“I think it would depend on what it is. And I don’t think a lot of people would really want to see that. I think it would ruin the illusion!”

Yeah, we’ve already seen Pattinson nude in Little Ashes, and although we only see dick root, it looks like he could use an illusion. Maybe some trimming at the base. Or a complicated set-up of mirrors and a false-bottom box.

OMFG! IT’S PATSY AND KSTEW AND TAYLOR AND DAKOTA FANNING AND OTHER PEOPLE! NEW MOON RED CARPET PREMIERE! SO GLAMOROUS! SO SEXY! SO TOTES THE SHIZNIT!

“It gets to the point where even I can’t stand the air around me. My personal hygiene – it’s so disgusting! Really, it’s that I have very few clothes that I like and I’m travelling all the time so I can’t really get any more.”

The sharp-jawed demigod then said,

“You over-analyse everything – you analyse how if you say one thing, someone likes you, and if you say another, they don’t. You begin to experiment on people, which isn’t good for real life. I don’t think I’m very romantic any more – just manic depressive.”

It’s a sad state of affairs when a man is so beloved by the underage female population that he is forced to take to the press to brag about his emotional disabilities and sharp, asiago-like odor in order to fend off admirers. The poor kid is going to be forced to take out full-page ads in Teen Vogue trumpeting his toenail fungus and Cisco Adler-like nuts.

DazedDigital previews issue 9 of AnOther Man out on October 1, which features Robert Pattinson on the cover, shot by Hedi Slimane and styled by Nicola Formichetti. Dave Calhoun speak to the 23-year-old Twilight star about the pressures of fame and the craft of acting: “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

“I don’t want to be an actor for the sake of it. I don’t find any particular pleasure in being an attention-seeker.”

We don’t doubt fame is the hardest thing RPattz have ever done. Then again, he’s 23 and has a jaw like a fucking T-square. The hardest thing he’s done prior to this was trying to decide whether to go for the honey or the amber toned highlights.

P.S. New New Moon posters, for all our fans in 3rd grade.

Kristen Stewart

Twilight co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have fuelled rumours they’re dating in secret – after they were snapped kissing at a concert in Canada.

A crafty fan grabbed a snap of the pair smooching in the audience at a Kings of Leon gig in Vancouver on Saturday night.

Call us socially awkward virgins, but we’re pretty sure lips have to actually be touching something for it to be a kiss. Though people are pointing to the last photo as proof that these two totally sucked face, we’re calling foul unless Kristen’s lips are located on her shoulder. Or unless Kristen is reaching over to run her hands through Rpattz’s hair, thus transferring the oily viscosity that allows it to stand up at will onto her hands for moisturization. We hear it’s also good for surfboard wax, denture cream, mucilage, ball joint lube, and soapmaking.

Robert Pattinson is as creepy as his fictional blood-lusting counterpart; sends Kristen Stewart 400 texts a month. (Celebitchy)

• Ashley Olsen in her underwear. Hey, don’t look at us. You were the one with the Olsen Twins Countdown to Legality calendar on your computer for years, nerd. (Cityrag)

• Getting down to the wire here! Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes: numbers 20 through 11. (Mr Skin)

• Cindy Crawford in a bikini. You liked it in 1992, and you’ll like it just as much in 2009. She must be drinking out of Brangelina’s sex grotto. (The Blemish)

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore almost crashed on a plane; live to Twitter again. (Anything Hollywood)

• Tiger Woods cut the cheese!!! (Gone Hollywood)

• Jessica Simpson enjoys a quaff or twelve at her hairdo dude’s birthday party. (Amy Grindhouse)

• 5 Movies John Hughes will be remembered fer. (Jezebel)

• Milla Jovovich collects knives. How Angelina 1998. (Daily Stab)

• Jenna Fischer is engaged. And not to you. Suckerrrrr. (Fatback)
• Rachel Weisz wants a Botox ban for actors. Easy for you to say, Miss Prettyface Pretty of Prettytown. What about the rest of us Buseys? (Amy Grindhouse)
• Large-eared, fame-starved dermatologist Arnold Klein says he didn’t father Michael Jackson’s kids. Maybe. Probably not. Not to the best of his knowledge. Well, he did jizz into a cup once, but where that jizz went is anyone’s guess. (Hollywood Grind)
• Lily Allen topless in i-D mag. Did they airbrush out the triple nipple? (Egotastic!)
• Lady Gaga denies the world her vagina. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
• We may be headed back to the world of the shaved head and latte IV drip. Pull it together, Britney. (Bitten and Bound)
• Kendra Wilkinson will instill the fear of bras into her child. Fear of God, fear of bras. Whatever. (Yeeeah!)
• Kristen Stewart knocked up by Robert Pattinson. Listen, movie execs. If you’re going to start rumors to sell movie tickets, start ones that won’t end with 300 irate 11-year-old girls stabbing K-Stew to death with iCarly scented pens. (Allie Is Wired)
• Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes list . . . almost at the halfway mark! (Mr Skin)
• Prince Harry is “smitten” with Natalie Imbruglia. Is this the next hot dating craze? Royals and ’90s songstresses? Can’t wait until Prince Wills hooks up with Joan Osbourne. (Digital Spy)

• Katy Perry nude with some pizza. Extra cheesy! (ONTD)
• One of the Real Housewives of New Jersey (Danielle Staub) has a sex tape. We’re shocked that “NJ housewife sex tape” is a thrilling story. What a world! What a world we live in. (Yeeeah!)
• If you are a bartender and you do not serve a very drunk Jonathan Rhys Meyers, then he is the manager of the Black Eyed Peas and you are Perez Hilton. Only maybe without the weepy YouTube pleas. (The Blemish)
• Lindsay Lohan tried 2 dance with Justin Timberlake and he was like O HELL NO and then she totally got mad and 2 get back @ him she Tweeted he was cheating on Jessica Biel & then she wuz hacked but she wasn’t OMFG! (CelebWarship)
• Stills from Tim Burton’s upcoming Alice in Wonderland movie. It’s not half as creepy as the ’80s TV version with Carol Channing and Ann Jillian. Still gives me the heebies. (Amy Grindhouse)
• Hilary Duff is kind of useless and probably a total choadball, but whatever, she looks hot in a bikini. (Anything Hollywood)
• Jessica Simpson has a new reality show. To quote Nancy Kerrigan, “WHHHHYYYYYYYY?” (Websters)
• Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson have been made into dolls. Dolls that are much more charismatic than their Twilight counterparts. (Daily Stab)
• Here is Denise Richards in a bikini on the beach with a giant parrot. Um, that’s about it. (Drunken Stepfather)