the biography, letís get on with the show.

Now, that appears to be Sophieís nipple poking out of her low-cut and easily pushed aside top. But that may be a clever deception. Sophie may be a devotee of the eight thousand gossip blogs available on the internets and perhaps sheís been keeping track of the amount of publicity available to a wayward nipple and thought this was her chance to get her name on everyoneís tongues. But being a modest and upstanding Brit, perhaps she was a little too shy to let out her actual nipple and took the remains of a melty Three Musketeers bar, rubbed it on a spot just to the left of her areola, and flagged down the nearest paparazzo. With initiative like that, this girlís destined to be a star.
Hollywood Tuna has Sophie covered. Or uncovered, as the case may be.

Get acquainted with Sophie at MrSkin.com.