It was Motherís Day coming up and I donít have any problems appearing crazy to make my mother smile, but she is the most beautiful woman on this planet and I love her. Sheís fly as hell. I stand by that. My momís awesomeÖ.I think the sickness is also on the other end to be able to twist the words and make it as ridiculous as that. Clearly, Iím not having sex with my mother. Itís ridiculous.

Well, clearly. We knew that Michael Bay was pissed about Paramount's failure to promote Transformers: Revenge of the Whatever (Is that a low-budget indie movie? We've never heard of it), and having Megan Fox blab and blab about about wanting to bone Angelina Jolie is an interesting approach to movie marketing, but this is the oddest angle ever. Bay must have really been thinking ahead, telling the Beef, "Say something really perverse that will disgust the public. Like something about learning about female anatomy from studying naked pictures of your mom or something, then right before the movie comes out, you can say it was taken out of context and tell every9one they're sick and twisted for thinking such things about your mom. That's sure to sell tickets to a robot fight flick."

It became apparent pretty quickly that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Somewhere in her mind she had to know.

I remember laying her on the bed and putting a pillow underneath her because I had seen that in a porn movie… (It) put her at a weird angle, where I couldn't get in correctly. I'm not extremely well-endowed… and clearly this wasn't the move to do.

Luckily the girl overlooked the "not extremely well-endowed" future star's bedroom faults and continued to boink him. The Beef even claims:

We had time to work it out. We had a lot of sex and would read the Kama Sutra together and do the wildest shit.

"Wildest shit"? What does that mean to an 18-year-old? Doing it in the shower? Thinking about your mom while reaching climax? We're just going to have to call bullshit on this whole story. Usually we only do that when a story's source is an anonymous tip sent to a website we've never heard of that has advertisements for free iPods all over it. But what major action movie star would go bragging about his ineptness in the bedroom and his teeny weeny? You don't hear Christian Bale blathering on to GQ about possessing an undersized sperminator. And you don't hear Hugh Jackman walking around making jokes about not knowing which hole he was supposed to stick it in. At least not in public.

Shia LaBeouf’s childhood deserves an NC-17 rating.

In a candid new interview, the star of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ó who severely injured his hand last summer in an early morning car crash ó talks about his, um, revealing upbringing, including how his hippie mother would often walk around their home naked ó even when he had friends over to play.

“The nudity was weird, especially when her friends came over,” he tells Playboy in their June issue ó on sale May 15. “All of them would just be naked around the house. That was strange for me, and it was really bizarre when my friends were there. You’ve got your little buds over, and Mom’s, like, playing naked connect the dots or whatever. She’s in the middle of goddess-group time, where it’s literally a bunch of naked women tracing auras around one another’s bodies with incense and then sitting together and humming for prolonged periods of time.”

“Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother,” he says. “She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

Obviously, with a couple of blockbusters under his belt, it’s time for The Beef to branch out and show us he can act, man, by starring in a weirdo indie movie. Time for a Spanking the Monkey remake! We just hope Mommy The Beef can handle the shower scene.

Shia LeBeouf said: "I bought one of those cool toilet seats with the heater in it. They are amazing. I am dependent on it now."

This is not the first time the 22-year-old star has admitted a penchant for bathroom furniture. Earlier this year, it was reported Shia painted toilet seats in his spare time to help him relax.

It was claimed the star decorates the furnishings with eclectic patterns and sayings, including 'Pooperazzi' and 'High End For Your Rear End'. Shia reportedly sells the seats at flea markets.

Becoming dependent on a hot toilet must make for some uncomfortable situations for the Beef when he finds himself away from home and urgently needs to void his bowels. Carrying around a hose to attach to hand blowers and extend their toasty goodness to the can is a good idea, but definitely will get you a few strange looks from the Chik-Fil-A custodian. Not that we'd know or anything.

ï Mr. Skin asks: who's the hottest dame in a superhero movie? (Mr. Skin)

ï Beauty and the Undereye Bags: Catherine Keener is porking Benicio del Toro. (Hollyscoop)

ï Shia the Beef will not have to have his pinky amputated. So. Uh. Great, we guess. (Celebitchy)

ï 46-21-55. Kim Kardashian in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Kate Moss switched lives with her nanny for a day. Which marks the first time Kate has seen her child since its birth. Awww. (Female First)

ï Jessica Alba humps a chair like her name was Nomi Malone. (Cityrag)

ï Jessica Simpson strips for Tony Romo via webcam. Haw, like we're supposed to believe Jessica Simpson knows how to turn a computer on? (peanut gallery: "Well, she sure know how to turn ME on! Ahahahaha!") (Holy Taco)

ï Sienna Miller's friends maintain that she did not wreck Balthazar Getty's marriage. She just stuck a knife in its already rotting corpse and twisted it around and then cut off its head is all. (CelebWarship)

ï Morgan Freeman and his wife split. We blame Sienna Miller. (Daily Stab)

Shia LaBeouf may have more to worry about than the drunken- driving charge he got after crashing his truck with Australian hottie Isabel Lucas strapped in the passenger seat.

Lucas, one of LaBeouf's comely co-stars in the upcoming "Transformers" sequel, has been dating actor Adrian Grenier for months.

[Grenier] was testy and had no comment Monday when asked how Lucas was feeling after the smashup with her other leading man.

Lucas, 23, was in LaBeoufís car when it collided with another vehicle at a West Hollywood intersection early Sunday morning and rolled. She was treated for minor bumps and bruises at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and released.

ìShe was in the carÖ.Theyíre friends,î a movie source said of the LaBeouf-Lucas connection. The source said the two have been working a lot of late nights on the set and most likely were together to let off some professional steam.

Generally, when a man finds out that his special lady has been stepping out with a drunk dude, he'd issue a hearty beatdown punctuated by a few kicks to the groin, so under normal circumstances, we'd tell Shia to go secret himself away in a bunker or something. But it's Adrian Grenier. What's he gonna do? Break out the pomade and style Shia to death?

"Attorneys for Mr. LaBeouf confirm that an automobile accident involving an additional party occurred early morning in Los Angeles on July 27, 2008. Shia is currently recovering from extensive hand surgery with plans to return to work on the set of 'Transformers 2' within one month. No further comment will be issued at this time."

And then the wrecked truck transformed into a giant robot and he and Shia sparked a doob and hung out at Walgreens. By Michael Bay.

ìAs big as the first movie was, this is 10 times as big, 10 times as many set pieces, explosions, and acrobatic stunts,î she told us about ìTransformers: Revenge of the Fallen. ìShia and I make out a little bit; I donít know if anyone wants to see that.î

ìYou know, weíve been having script meetings, and weíve been reworking the script, because they wrote it fast because of the writerís strike,î she explained. ìAnd, weíve just been going through and trying to do some character stuff for Shia and myself in the middle of this crazy world that theyíre in.î

ìI can tell you that weíre on locations in some really exotic places,î she added. ìItís just going to be a badass movie. Itís just going to be a popcorn-visual-spectacle, summer film.î

As for Michael Bayís main directorial input to his lead actress, Megan had this to say: ìHis main note to me is just to look hot; so I try my best.î

Wonder what Bay's notes to The Beef were. Look tough? Brood? Where did he learn his directorial genius, George Lucas?


Megan Fox performs her job requirement quite well at MrSkin.com, looks hot.

ï Tara Reid works a bikini, haters be damned. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï It's entirely possible that Tony Romo will never fumble with Jessica Simpson's footballs again. (Yeeeah!)

ï Celebrity Muppets. (Cityrag)

ï Kelly Brook is back together with your friend Billy Zane. (F-listed)

ï Lily Allen once sang that she wanted to see you smile. Today, the dream becomes reality as shots of her cliff-diving topless emerge. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Some skintage flesh! Tricia Helfer nip slip circa 2007. Battlestar Galac-tit-ca. (Fatback)

ï The new cast of 90210 revealed! That one was for all of our under 12 and gay readers. (Bitten and Bound)

ï How I Met My Emo Lover, by Flashlee Simpson. (FemaleFirst)

ï Another kind of "bump" for Britney. (Daily Stab)

ï Shia La Beef on La Zit Cream. (Celebitchy)

ï When scabies met impetigo: a tender love story featuring Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Amy Smart has a well-padded poon. (Taxi Driver)

We've learned a warrant has been issued for the arrest of Shia LaBeouf.

LaBeouf received a ticket February 18 in Burbank for unlawful smoking, a misdemeanor. He was supposed to appear in court at 8:30 AM, but neither he nor a lawyer showed — so a $1,000 bench warrant was issued for Shia's arrest.

Shia was allegedly smoking on the sidewalk outside a shop called Skyblupink, a gift shop, when cops cited him.

Oooh, smoking less than fifteen feet from the entrance of a retail store! That is so high up there on the list of societal taboos. TheBeef might as well shoot someone in the head in broad daylight now, cause he's pretty much fucked.