ï David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some pretty gay big shoes to fill. Only one man can replace The Hoff, and that's The Fonz. Ayyyyy.

ï Paparazzi, please stop taking photographs of Natalie Portman. Or she will make her hair look like Annette Bening's circa 1989 and then waggle a hand at you in a vaguely threatening manner.

ï Britney's little sister, Sean P Federline, and a turd on a stick. You heard us.

ï I've had it with these motherfucking Mo'Niques on this motherfucking plane!

ï Seacrest out? No. Lance Bass out? HELL YES! You go, girlfriend!

ï Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.

ï Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.

ï Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.

The girl's stepdad is a local cop in Southampton (New York) and he initially went to Cook and told him to end the romance.
But nothing happened and then the stepfather found out where Christie and Peter were going to be at an event.
He went up to both of them and said right in front of Christie, "If I were not worried about getting my pension, you'd be a dead man. Stop dating my daughter."

But where is Christie's reaction? Where is the filthy liar saying, "Please, baby, ya gotta believe me. I never touched the girl. She tried to come on to me, I swear"? Where are the eyewitnesses? C'mon, Enquirer, give us something. It's not like you're People and worried about facts and the truth. Can't you at least make something up? We're sure it wouldn't be the first time.
Today we got to hear from the assistant herself, aspiring pop star Diana Bianchi, who is now thinking about suing Cook for sexual harassment. In Bianchi's interview with The New York Post, she basically said, He touched me inappropriately, he bought me gifts and gave me money and paid for my Nissan, and, sure, I had sex with him, but he was totally wrong and inappropriate and shouldn't have done those things. Now the poor innocent fawn just hopes that her youthful indiscretion won't ruin her formative years, and, as The New York Daily News put it, she also has one other hope: "That the celebrity scandal doesn't ruin her chances at pop stardom." We don't think Diana has too much to worry about. At the very least sleeping with her notable married boss could land her in a Sam Kinison video. You know, if he weren't dead.

Remember when Christie was a model married to Billy Joel? MrSkin.com does. She was hot.