For all his successes, John Travolta has some career regrets.

Among them, turning down lead roles in "Chicago" ("I wasn't all that in to the stage show," he says) and he also says, "ëGreen Mileí I probably should have said yes to, and 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. But I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks a career! What you turn down can be a gift to someone else. There is enough to go around."

Travolta might have an argument with Gere, whose only really big film prior to "An Officer and a Gentleman" was "American Gigolo."

But Hanks? The "Green Mile" hit theaters in 1999. Pretty sure Hanks' career was awfully solid at that point.

No, no, no, you misunderstood him, lady. He didn't say "I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks a career." He said "I gave Richard Gere and Tom Hanks my rear." That makes so much more sense.

ï Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to ejaculate into her vaginal canal during ovulation again. (FemaleFirst)

ï Angelina got more ass between juice breaks in kindergarten than you're getting now. (Bricks and Stones)

ï Victoria Beckham is aging like a fine wine–kinda sourly. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï The Lohan says that she is the protector of the family. She protects them by horfing rails. (A Socialite's Life)

ï The people of India are angry at Richard Gere after he kissed Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty in public. Hey, they were lucky he didn't greet her by pantsing her and cramming a shaved hamster up her can. (IMDb)

ï Jessica Alba, caught making out with a real dog. (MollyGood)

ï Sabrina the Teenage Ass Crack. (Taxi Driver)

ï Heather Mills fall down go boom! (Yeeeah!)

ï John Travolta equates his level of fame to that of Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. Um, try Marilu Henner or John Ratzenberger. (The Blemish)

ï Paris is scared that jail time will ruin her career. Her career consists of showing up to parties thrown by beverage companies, so we're pretty sure she'll be fine. (IDontLikeYouInThatWay)

ï Larry Birkhead cuddles his $weet little $ugarpie. (TMZ)

ï In the biggest horseshit story of the day, Jen Aniston supposedly partied with the K-Fed. We're trying to picture Jennifer in cornrows and man-shants. Not bad.

ï Perhaps the reason Jen is slumming is because she caught wind of Angelina insinuating that she and Brad had boners for each other while the Pittistons were still involved?

ï Eternal Sunshine of the Thetanless Alpha Clear? Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm just I'm just Jenny from Teegeeack of the Intergalactic Federation?

ï Evel Knievel vs. Kanye West. Sadly, not a sneak peek of a new episode of Celebrity Boxing.

ï Paris is defending Britney's questionable parenting skills, saying, "She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting." Seriously, duh! She goes out and shows her slopbox and does body shots and THEN she goes home at 4 A.M. to play with the babies. No biggie!

ï Adriana Lima and the Case of the Bikinified Virgin.

ï Take your key and unlock Jordan's heart, and her vagina, conveniently located next door to one another.

ï Sylvester Stallotox takes the blame for starting that whole Richard Gere-assgerbil rumor. Guess we know who to point the finger at for that whole "Danny Wood semen stomach pump" thing.