WINNAHS!

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role – Penelope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona)

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen – Dustin Lance Black (Milk)

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published – Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog Millionaire)

Best Animated Feature Film – Wall-e

Best Animated Short Film – La Maison en Petit Cubes

Achievement in Art Direction – Donald Graham Burt and Victor J. Zolfo (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)

Achievement in Costume Design – Michael O'Connor (The Duchess)

Achievement in Makeup – Greg Cannom (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Achievement in Cinematography – Anthony Dod Mantle (Slumdog Millionaire)

Best Live Action Short Film – Jochen Alexander Freydank Spielzeugland (Toyland)

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role – Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Best Documentary Feature – James Marsh, Simon Chinn (Man on Wire)

Best Documentary Short Subject – Megan Mylan (Smile Pinki)

Achievement in Visual Effects – Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron (Visual Effects)

Achievement in Sound editing – Richard King (The Dark Knight)

Achievement in Sound Mixing – Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty (Slumdog Millionaire)

Achievement in Film Editing – Chris Dickens (Slumdog Millionaire)

Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award – Jerry Lewis

Achievement In Music Written For Motion Pictures (Original Score) – A.R. Rahman (Slumdog Millionaire)

Achievement In Music Written For Motion Pictures (Original Song) – A.R. Rahman, Gulzar for Jai Ho (Slumdog Millionaire)

Best Foreign Language Film – Departures (Japan)

Achievement in Directing – Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire)

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role – Kate Winslet (The Reader)

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role – Sean Penn (Milk)

Best Picture – Slumdog Millionaire

Arguably the weirdest parts of the night were the presentations of acting awards, when past winners took the stage to stare deeply into the eyes of their assigned nominee and swing from their nuts. "Sean Penn. You are an actor. And a wonderful man. You have excellent oral hygiene and you can make a decent omelet. When you wrap gifts, you fold over the edges so the receiver doesn't get a paper cut. Sean Penn, you are nice."

Mae West
Jane Russell
Marilyn Monroe
Dorothy Dandridge
Jayne Mansfield
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Brigitte Bardot
Ursula Andress
Honor Blackman
Raquel Welch
Chesty Morgan
Tura Satana
Uschi Digard
Pam Grier
Jennifer Connelly
Monica Bellucci
Rosario Dawson
Scarlett Johansson
Eva Green
Jennifer Tilly
Asia Argento
Thandie Newton
Helen Mirren
Jessica Rabbit

Seriously? Jessica fucking Rabbit? Is that the best you could do, Film Threat? Did you think to yourselves, "Man, we've exhausted all the luscious lung pillows in Hollywood. There is not one set of sweater kittens left worth ogling. Guess we better talk about some cartoon casabas"? Did Lindsay Lohan's meaty Mean Girls-era mounds not make the list due to the creepy teenage factor? Did you disregard Elizabeth Hurley because she seems like a bit of a shrew? Did Jessica Simpson get cut because you've never actually been able to watch her on film for longer than three minutes? Was there really not one single set of Hollywood hooters that you found more appealing than Jessica Rabbit's paper-and-ink pom poms?


Not content reading about those famous boobers? You're in luck, because most of these ladies have shown off their spongecakes, and you can see them at MrSkin.com.

Aside from a one-off flirtation with shirtlessness in a 1951 film called Era lui… sÏ! sÏ!, her spaghetti and meatballs have remained under cover. A picture ran in an Italian newspaper that showed Sophia posing in lingerie, but under bedsheets. According to our gossip sherpa, FemaleFirst, she appears in "a see-through dress and diamonds". And yet her publicist, Enrico Lucherini, tells the UK newspaper as saying:

"Sophia is in the Pirelli calendar but she is certainly not nude. In the Sixties she had hundreds of offers to pose nude but she turned them all down. But she still looks fantastic now. She will be 72 next birthday and she still has a figure that would be the envy of women half her age, but she would never pose naked."

We suppose we'll have to wait until the calendar actually comes out to see if the old gal finally ponies up the jugs. Except for the fact that said caldendar is only mailed out to 30,000 rich and glamorous people. Because royalty are the only ones privileged enough to cast their eyes on high-class dames without their trappings. All Loren has to say on the subject is:

"I enjoyed myself while posing. It was as if I was a little girl again."

Oh yes, those heady days of youth. Playing with Barbies, making mud pies, and having a man take pictures of you naked, draped in diamonds, and stroking a tire. Ah, innocence.

'50s titties! Sophia is naked for real at MrSkin.com.