ï Samantha Ronson blows a load all over Lindsay Lohan. Load, kiss, same thing. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï If Tom Cruise had a comic book. (Holy Taco)

ï Model Miranda Kerr dumps Orlando Bloom for Brandon "Firecrotch!" Davis. Trading a eunuch elf for Fat Elvis? That's kind of a lateral move. (Yeeeah!)

ï Sarah Jessica Parker gets her chin goober removed; now will only be mistaken for Lemmy Kilmeister 50% of the time. (Cityrag)

ï Don't tase me, (Josh) bro(lin)! (The Blemish)

ï Katy Perry wants to kiss a girl. A girl named Miley Cyrus. And we liked it. (Hollywire)

ï Kristin Chenoweth is charming, funny, and has colossal gazongas. (Fatback)

ï Vanessa Hudgens straddles Zac Efron on the beach. She's thinking sex, he's thinking "stop smudging my bronzer." (F-listed)

ï Reggie Bush desires less tush from girlfriend Kim Kardashian. He also hates America, freedom, petting puppies, and ice cream. (Celebitchy)

ï Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake have ended their "relationship". Now Bret can spend more time with his hair and the finest European extensions money can buy. (Celeb Warship)

ï Emmy nominations released; Katherine Heigl's wish comes true when she gets zilch. (Bitten and Bound)