ï Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)

ï Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)

ï Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)

ï Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)

ï Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)

ï Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)

ï Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)

ï Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)

ï Scratch your head in wonder as you ponder the bizarre flap of flesh that resides between Janet Jackson's ubiquitous implants.

ï Anna Nicole's former assistant, the beloved Kimmie, will be opening up tonight–for real this time–on The Insider. Pat O'Brien is gonna go fuckin' crazy with her.

ï Anna Nicole will be buried next her her son in the Bahamas, it's been decided. Finally.

ï Are Angelina and Brad presently purchasing the next member of their Benetton brood?

ï Harry Potter proudly waves his trouser wand; doesn't make foreskin disappear. Make your own hung/horse joke here. NSFW.

ï We had pretty much decided against posting any shots of the paparazzi bothering Britney Spears during her breakdown. But then we saw these shots/video of buzz-shorn B attacking a pap's SUV with an umbrella and had to share because 1. she looks, awesomely and deliciously, like her lesbian soccer team just lost a match and she felt compelled to deface her opponent's vehicle, and 2. we think she needs to call us immediately because we want to start an oi band with her.