Ellen is a bright and sunshiney person and often very entertaining and funny, but how legitimate an American Idol judge can she be? She has no background in the music world. She’s no musician. She can’t sing. She doesn’t have perfect pitch or a good ear. Then again, neither does Paula Abdul, and Ellen won’t ever cause a scandal by banging all the male contestants. Diabolical, American Idol producers.

Facebook is awesome! We’re on it! Let’s be buddies!

With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to IDOL . . . I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all

TMZ has a little more of a scoop:

We’re told Paula was pulling in somewhere between $2 and $3 million a year and she wanted more. Our sources say “A.I.” made her an offer that she didn’t like at all. Paula countered but producers didn’t want to pay that much, so they countered with another offer.

Rather than responding to the second offer, Paula shocked everyone by tweeting her goodbye. The weirdest thing … “A.I.” took the tweet seriously and responded with an official sayonara.

Chin up, little crackpot. Not being on American Idol does have its perks. For example, now you don’t have to hide your beverage of choice, SoCo mixed with Oxycontin, in an AI-sanctioned Coke cup–now you can drink it as it was meant to be drunk–in a jug marked “XXX”. No more hiding! No more lies!

Paula uses Twitter. So do we. Follow us and maybe we’ll tweet something amazing too. Probably not, though.

ï Paula Abdul Admits She Was Addicted to Pills
According to US Weekly:

In a shocking new interview, Paula Abdul reveals that her reliance on painkillers got so bad she could have died.

Abdul, 46, was diagnosed with ìreflex sympathetic dystrophy syndromeî in [2005], a chronic neurological disorder that causes severe pain. Abdul wore a patch that delivered a pain medication about 80 times more potent than morphine and took a nerve medication to relieve her symptoms. Sometimes, she adds, she also took a muscle relaxer.

But the pain got so bad it that it often left her sleepless and caused her to ìget weird.î A combination of these factors prompted many fans to believe that the American Idol judge was high on the air.

Determined to overcome her habit, she checked into the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif., last Thanksgiving. ìI could have killed myself,î Abdul tells the magazine.

Oh, word? No shit?

ï M*A*S*H Star Is Gay
Says IMDb:

M*A*S*H star David Ogden Stiers has come out as gay – after years of fearing he would be denied roles because of his sexuality.

He tells the Gossip Boy blog,"I could claim noble reasons as coming out in order to move gay rights forward, but I must admit it is for far more selfish reasons. Now is the time I wish to find someone and I do not desire to force any potential partner to live a life of extreme discretion for me."

You're kidding. Seriously. Charles Emerson Winchester III? Shut the hell up. Honest Injun?

ï Lindsay Lohan Does Adderall
Finally, another gem from US Weekly:

Lindsay Lohan takes Adderall a prescription drug usually given to people for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, to lose weight.

ìShe takes Adderall all the time,î one source told Us. ìShe gets jittery because of the way the pills affect her. Itís a major reason why sheís losing weight.î

Get the fuck out of town.

ï Kendra Wilkinson says she sneaked some contraband penis into the Playboy mansion. (Yeeeah!)

ï Victoria Beckham models for Armani skivvies; miraculously does not look like a praying mantis while doing so. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Did Paula Abdul get her schnozz whacked?
(Cityrag)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey spice up their sex life with provocative dancing. Unfortunately, it's Jim who's sporting the unitard. (Evil Beet)

ï You should probably watch the premiere of The Beast tonight. If you don't, Patrick Swayze will get sad and die. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Hey, it's Nicollette Sheridan in her underdrawers. Wouldja lookit that. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were trapped under the same roof and it didn't even end up in a bloody dance-off. Mature! (Holy Moly)

A woman was found dead on Tuesday evening, near a home believed to be owned by Paula Abdul, Access Hollywood has learned.

A 30-year-old woman was found dead in a parked car in the Sherman Oaks, Calif. community the ìAmerican Idolî judge reportedly resides in. The woman was found sometime after 6PM on Tuesday after the Los Angeles Police Department received a tip from a neighboring agency, according to LAPD spokesperson Officer Karen Smith.

ìOur Van Nuys division did receive a call from the Ventura Countyís Sheriff. A womanís parents reported her missing and they thought that she may be at Paula Abdulís house,î Smith told Access. The parents of the woman reportedly believed their daughter was nearby Abdulís home as she was reportedly ìa big fanî of the ìIdolî judge, Officer Smith told Access.

When authorities arrived, the unidentified woman was pronounced dead at the scene. Authorities are awaiting a coronerís report to verify the cause of death.

Footage of a car parked on the street where the incident occurred, and shown on Fox News 11 in Los Angeles, who first reported the story, showed Paula Abdul stickers dangling from the rear view mirror.
The station reported Abdul was reportedly taping an episode of ìIdolî when the incident occurred.

Man, even Paula Abdul has a suicidal stalker, while we can't even get more than two people to comment on our blog.

Most celebrities expect the occasional overzealous fan to snap an unflattering candid, but Paula Abdulís eager star-stalker took it a step too far.

ìA fan leaned over (a public bathroom stall) and took a picture, and I was mortified, and she didn't think there was anything wrong with it,î the ìAmerican Idolî judge told the L.A. Times. ìI honestly was weirded out by that and she was so nervous that she thought I wouldn't even notice. I was like no, no, that's not cool. I said to her, ëA real good tip: Don't do that to anyone else.íî

Once Paula ensured the potty pic was history, she proved her patience by posing for some more appropriate shots with the same fan.

This particular story created an absolute furor in the CelebNewsWire offices, with many Paula songs being reappropriated to include references to bodily functions. The standouts? "I pee standing up," "I pee sitting down," "We pee together cuz opposites attract." And "Gush, gush, hurry, hurry Paula, pee for me."

ï "I'm Fat Shady, yes I'm the Fat Shady, all you other Fat Shadys are just imatatin'." (Cityrag)

ï We can't improve on this original headline: 1 Hayden, 2 Cups. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Penelope Cruz and very attractive sister wear clothes, look pretty, have picture taken. (Daily Stab)

ï Due to the writers' strike, the Golden Globes will be much less golden; globular. (Yeeeah!)

ï Blake Lively's schnozz: from Sevigny to sliced. (Radar Online)

ï Mariah Carey actually would rather be onstage with J. Lo than a pig after all. Good to know. (Celebitchy)

ï Britney's car was impounded. There was no way for her to avoid bein' grounded. Her parents had to come up from vacation and get me, I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me. So tell you all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue, parents just don't understand. Dee doo doo doo. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Bono completes the final phase of his slow transformation into Robin Williams. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Not even MC Skat Kat can save Paula Abdul from crazy's grasp now. (The Blemish)

ï Britney dresses her offspring as golf caddies. Or, possibly, Andre 3000. (Allie Is Wired)

PAULA Abdul is always running late, as seen on her Bravo show, "Hey Paula" – but woe to her assistants if they don't get their jobs done on time. A spy says, "There's a salon chair in her house where she gets her hair and makeup done every day. She'll sit in it, set an alarm, and then, because she's on so many painkillers, pass out while her hair and makeup guy gets her ready for the day. When the alarm goes off she'll wake up, and God forbid the poor guy isn't done yet. All hell breaks loose." Abdul's rep said, "There's no alarm that I've ever seen."

We bet some days, when she's feeling a little feisty, Paula sets the alarm for ten minutes less than usual just to fuck with the guy. And as Mr. Makeup Man is moving along, using a mixture of heavy-duty Scotch tape and toothpicks to prop up Paula's eyes, she unexpectedly awakens and begins beating him about the head with a hot curling iron.

ï Larry Birkhead thinks Dannielynn has her mom's pouty lips, long legs and chubby toes. Jury's out on who she takes after in the implant and veneer department, though. (I'm Not Obsessed)

ï Britney stormed out of a photo shoot in a huff, never to return. Turns out they only had honey BBQ pretzel bites, not the buffalo ranch. (Daily Stab)

ï German magician attempts to make Pam Anderson's breast ooze its way out of her bathing suit. (Hollywood Tuna)

ï You know David Hasselhoff's ex-wife must be insanely f'ed up, because he got sole custody of the kids. Yaaaay, it's cheeseburger night! (Star Herpes)

ï An odd fashion choice, even for Ashley Olsen. Perhaps she has joined a harem and is planning on seducing the sheik with her mysterious, semi-sheer, snakelike undulations. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï How Jessica Simpson lost the baby Mayer weight. (IMDb.com)

ï Here are some surprisingly hot pictures of Lindsay Lohan taken by Bryan Adams. Because when you want to sex up your image, where else to turn than a pockmarked Canadian adult contemporary artist? It makes perfect sense. (Egotastic!)