CelebNewsWire» Paul McCartney Archives – CelebNewsWire

Madonna Is Wicked Crazy Bummed

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:22:35 +0000

As the news of Michael Jackson's death reaches around the globe, we're seeing an outpouring of emotion. From celebrities. Via Twitter and stuff. Tila Tequila tweeted:

"Been layin in bed all night blasting MJ music and watching videos. This is truly an epic and historical moment"

Sir Paul McCartney said:

"He was a massively talented boy man with a gentle soul."

And Madonna? She released this statement:

"I can't stop crying over the sad news. I have always admired Michael Jackson."

Well, Michael Jackson's death did come as a bit of a shock. Almost as much of a shock as the fact that Madonna has working human tear ducts that are able to spew something besides dust, or flesh-dissolving acid. We find it hard to believe Madonna would cry for anyone. Especially not Argentina.

Ebony and Ivory, Again

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:15:44 +0000

What's the best way to inject some zazz into a musical career that's faltering before it's even taken off? Add some T Pain vocoder! Or mix in a Beatle, that works too. Just not Ringo. And that's exactly what Paris Hilton is trying to do. Stars are blind! According to our own personal gossip Linda Perry, Female First:

Paris Hilton wants to duet with Sir Paul McCartney.The hotel heiress- whose debut album 'Paris' failed to set the charts alight when it was released in 2006- cornered the Beatles legend at the Grammy Awards after-show party (08.02.09) and proposed a musical collaboration.

According to Britain's The Sun newspaper, Paris was reportedly overheard saying: "I'd love to do a duet with you. I'm a singer too and have had an album out."

An onlooker said: "Sir Paul was minding his own business when Paris traipsed right up to him and introduced herself. He looked bemused, smiled and nodded- then stumbled out that he'd have to check his schedule. I don't think we'll be hearing the duet any time soon."

We have visions of the "Say Say Say" video dancing in our heads. Only instead of Paul and Michael Jackson in period costumes selling snake oil out of the back of a truck, we have Paul and Paris in porkpie hats selling home-brewed Valtrex.

Heather Mills Gets a Smaller Shit Load of Money Than She Hoped; Still a Shit Load

Agent E. — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:40:21 +0000

We're pretty sure that if we were lucky enough to make the leap from "educational sex manual" model to the wife of one of the richest musicians alive, our divorce proceedings would end when said musician offered us 83 bucks and a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni. We're cheap. But Heather Mills has let her divorce proceedings from Paul McCartney drag on for the better part of two years in the hopes of landing $250 mil. The AP gives the full scoop on how the Mucca muckety-muck went down:

Paul McCartney was ordered Monday to pay Heather Mills $48.6 million to settle their divorce.

A document released by the Family Court said the judge awarded Mills a lump sum of $33 million plus the assets she currently holds worth $15.6 million.

"I'm so, so happy with this," Mills told reporters following the closed hearing.

The court also ruled that the couple's 4-year-old daughter Beatrice should receive a "periodical payments order" of $70,000 per annum. On top of that, McCartney will pay for the child's nanny and school fees.

"I'm so glad it's over," Mills said at her impromptu news conference.

"It was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter's future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with ó because you know it has been my life for 20 years," she said.

McCartney left the court without making any statement.

While pleased with the financial settlement, Mills intends to appeal to prevent publication of the details of the settlement for the couple's daughter.

Some might say that she got screwed with the less than $50 million settlement, but we're of the camp that thinks that any number above, say, $5 million is pretty much the same. Heather's probably a little upset that she won't have enough scratch to cover every surface in her home in precious metals, but we're sure that Heather's friends won't even notice that the guest bathroom commode is only 14 karat gold plated instead of pure platinum, but those are the just the little sacrifices she's going to have to make.

Mills and McCartney Move On

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:40:10 +0000

Heather Mills is all, "Whoooo hooo! Look at meeee! I'm dating again! Look at my boyfriend! He's a sculptor and haberdasher of sorts and is well-known amongst certain classes in one section of London, perhaps! La di da! I'm so fannnncy!"

And then Paul McCartney's like, "I still have ten trillion dollars and I'm seeing Rosanna Arquette, who has really big boobs." And then Heather really can't say anything because you can't argue with that, plus the song "Rosanna" was written about her and, like, come on. It's Toto.

No Halftime Boob from McCartney

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 23 Nov 2004 17:01:02 +0000

The NFL, desperate to avoid a repeat of last year's Superbowl halftime titty, go with the safest, dullest entertainment option they can think of: Sir Paul McCartney.

National Football League spokesman Brian McCarthy insists there won't be any objectionable "wardrobe malfunctions" during the 12-minute Superbowl halftime show, to air on Fox on February 6. He says, "We're very cognizant we'll be under spotlight with this year's halftime show and we've looked at all facets of the show including talent selection, song selection and costume selection, to ensure we wouldn't have a repeat of what happened last year. We're very comfortable that this year's show will be acceptable to a mass audience and won't have any issues." Apparently, the powers that be racked their brains to come up with the artist whose rack America wanted to see the least. Congratulations, Sir Paul!