CelebNewsWire» Salma Hayek Archives – CelebNewsWire

CNW Junk Drawer: The Fetus Next Door

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:20:09 +0000

Kendra Wilkinson reveals EEEEEE BABY BUMMMMMP BUMP ALLLERERRRT OOOOH SQUEEEEALLLL! (Popeater)
The New York Times is all, “Sorry we said you’re a slut” to Sienna Miller. (Yeeeah!)
Rosie O’Donnell and her wife might be getting same sex divorced. (Amy Grindhouse)
Bobby Brown implies that Whitney likes crack. Not that kind of crack. The kind you find in front of a lady. (Mr. Skin)
Salma Hayek says her body sucks. Yeah. It’s really really ugly, Salma. (CeleBitchy)
Fatal Attraction plus sports equals the Brooke Hundley Steve Phillips sex scandal. (Bitten and Bound)
Dear Renee Zellweger: don’t fuck Alec Baldwin cuz you will die. Love, Celebrity News Wires. (The Blemish)
Ah. We see you’ve stolen Patrick Swayze’s DNA. Very wily, Billy Bob Thornton. (S?O!WTF?)
David Letterman might have a sex tape. Ah. Stupid human tricks. (Anything Hollywood)
Distribution of the Shauna Sand sex tape has been delayed. Shit. Now what are we going to get grandma for Hanukkah? (Nudography)
Come Facebook with us. (Our Facebook is the tits!)

Salma Hayek's Talkin' Titties. Or Fashion. Whatever.

Agent E. — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:14:44 +0000

We always thought that the blame (or thanks, depending how you look at it, and we look at it like a cartoon character with distended eyeballs) for Salma Hayek's cleavage went to the wondrous generosity of nature. But as it turns out, it's all her billionaire husband's doing. People magazine explains why Hayek's hooters were so prominently on display for the Golden Globes:

Newlywed Salma Hayek's husband is the CEO of a multibillion dollar fashion empire ñ but he's not above playing stylist for his wife.

"FranÁois was my stylist," Hayek, 42, tells InStyle for its April issue about the champagne Bottega Veneta gown she wore to the Golden Globes. "It was Christmas and I was just overwhelmed with so many things to do. He said, 'Let me help you. How can I help?'

"And I said, 'Well, I have to pick a dress for the Golden Globes,' " Hayek continues, recounting her conversation with hubby FranÁois Henri-Pinault, whose company PPR oversees Balenciaga, Gucci and YSL. "So Bottega Veneta sent swatches and sketches, and FranÁois worked with the designer Tomas Maier, and he took care of everything."

On one hand, it's understandable that Salma showed up with so much maraca popping out of her dress, but on the other hand, we kind of think FranÁois doesn't know shit about fashion. A real visionary would've handed the designer roughly half a yard of sheer fabric and demanded, "Make a dress out of this."

Salma Hayek's Hooters Are Legally Wed

Agent E. — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:31:58 +0000

Oh, Salma Hayek's natural knockers. How many times you've dreamt of them. Kneading them like two especially heavenly loaves of sourdough. Using them as the world's most perfect pillow on a long flight. Swinging them up and down to see if they have enough bounce to reach her chin. Ah, the things you could do with those beautiful boobies. Except now only one man has access to their lusciousness. Oh, and did we mention he's a billionaire? These is no justice in the world. People reports:

Salma Hayek has married French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, Monday's online edition of the weekly French newsmagazine Le Point reports.

Hayek, 42, and Pinault, 46, were married on Saturday ñ St. Valentine's Day ñ in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, according to the publication, which is owned by the Pinault family.

Sixth Arrondissement Mayor Jean-Pierre Lecoq subsequently confirmed the report to the French news agency Agence France-Presse.

There had been recent reports that the couple ñ whose daughter, Valentina Paloma Pinault, was born in Los Angeles in September 2007 ñ had reunited after they had called off their marital engagement in July 2008.

The two had originally announced their engagement in March 2007.

Friends of the couple tell PEOPLE that a Paris trip in September (when Hayek attended the Balenciaga fashion show) and another in November helped rekindle the pair's relationship. Adds a source, they were "very evidently in love with each other, very affectionate in public" together at the Dubai Film Festival in December.

Only last week, Hayek, who's been appearing on NBC's 30 Rock, told TV host Rachael Ray that when she kisses Alec Baldwin on the show, "I keep telling Francois, 'I imagine I was kissing you.' "

Pinault is CEO of the luxury giant PPR and the son of one of France's richest men, Francois Pinault, whose fortune last year was estimated to be $16.9 billion by Forbes magazine.

Besides his daughter with Hayek, Pinaut also has two children from a previous marriage.

How unfair that such excesses of good fortune should be bestowed upon one man. She wouldn't show Jack Donaghy (or us) the crazy underwears she was wearing, but she'll show that and more to a French billionaire? No fair at all.

Salma Hayek Breastfeeds in Glorious Moving Picture

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:11:11 +0000

Remember last Friday? It was the day you cut out of work at 2 to go see He’s Just Not That Into You? Remember that? And remember when we brought you that funny story about how busty Salma Hayek went to Sierra Leone and pulled out one of her milkalicious tittyballs and used it to feed a starving child? And remember how afterwards, our favorite and most prolific commenter, “meh”, said, “Too bad the story didn’t come with some pictures”? Well, Meh, old pal, this vid’s for you. Skip ahead to around 5:25 and you’ll be treated to a hungry mouth furiously pulling at Salma Hayek’s nipple, while she huskily says, “my baby is one year so she can suck a little harder.” We’re all about making dreams come true.

Salma Hayek Cures World Hunger with Milkalicious Tittyballs

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:17:53 +0000

It takes a village to raise a child. And it takes one woman–one magical, mystical woman–with breasts that generate more nourishment than your average Wisconsin diary farm to feed that village. That woman is Salma "Bouncy Mounds" Hayek, and she apparently whipped out a tit and fed a random baby during a recent trip to Sierra Leone. IMDb dishes the milk:

Appearing on Thursday's Today show in America, Hayek simply nodded as host Kathie Lee Gifford asked, "You found a child that was starving to death, the mother had no milk – and you nursed that baby?" And then said, "It's about women sticking together and we really need to help the children in any way we can."

"The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn't have milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breast-fed the baby. You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment, he immediately stopped crying."

Yes. It was the nourishment that gave him that look in his eyes. The nourishment. Yes. Had Salma looked a little more closely, she probably would have seen that this "baby" was a grown man, starving for nothing more than a sip of the ambrosia flowing from her gilded pitchers. Like Marlon Wayans in Little Man.

New Celebrity Couple: Salami Colon!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:42:47 +0000

What do you get when you cross a sexy Mexican lady with huge breasts with a greasy drunken Irishman? We dunno, a leprechalupa? Shamrock shake? Funbagpipes? No, actually you get Colin Farrell and Salma Hayek, who are reportedly hooking up. Pop on the Pop reports:

Salma Hayek and Colin Farrell were rumored to have had an affair back in 2004 while they were shooting Ask the Dust.

The pair broke it off because Colin was a mess back then, but now things are different with Colin being clean and sober. The pair was spotted backstage at the Golden Globes kissing. A source told Star Magazine: ìWhile they were both backstage, he held her face and kissed her several times. It was very intimate, not like they were pals.î

"Haw, haw, so it was a different 'gently cradling the face and kissing on the lips' than just the friendly, pallin' around kind," we immediately scoffed. Then we remembered that John Travolta greets good buddies by tossing their salad whilst toggling their nuts, so hey. TouchÈ.

CNW Junk Drawer: Merry Xmas Paris, Here's Some Herpes

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:04:47 +0000

ï Paris Hilton parts her luscious lips and dangles her gloss-shellacked chancre at the camera. Cheese! (Yeeeah!)

ï Mariah Carey's smuggling some warm, milky snowballs in that ski jacket of hers. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Salma Hayek pulls a Britney. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï A beautiful and heartwarming collection of the year's most inspiring celebrity plastic surgery. (Cityrag)

ï Bronx Mowgli Wentz revealed. Where's his loincloth and dutch boy bob? (Hollywire)

ï Janine Lindemulder gets six months in the can. We hope she will use the experience for a women in prison porn. (Celebitchy)

Kate Hudson and Angie Harmon's Butts Urge You To Give

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:13:43 +0000

Why is Kate Hudson wearing a Naomi-from-Mama's-Family hat and a fishnet body stocking over her insanely scrumptious rumptious? For charity! In photographer Timothy White's latest endeavor, Hollywood Pinups, a bunch of dames like Kate, an errant Olsen, Tea Leoni, Susan Sarandon, Gina Gershon, Salma Hayek, and more more more wore little more than strategically-placed maribou feathers as they posed pinup style. Gosh, but that'll give a lift to our overseas soldiers. A lift on par with a lime phosphate, even if proceeds benefit world poverty and not war bonds. After the cut, prepare to toot your boogie woogie bugle to Angie Harmon's anus!

It's so weird that if you have a naked lady with classy lighting, a professional hairstylist, and a string of rhinestones up her ass, it's pin-up art. And if you have a naked lady lit by the glow of a Schlitz sign, with a fried spiral perm and a yo-yo up her butt, it's called "filth". At least that's what out grandma called it when we sent her our Christmas card. F U, Grandma.

Angie Harmon, Rebecca De Mornay, Gina Gershon, and Tea Leoni. For even more, head over to Yeeeah!

See more naked Kate Hudson at MrSkin.com.

Salma Hayek Boober Alles

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:42:19 +0000

Salma Hayek recently appeared on a German talk show called Wetten Dass. And what an apropos name, because when you see Salma's hypnotic chest-chalupas stuffed precariously into a dirndl you'll be wettin' dass. And since the slippage doesn't exactly involve nippage, just areola, we're putting it on the front page. Why? Because we're mavericks. Blog outsiders.

The Kaiser approves:

More succulent and naked Salma Hayek for your viewing pleasure at MrSkin.com.

Salma Hayek Half Lesbian? That's Half Awesome

Agent E. — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:05:33 +0000

There are a lot of Hollywood types who seem to be half lesbian. Lindsay Lohan, Megan Fox, Britney Spears. But Salma Hayek? We're guessing she's an all or nothing kind of gal. If she were wrist deep in poon, we don't think any phallus could tear her away. But not everyone agrees. The busty one was on England's This Morning, well, this morning, and had a little tongue twister. Says Dlisted:

On live television, Salma said she was half Lebanese. One of the show's hosts, Eamonn Holmes, had trouble hearing what she said and asked, "You're a lesbian?" Salma laughed it off and slowly said she was LEBANESE. Eamonn ended things by saying, "Oh sorry, I thought you were half lesbian. Forgive me."

So exactly which half of Salma did Eamonn think was lesbian? Because by our estimation, donut diddling would probably make her more like three-quarters lesbo, while a bit of titty rubbing would be closer to maybe fifteen percent Sapphist.

Salma Hayek played a nude half lesbian in Frida. Find the review, pics, and clips at MrSkin.com.