"Oh jeez . . . It never happened . . . It was an . . . well, it was an annulment soÖ it never happened."

But Pam! It happened! See, here is the story we wrote about your wedding. Here's the one we wrote after you filed for divorce the first time. And here is the one from when your divorce was back on. And look! In the upper left corner! It is a picture of you inspecting your then-husband's penis while a yellow lab craps in the sand next to you. You can't argue with photographic proof. Especially when a literal/metaphorical dog turd is illustrating your union.

Also something that happened? Pam getting naked, at MrSkin.com.

"This is laughable; it didn't happen."

And of the pregnancy/divorce rumors, Pam scoffs:

"I wish him the best. It's a can of worms. Big, fat juicy worms, but worms . . . No more kids. No more kids."

So . . . by that, does she mean that she does not have half a Rick Salomon festering in her babymaker? Or does she mean that any and all future husbands will not engage in such juvenile behaviors as putting a night-vision ding dong into Paris Hilton or rapping onstage with a midget?

TMZ has learned the divorce between Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon is back on and Pam is pregnant!

You'll recall Anderson filed for divorce last month, but called it off just days later. But sources tell TMZ she is now moving forward with the divorce, even though we know she's pregnant with his baby.

Salomon has told friends he believes she is "acting crazy" because of the pregnancy and hopes she will settle back into the marriage. Interestingly, in her divorce petition, Anderson asked for spousal support but not child support.

The couple were married in Las Vegas on October 6.

She should be asking for chest support. Get it? Cuz she has huge fake tits, see.

The oft-divorced Pam is oft-nude at MrSkin.com.

Pamela Anderson has vowed to work through her problems with third husband Rick Salomon – just three days after filing for divorce.

The former 'Baywatch' babe cited "irreconcilable differences" at a court in Los Angeles on Friday (14.12.07) as the reason for the split after just two months of marriage.

However, yesterday (17.12.07) Pammie revealed the couple were trying to patch up their differences. She said: "We're working things out."

Sources claim Pammie and Rick had a huge fight last week, resulting in the actress petitioning the divorce papers. But they soon made up and were seen shopping together at the weekend.

What could these two possibly be fighting about? There are no two people on this earth better suited for one another. Her exes are Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. His exes are Paris Hilton and Shannen Doherty. She's best known for boffing Tommy Lee on video. He's best known for slamming Paris Hilton on video. She has enormous fake boobs. He is a boob with a fake tan. She shills for PETA. In 1 Night in Paris, we saw his PETER. It's a winning match!

ï Hayden Panettiere is gearing up to give a BJ to Richard Gere or something. (HollywoodTuna)

ï Madonna is sporting a nice pair of shiners. (Cityrag)

ï Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)

ï Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)

ï It's hard out here for a pimp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (CelebWarship)

ï Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)

ï Vanessa Hudgens not amused by Zac Efron's oxygen facials and mani-pedi time. (Allie Is Wired)

ï Wow, what's Jordan doing with Jay Manuel? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Pamela Anderson is two months pregnant with new husband Rick Salomon's baby, according to new U.S. reports. Anderson, who wed Paris Hilton's ex in Las Vegas on Saturday, has been keen to keep the news secret after suffering a reported miscarriage last year with ex-husband Kid Rock but friends insist she's with child. A source tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine that Anderson, 40, learned she was pregnant on September 29 – the same day she and Salomon applied for a wedding license. The mom-to-be is reportedly thrilled with the news and thinks she's has found the right guy to enjoy the rest of her life with after two failed marriages. An insider tells the publication, "She's listening to her heart. Rick adores her and will be the best husband she's ever had. Pam says that after all these years of looking, the right one was right there beside her the whole time."

Well, shit. Why did these two have Sade as their wedding music when the obvious choice was Survivor's "The Search Is Over"? Either that or Joe Dolce's "Shaddup Your Face". Nothing says lovin' quite like "Mama used to say don'ta stay out alate/With the badda boys, always shoota pool/Guiseppi goin-ta flunka da school." See, it even says "shoot". Like "shotgun wedding". Yes, we truly did miss our calling as a wedding planner.

Pam's mams! MrSkin.com!

Pam walked down the aisle in the villaís backyard to Sadeís "By Your Side."

Catering from the hotelís Stack restaurant included pigs in a blanket, macaroni and cheese, tuna and lobster tacos, along with about 10 bottles of Cristal champagne. Jelly donut holes were served for dessert.

There was a fake four-tier wedding cakeómade from cardboard because planners werenít able to find a real one in time. They were apparently only given a day to prepare.

Finally, finally we understand what all those senator guys have been jawing about with the "sanctity of marriage" and "sacred vows between a man and a woman" and "holy unity" and such and such. Sade, pigs in a blanket, cardboard cake, white denim. Only "Sweetest Taboo" and Hormel beans and weenies could have made this a more blessed affair.

Pam's mams are available for your perusal at MrSkin.com.

While many have chalked up the news of Pam Anderson and "poker player" Rick Salomon's bizarre almost-wedding in Las Vegas (they filed for a marriage license, but as yet have not walked down the aisle) to her whimsical nature, OK! is hearing that there may be a bigger reason for the pair to get hitched ó a baby!

"She definitely looks like she's got a bit of a bump," one source tells OK!. "And this wouldn't be the first time Pam has rushed off to get married because there's a baby coming." The source is, of course, referring to the rumors that the Baywatch babe's surprise 2006 marriage to Kid Rock happened after she'd been impregnated. While these claims have been denied by the actress, they were bolstered by the fact that she filed for divorce from Kid only 11 days after miscarrying their unborn child.

It's bad enough that Pam has to explain her own sex tape to her kids with Tommy Lee, but that probably involves a lot of "Mommy and Daddy loved each other very much" and whatever bullshit. But is the Anderson/Salomon progeny going to reach a certain age and be sat down in front of the TV for a private screening? "Now, this is Mommy with the lead singer of Poison. And this is Mommy with Dylan and Brandon's daddy. And this is Daddy with some blonde hobag. All of these are available on the internet for $29.95 if you want to tell your friends." Also, we've been waiting for a third Pam spawn for a long time now. And we have some name suggestions for her: for a boy, Steve or David; for a girl, Brenda or Kelly. But not Donna. That would just be mean.


See Pammy naked at MrSkin.com. You don't even have to buy her a ring.

Onetime Baywatch star Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, a former boyfriend of Paris Hilton, applied for and were granted a marriage licence in Las Vegas on Saturday, the syndicated TV show Access Hollywood has reported.

Representatives for Anderson and Salomon were not immediately available for comment.

A few weeks ago, Pam had dropped a few hints of the impending horror to Ellen Degeneres, saying

ìI paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. Itís so romantic. Itís romance. Iím not really engaged. I donít know what I am. We may never get that far. Weíre in love. This is nice.î

Who says romance is dead? These two will probably get married in a Denny's and show clips from each of their sex tapes at the reception. Percy Bysshe Shelley and Robert Browning could have learned a lot about romance from Pam and Rick. "Grow old along with me/the best is yet to be"? Nay, nay, friends. "There once was a trollop named Pam/who had super gigantic mams/First she wed Tommy Lee/Then Kid Rock married she/And now Salomon's jamming her clam". It's almost as beautiful as the love shared between Amy Winehouse and that dude with the hats.

Pam is naked. Really, really naked. At MrSkin.com.