"I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me," Ryan told me. "I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me–Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick."

"That's our relationship in a nutshell," Tatum said when I asked her about it. "You make of it what you will." She sighed. "It had been a few years since we'd seen each other, and he was always a ladies' man, a bon vivant."

So you're at your girlfriend's very public funeral. You see a hot blonde. You say, "Hey baby, wanna help me get over this chick?" Then she calls you Daddy. Yep. We're pretty sure we saw that one, and we're pretty sure it starred Katie Morgan.

ï Nicole Richie allegedly kicks Joel Madden to the curb. Joel responds by kicking it to Mischa Barton. (Yeeeah!)

ï Elle MacPherson named the greatest model of all time. Janice Dickinson is somewhere guzzling Drano right now. (Daily Stab)

ï Hilary Swank was hospitalized to remove a "small benign growth". Her penis, right? (Celebitchy)

ï Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond bond. By getting busted for meth together. This makes Tatum's bust look kind of classy.(Derek Hail)

ï Joe Francis opens his douche-hole to say he thinks Lohan is straight and just going through a phase. Who wouldn't give up men after screwing Joe Francis? (CelebWarship)

ï 15-year-old Miley Cyrus has a boyfriend. He's 20. And an underwear model. This should be good. (Hollywood Grind)

ï Do you have the balls to . . . name that celebrity cameltoe? (Cityrag)

ï Shauna Sand wears a see-through dress to match her see-through shoes. (Drunken Stepfather)

"They found [Griffin's younger brother, son of Ryan and Farrah Fawcett] Redmond — whom they claim had been smoking PCP — unconscious in his bedroom," said an insider. "They thought he was dead and called paramedics. When ambulances and fire department personnel raced to the house, they revived Redmond — but he refused to go to the hospital. Griffin then chained Redmond in the dog run with a rope around his neck so he couldn't get to any more drugs. Griffin thought he was saving Redmond from himself. But Ryan exploded when he came home to find his youngest son chained up like a dog. There was a noose around his neck and his legs were roped."

Yeah, that's some weird shit right there. Almost as weird as naming your daughter "Tatum". And the weirdest part is that according to the timeline presented in the tale above, the paramedics revived Redmond and then just sat back and watched him get chained in a dog run. Nicccce.

. . . Actor Ryan O'Neal . . . was arrested Saturday morning at his Malibu home. He was booked on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and negligent discharge of a firearm after a fight with his son, Griffin. O'Neal was released after posting $50,000 bail.

Police tell TMZ that O'Neal, 65, fired at least one gunshot during the scuffle.

Cops say he was booked at the Lost Hills Sheriff's station without incident. He was released at 5:30 AM.

Sheriff's sources tell TMZ that a 22-year-old female friend of Griffin's was "inadvertently" injured at the scene and transported to a local hospital. Sources wouldn't confirm if the injury was a result of the gunshot.

Hopefully, Ryan is a quick thinker and explained to police that although the O'Neal family has seen their fair share of trouble throughout the years–and God knows them Irish can get punchy with the drink–there was no real dispute, and that Ryan was just firing a few victory rounds into the air to celebrate lady love Farrah Fawcett's silver 60th/triumph over butthole cancer, and Griffin just happened to get in the way.