and since there are 2 little girls with to much time on their hands and no one to love them….id like to share my "hacked" info as well. ive tried to disassociate myself from both these parties for some time now and like a fungus they wont go away.

Paris Hilton: princessph@mycingular.blackberry.net
310-801-0148

djllohan@tmail.com ( cause we like to pretend we are people we will never be talented enough to be)

Lindsey Lohan: labellavita7@tmo.blackberry.net

How many messages do you think Paris received telling her that her Valtrex prescription was ready for pick up at Rite Aid? Or maybe ours was the only one.

And because no D-list celebrity MySpace posting goes unanswered by an even lesser celebrity, former Lindsay Lohan vagina servicer Harry Morton responded thusly. We especially love the earmark of the witless blogger, the coke dribble. Also, we were unaware that a blog could catch AIDS. It really is a devastating disease.

And on a side note, Shanna's Wikipedia entry is surprisingly fascinating. We had no idea she had dated Billy Idol or Dennis Quaid. And anyone who has spent twelve years in the world of competitive roller skating gets our respect. It also helps us envision an ending to Paris and Shanna Showdown: In the fourth round Shanna will grab onto Paris's extensions and begin to pull just as Shanna's left roller-skated foot slips, sending the pair to the mat and causing such a violent hair-pulling action that Paris's neck snaps and she dies instantly.

Why is MrSkin.com better than MySapce? Because Shanna is naked there.

ï YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!

ï Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!

ï Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.

ï Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.

ï Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.

ï Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.

ï We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!

ï The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"

ï Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.

ï Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.

ï The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?

ï The maid also says that ANS tried to commit suicide "at least twice" after giving birth to Dannielynn. Where were you and your vitamins when Anna needed you, Tom Cruise, you lousy prick?

ï Anna Nicole's methadone pusher calls himself an "entertainment doctor". Must . . . refrain . . . from making . . . second Patch Adams joke in a week . . .

ï Anna Nicole's body is set to be released, but to her mother, or to Howard K. Stern (asshole)? At this point, they should just sell her body to Entertainment Tonight.

ï Carrot Top sure has great gams!

ï Keira Knightley will be naked in her next film. We called it a "film" because it sounds classy.

ï Jordan still has tetherball-sized breasts, by the way. (NSFW)

ï Celebrities are so plastic! Knifestyles of the rich and famous! A cut above the breast! And other charming puns!

ï Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are back together. But at what cost? Paris Hilton was brutally battered, for what?

ï Oft-nude model/celebutante/daughter of Patty/granddaughter of Randolph Lydia Hearst refused to let Britney Spears have a bag she designed, because "I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. " Oh yeah? Well YOUR mom robbed a bank, Lydia. BURN!

ï Paula Abdul claims that she's never been drunk or done drugs. Tell that to MC Skat Kat, baby. Tell it to the Skat Kat.

Yep, that's a tit alright. A tit that Stamos Nachos is about to nuzzle and suckle and fondle. And we've just discovered the image that will haunt our nightmares in the coming weeks. (X17 has the full Stamos and Paris photo series.)

But Nachos better be careful of Paris's taco, as it may contain some rancid meat. In this X17 video, Shanna Moakler has a helpful message for Paris: "She should take her Valtrex." Yes, we've heard of Paris's ability to excel in the herperial arts many times before, but maybe this message was meant to warn Paris that Travis Barker brings more to a relationship than wicked rad air drumming moves. Perhaps when Paris and Travis combine their unique herpes strains they will create a super virus capable of infecting passersby at a hundred-foot distance that will eventually destroy the entire planet.

Meanwhile Tina Fey popped up on the Howard Stern show yesterday, and instead of answering questions about whether or not breast feeding gets her hot, she talked about Paris, whom she called "a piece of shit." Cityrag helpfully transcribed the best parts, including:

She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"!

and

[Paris] asked them to write a skit so she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her" "she's fat".

We know you're saying to yourself, "Gawd, what a bitch," but really who among us can claim that we don't hate Jessica Simpson because she's fat? You may think you're so much better than Paris, but you're not. You're just a boob-flashing, Jessica Simpson-hating walking herpes farm, just like Paris.

Start with Paris at MrSkin.com.

Then check out Shanna.

And if you've still got the energy, move on to Tina.

C'mon, ladies, if your night is going to end with multiple police reports, at least let it be over George Clooney. Or how about Adrian Grenier? He's hot. Even Colin Farrell we might understand. But a pop-punk drummer with a fauxhawk and necktoos? Is that really the best you can do?

TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs.
Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.
Mintz and Hilton then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery.
We're told Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs.
We're told police took photos of both women at the station, though it's unclear if either showed visible signs of injury.

Ahhh, it all makes sense now that we know our favorite jolly Greek giant was involved. See, what happened was that Stamos spied Shanna across the Hyde crowd and mistook her for a homeless person. (You know, because her reality-show money came from MTV and not a big network like Fox, like Paris's reality-show money.) And since upturning cups of fluid atop the heads of the homeless is a favorite pastime of Stamos's, there was no other possible outcome for the evening.

Paris is naked at MrSkin.com.

And would you look at that? So's Shanna.

ï Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.

ï Kate Moss might as well face that she's addicted to Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?

ï Another Doherty–Shannen–angrily hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!

ï "Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with "this tiny little thong". Sorta.

ï The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.

ï Keith Urban, pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.

ï Note to Nicole Richie: when size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.

ï One, two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.