CelebNewsWire» Sharon Osbourne Archives – CelebNewsWire

Reality Showdown

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:28:02 +0000

Certain hazards come with certain jobs. If you are a welder, you may burn yourself. If you are a trucker, you might hit a deer. If you are a fisherman, there's a possibility you might get a hook through the eyeball. And if you're a professional contestant on Vh1 reality shows, you might get your bitch-ass weave ripped out your skull, ho. According to TMZ, Beauty and the Geek/Rock of Love/I Love Money/Charm School contestant Megan Hauserman is filing charges against celebrity wife Sharon Osbourne after Shazza allegedly attacked her during the Charm School reunion show.

The LAPD is investigating an alleged brutal cat fight that went down between Sharon Osbourne and a contestant on the VH1 reality show "Rock of Love: Charm School" who ended up in the hospital.

Megan Hauserman claims Sharon went ballistic during a taping of the show's reunion special Saturday night — accusing Osbourne of running across the stage, grabbing Megan by her hair and refusing to let go.

Hauserman claims Sharon (who is the host of the show) continued to pull and scratch until security eventually separated the two. Megan went to the hospital Sunday afternoon and filed a report with the LAPD on Sunday night.

According to Megan, the whole thing started after Sharon took a verbal shot at her, and the Charmed School" contestant responded by telling Sharon she is only famous for managing a brain dead rock star — and then all hell broke loose.

The LAPD says Sharon is a suspect in a minor battery. No charges have been filed.

Megan should really have some sympathy–she knows what it's like to give full-time care to a drooling, helpless, physically handicapped creature.

The Next Viral Video Hit: Kelly Osbourne's Shit in a Box

Agent E. — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 17:40:30 +0000

So you didn't get that dick in a box you were hoping for this Christmas? There's still time to receive a special gift all tied up with a shiny bow, just do something to really piss off Sharon Osbourne. Daughter Kelly explains:

ìMom used to make me and Jack shit in a box, then sheíd wrap it up and send it to journalists she was angry with. Iíd never do anything like that!î

No, Kelly's more of a used-tampons-in-a-FedEx-envelope kind of girl.

CNW Junk Drawer: Out-Divaing the Divas

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 17:40:10 +0000

ï Jessica Simpson has lost the part of Lucy Ewing in the upcoming Dallas movie because movie bosses are concerned she'd out-diva the biggest diva on the set, John Travolta. Oooops, we meant to say Jennifer Lopez. Did we really say "John Travolta"? How silly of us.

ï So who ended up winning that coveted Lucy Ewing role? Katie Cassidy, daughter of Partridge Family teen dreamboat David. Pictures here. "Rock Heiress". That's funny.

ï Mischa Barton on the beach, in a bikini. New! Improved! Now with 100% less Nicole Richie!

ï Gwyneth Paltrow is "cutting" some "hot tracks" in the studio, possibly for an album. Nothing could ever top the bunny-soft, bun-numbing pap-rock track "Cruisin'" she recorded with Huey Lewis. Why bother?

ï Star Jones: FIRED from The View! Barbara Walters: BETRAYED! Joy Behar: GLEEFUL! Al Reynolds: Gay as a garden party! Us: bored and hungry. You got any Pop Tarts or Li'l Hugs?

ï Jessica Simpson's new video involves Christina Applegate, Christina Milian, Eva Longoria, a terry-cloth romper, and roller skates. Sweet, it's just like the Dire Straits "Skateaway" video, only with famous broads. Yayyyy!

ï Britney: evil purple sea witch? Yes.

ï Well, Kate Beckinsale and her husband certainly look very together, after all.

ï Lindsay says, "I did not have sexual intercourse with . . . that man. Mr. McFly."

ï Someone stop Sharon Stone before she adopts again!

Sharin' Osboobs

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 17:30:18 +0000

Sharon Osbourne (OMG we totally remember her!) is reportedly getting her cans cut back down to C-size after recently getting gigantic breast implants, presumably so Ozzy could be able to locate them with his gnarled, dithering hands.

What a world we live in! What a world! Real live humans are like Baby Chrissy dolls with magically growing/shortening hair–they get adjustments to their person, they don’t like ‘em, they change it back. Sharon, who has admitted to having £300,000 worth of plastic surgery, got her 34C titties pumped up to a whopping 36DD six months ago. However, now that Sharon is suitably juggy, she wants her breasts of yore back again. Imagine that!

“I don’t like them now, they’re too big! I’m having them changed. Ozzy likes them, but they’re too big. Honestly, they weigh a lot.”

At least we think she’s talking about her breasts. Those nutty Brits sure do have a funny way with language:

Of course Sharon Osbourne is not at MrSkin.com. Are you mental? But Monica Bellucci is, and she’s got big ones.

Tell Us How You Really Feel, Sharon

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:15:38 +0000

Sharon Osbourne may not really be relevant or interesting or cute or nice or talented or intelligent or a good dancer or a gourmet chef or a great parent or naturally sweet-smelling or–wait, what were we saying? Oh yeah. Sharon Osbourne may not be relevent, but she sure is high-larious, especially when she's taking the piss out of the insufferable Madonna.

Some quotes need no introduction, so let's just pull the string on her back and let Sharon spew forth her opinion of the Material Girl:

"It's like dressing up with her. One day you're in fucking gun gear, then you're in horsing gear, then you dress like a fucking dyke, then you dress like a hooker, then you're in a flowery dress reading kids' poetry looking like a fucking librarian – then you're back looking like an old hooker again. For fuck's sake, who are you? At that age, you should know who you are, what bloody religion you are and what you represent. You can't be all things to everyone and true to yourself. I don't care who you are . . . You can't one day be in Horse And Hound and the next in Dyke Weekly . . . Oh, [not letting her children watch TV] is fucking ridiculous, crap, fuck off – what a load of bollocks! And writing those painful silly books and reading them to your kids! If my mum came to me with a book like that I'd say, 'Fucking stick it up your arse'. Fucking English Roses – bollocks."

Sharon Osbourne isn't at MrSkin.com, thank God. But Madonna is.

Sharon Osbourne to Bruce Dickinson: "Run to the Hills"

Agent E. — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 17:30:07 +0000

Gear up for 1987, kids, itís metal mania family feud time. Weíve got Bruce Dickinson vs. the Osbournes and Sebastian Bach vs. Vince Neilís entire family. Complete with projectiles and more swear words than an S&M session between Courtney Love and a sailor on leave.

First up, Ozzfest, where Sharon Osbourne allegedly convinced fans and other musicians to shower Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson with eggs, beer, and other miscellany. Osbourne was said to be upset over an interview with Dickinson in Kerrang! in which Dickinson made fun of the Osbourne clanís reality TV show. (Weíre not sure where to go with this next, as weíre in a little bit of shock over the fact that Kerrang! is still in existence. We havenít seen that magazine since 1989 when we clipped out a picture of Trixter and taped it to our pillow.) Along with having foreign objects hurled at the stage, Iron Maidenís set was plagued with ìtechnical difficultiesî and Sharon got on stage when the band finished and called Dickinson a prick. Then the heat from the stage lights started to melt Sharonís face and she had to rush off to find a plastic surgeon. Or at least thatís what our friendís cousin Chainsaw told us. He was there. And he was wearing an authentic Stryper tour T-shirt, so dudeís got cred. (And just in case you wanted some actual news, Iron Maiden will not be finishing up Ozzfest and will be replaced by Velvet Revolver. So we bet metal fans will be thrilled.)

Next up weíve got former Skid Row frontman and current Gilmore Girls cover-band dynamo Sebastian Bach. Bach was invited to a recent Mˆtley Cr¸e show and given a seat next to Vince Neilís family in the VIP section. But Vinceís people arenít the biggest ì18 and Lifeî fans and asked Neilís people to have Bach and his wife moved to another section. A source close to the family said, ìThey canít stand Sebastian. Heís a pompous asshole–and those are his good qualities.î Ho ho. Good once, source. Another source claims that Bach did his best Naomi Campbell impression when he was made to switch seats. ìHe started cursing at the band while they were playing onstage. He started throwing anything around him at Vince Neil–cups, beer cans, soda, and food. He just lost it. Security finally stepped in and carried him out. He just kept screaming, ëMˆtley Cr¸e is over! Mˆtley Cr¸e is over!í Vince was friends with Sebastian, but this is the end.î Sebastian Bach–a man whoís best ìworkî in the past fifteen years has been repeatedly appearing on Metal Mania on VH1 Classic–is proclaiming that Mˆtley Cr¸e is over? The next time Bach plays one of his sold-old concerts in his rec room, we hope one of the stuffed teddy bears throws beer at him and yells, ìSebastian Bach is over!î But we saved the best part for last: The whole tantrum was said to be caught on tape by cameras for Tommy Lee Goes to College. We canít wait for that episode.

Celebs Open Wallets for Tsunami Victims

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 04 Jan 2005 16:09:14 +0000

Sandra Bullock, Sharon Osbourne, and Leonardo DiCaprio are among the celebrities who are wisely donating money to post-tsunami relief effort in Asia. Another big celebrity, Kabbalah, is donating 10,000 liters of its special "holy" water. Uh . . . thanks?

Although DiCaprio is said to have made a "huge" contribution to the relief effort via Unicef, Sandra Bullock wins the biggest, bluest generosity ribbon with her Red Cross donation of 1 million dollars, which is pretty commendable, seeing how she probably earned around twelve dollars in 2004.

Sharon Osbourne, on the other hand, made $13.3 million in last year and has donated $190,000. We can only assume her conservative offering is due to the fact that, in the wake of their December burglary, Jack and Kelly are in dire need of flat screen TVs.

Sharon Osbourne's Vagina . . . Monologues.

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 30 Dec 2004 23:32:38 +0000

Sharon Osbourne is reportedly in talks to join the cast of The Vagina Monologues. We don't know about the rest of you, but when we try to list all the celebrities whose poons we want to know more about, Sharon doesn't even crack the top 50.

The play, which has had its 15 minutes in the U.S. and whose title doesn't merit much more than a few opening monologue jokes on Leno these days, has become a huge hit in London's West End.

Osbourne saw the play and loved it, and is set to join the cast next year. An source told UK's The Sun: "Sharon saw the play and loved it. It's ballsy and fun … It could have been written for her – it's women talking frankly. And – what suits Sharon down to the ground – it's very foul-mouthed." Sharon Osbourne's vagina and cussing: two great tastes that taste great together!

Ozzy Slipping Ever Further into Dementia

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 24 Nov 2004 18:25:53 +0000

Ozzy Osbourne, God love him, gives more details about his recent brush with crime-fighting: "I had [the burglar] in a headlock, the rest of his body was dangling out of the window. He was choking . . . I thought, 'I could snap your neck like a straw, snap it and let you fall and say it was an accident.'" Ozzy went on to say, "Did I say I had ONE in a headlock? I meant six. And they were ninjas. Half-man, half-cobra ninjas."

The doddering Black Sabbath songbird and his wife Sharon were being robbed when Ozzy allegedly whipped on his superhero tights and went in for the attack. He opted not to kill the intruder, saying, "But then I just let him drop, I couldn't kill him, I couldn't live with that on my conscience. There is so much love in these things, and these people have taken our love away as if it is worthless." Whazza?

Osbournes Burgled

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 23 Nov 2004 16:52:03 +0000

Thieves recently stole away with hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of jewelry taken from Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne's Buckinghamshire home while they slept. Word on the street is that Ozzy caught one of the burglars in a headlock before the intruder dived out of a 30 ft. high window, which we find a little hard to believe, seeing how Ozzy can't even put on his pants by himself.

Among the items stolen were Sharon's wedding rings that she received from Ozzy when the couple renewed their vows two years ago. The couple are offering a £100,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of the burglars.

Another source states that it was a vigilant neighbor, not Ozzy, who attempted to attack the robber, but we're still chucking over the idea of a drooling, incontinent Prince of Darkness putting a professional burglar in a half-nelson. "I acted on impulse," Ozzy explains. "In hindsight, it could have been much worse. It could've been really ugly." Yes, the thieves could have been attacking by an army of tiny, crapping dogs.