CelebNewsWire» side boob Archives – CelebNewsWire

90210’s Jessica Lowndes Sports Side Boob, Side Ponytail

Agent E. — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:03:05 +0000

We’ve seen a lot of titties in our day. Sure, maybe not in person, but magazines and computer screens count, right? So we know that there are all different shapes and sizes and hangs and dimensions and whatnot. But we also know that plastic surgery can mess up (or fix, whatever) all of these things. Which is exactly what we think happened to the hooters (not) hanging on Blake Lively’s chest. “But,” you say, “she’s young! They’re supposed to be perky!” Well, folks, we present to you exhibit A) 90210 star Jessica Lowndes’s side boob. Jessica is a full year and half younger than Blake. And those floppers are sporting some natural hang. They in no way resemble a halved Nerf football. We’re not saying that one is better than the other, exactly, we just like truth in advertising. Fake boobs that actually look good totally freak us out. Kind of like cats who can use the toilet.

If you know who this chick is, chances are you’re 14. In that case, you’ll love our Twitter page!

Grace Park Is Fraking Hot in Maxim Outtakes

Agent E. — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:51:55 +0000

Hey, are you a geek? Do you own a t-shit that says “Worst. Shirt. Ever.”? Then you’re going to love what we’ve got for you today: outtakes from Battlestar Galactica babe Grace Park’s sexy Maxim spread! Now we’ve got more side boob. And, if you fit the previous description, that’s totally awesome, because it’s more boob than you’ve seen in real life. We’re not saying that you’re inexperienced. No. That one time you got caught at the porno store feeling up the Tera Patrick Real Doll totally counts. Those boobs were based on the real (fake) ones! That’s just like feeling a real boob. You swear.

Lindsay Lohan’s Side Boob Better than Lindsay Lohan’s No Boob

Agent E. — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:33:14 +0000

Usually when actresses get all made up and take off various pieces of clothing to pose all pretty for a magazine, it’s because they’ve got something to sell. A new movie coming out. A new season of their TV show is about to start. They just wrote a book about their harrowing journey out of drug abuse. But Lindsay Lohan has none of that. She just likes showing up in magazines and pretending she’s a model. Unless of course this is a really, really subtle plug. Look in that second pic down there. If you look really closely, you can see a bottle of her can tan, Sevyn Nine. Your eyes don’t immediately notice it, but somehow it registers in your brain. And you think, “That skirt that Lindsay’s wearing is a really nice color. I wish my skin could be that shade. If only there were a product on the market capable of helping me achieve this goal.” And then the next time you’re at CVS or Barney’s or wherever the fuck they sell this shit, you’ll feel compelled to pick up a bottle. Now that’s marketing!

When Lindsay looks especially pretty, we put pictures of her on Facebook. Join us, won’t you?

Lilo’s Beanos Hang Low

Agent E. — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:16:57 +0000

Yesterday we pretty much ignored reports that Lindsay Lohan is considering a $900,000 offer to pose nude in Playboy. C’mon, guys. Lindsay Lohan nude in Playboy? It’s never gonna happen. And at this point, even if it did, would you really want to see it? Well, obviously, yes, you would, but not in the same sort of way you would have wanted to see it a few years ago. Now it would be based on some sort of sick fascination with how drugzzz can fuck up a really, really awesome body in such a short amount of time. And, sure, there still may be traces of Lindsay’s old buxomness present were she to pose, but ultimately it would be a letdown. Even if the awesome jugs had managed to escape the horrors of her lifestyle, she still looks like her mom after a three-day bender. Nobody wants to see that. But these side boob pics show us that even Lindsay’s best parts are suffering. Where once flopped buoyant and supple mammary flesh is now nothing but a sad, deflated sack. It’s only downhill from here.

Doodz, don’t do drugz. Following us on Twitter is way more fun anyway.

Hermione, Her Mammary

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:28:46 +0000

Remember that strange, underwear-flashing contraption of a dress Emma Watson wore to the Harry Potter premiere? Of course you remember it. It was last week. And it's your computer wallpaper. Well, it turns out that frock was even more mindblowingly awesome than we thought it was. Why, you ask? Because, as you can see from these pictures, she got it for 10% off retail price.

Lindsay Lohan Says, "Lookit These Babies!"

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:01:32 +0000

Another day, another rumor about Lindsay Lohan and her well-hatted lap licker, Samantha Ronson. Today, our gossip sperm donor, Female First, reports that the pair are so deliriously happy that they plan on raising a child together. A source said:

"Lindsay is in a very happy place at the moment. She's been having deep discussions about a baby. She wants a natural birth and has spoken to Sam about getting one of her ex-boyfriends to help out. They donít want to adopt."

Well, 22 is actually 41 in Hollywood years, so she'd really better get on that. But we don't understand why Lindsay and Sam just don't draw a face on one of Lohan's gazongas and pretend it's an infant. It's warm and pink and chubby and cute. They can take turns holding it. It doesn't wake you up at 3 A.M., it doesn't cry, and it doesn't crap. And if they want to get really meta, Lindsay can press one against the other to "feed" it.

More Lindsay Lohan side boob from the VMAs (via Hollywood Tuna):

More of Lindsay's glorious cleavage can be found at MrSkin.com.

Lindsay Lohan Minus Ronson Plus Side Boob Equals Fun

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:12:43 +0000

Weeks ago, the Montauk Monster washed ashore, terrifying everyone with its powerful beak and leathery flesh. This week, two random gentlemen came forward with what they said was the corpse of Bigfoot, though it turned out to be nothing more than a flaccid gorilla suit. Today, another sort of beast makes an appearance. Its flesh is blinding white, speckled with small beige dots. It is round, overfed, plump. It confounds yet entices with its jiggling undulation. It remains half hidden in its cottony home, peeking out shyly to survey its surroundings. It is known as Lindsay Lohan's side boob, and it's widely regarded in the scientific community as not being a hoax. "Unlike the Loch Ness monster, Lindsay Lohan's side boob does not invoke terror and should not be looked upon as a threat. We regard it as a natural wonder of the universe," an expert said in an official statement. "However, one question remains unanswered: What does the side boob want with us? Understanding, is our guess. Understanding and the hardening of weenises."

See Lindsay at her hottest at MrSkin.com.

CNW Junk Drawer: A Whole Bundch of Side Boob

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:36:36 +0000

ï Gisele gifts us with the side of her supermodel superbooble. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï All hail the Poshycat Doll. (Daily Stab)

ï Kids, heed the sad tale of Naomi Campbell's hairline: weave abuse leads to baldness. (Yeeeah!)

ï Rihanna has a crotch that emits mystical hot pink beams! (Cityrag)

ï More Mischa Barton titty buttons from Closing the Ring. Now with video! (Egotastic!)

ï Julia Roberts stinks. (FemaleFirst)

ï Julianne Moore shows Moore of herself. Namely, nipples. (Fatback)

ï Billie Piper flashed a peck of freckled poppers. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Amy Winehouse spends a night being dainty and demure. (CelebWarship)

ï Miley Cyrus in a typical MySpace picture pose. I.e., with exposed underwear. (Pop Crunch)

CNW Junk Drawer: Weird and Scary

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:13:02 +0000

ï Ashley Olsen thinks paparazzi are "weird and scary". Also, paparazzi thinks Ashley Olsen is "weird and scary". (Female First)

ï Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)

ï Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)

ï Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)

ï Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)

ï Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)

ï Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)

ï Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)

ï Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)

Rihanna Eschews Toaster, Brings Side Boob as Wedding Present

Agent E. — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:55:43 +0000

God, Rihanna, you are so selfish. It's all you, you, you, isn't it? First you break up with Shia TheBeef, sending him on a downward spiral that ended with drunken Walgreens loitering. There is no lower low. Then you show up to your cousin's wedding all, "Look at my boobs, look at my boobs." Do you ever think of anyone else? They have feelings too, you know. The National Enquirer reports (vai Celebitchy):

The 19-year-old singer went to her cousin Nigel Alstromís wedding in Barbados on Oct. 27. But before the happy couple even cut the cake, she was asked to take her on-display breasts and her diva attitude and get out, say sources.

ìRihanna is known for dressing very sexy – but no one expected her to show up at a wedding dressed like she was on stage,î declared a family insider. ìShe was the center of attention instead of the bride – and the bride and groom got upset!î

The entertainer also put on a show – blowing kisses to fans as she entered the church.

ìShe would have been more low-key, dressed appropriately and not have had such a ístar attitude,íî said the family insider.

ìShe had words with her aunt and mother, and she was asked to leave.î

ìShe asked what was she supposed to do – come dressed in a paper bag? Rihanna agreed to leave.î

That was so rude, Rihanna. Everyone knows you only bring side boob when you're related to the bride. Do yourself a favor and read Emily Post before you go to any more weddings.