Tag Archives: Paris Hilton
Shove It!
It’s been kind of nice having Paris Hilton out of the gossip papers lately. Quiet. Calm. Less itchy and weepy around the gentials. But we’ve sort of missed her and her particular brand of dipshittiness, so we’re opening up our arms and thighs and happily accepting her back into our lives. TMZ reports:
Paris Hilton and [...]
That About Sums It Up
We’ve never tried to sum up Paris Hilton in just one word. It seemed too impossible to find one small set of letters that could bring together everything we would want to include, from sex tape to herpes to ass goiter. It was just too big of a task. But some advertisers in New Zealand [...]
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Paris Hilton Demands Lobsters
Apparently CelebNewsWire has the power to summon celebrities out of publicity hybernation. If we ask “Where has Scarlett Johansson been lately?” on Tuesday, by Friday she’ll be on the cover of eight magazines and slated for a guest spot on 30 Rock. We’re like a human Ouija board. Recently we summoned the beast that is [...]
No Parties for Paris
Just the other day we were wondering where Paris Hilton had gone. It’s been lo, so many months since we’ve seen her cock her wonk eye to the side and blow a kiss at the camera. We can’t even remember who her current boyfriend might be. CelebNewsWire was built on a solid foundation of jokes [...]
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Paris Plasters Pics in a Deranged Act of Love
Sometimes cutesy couples will leave a little reminder of their love when a significant other goes away. A sweet little note tucked inside a lunch bag. A whiff of perfume on a shirt collar. A pair of soiled undies in a briefcase. Whatever. But Paris Hilton has never been one to do things the traditional [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Hayden Panettiless, But Not For You
Hayden Panettiere nude!!!! In her home. Privately. Wow, what a story! (Female First)
Jon Gosselin is an elegant gentleman who is charming with the ladies. (Yeeeah!)
Kanye West’s fierce-ass girlfriend Amber Rose naked. The Louvre is probably negotiating to buy her butt. (Drunken Stepfather)
Kristen Stewart and Megan Fox are fighting over Robert Pattinson. Who will will the [...]
CNW Junk Drawer: Tumbleweaves
That’s Britney’s weave, not the back of Dog the Bounty Hunter’s head, FYI.
John Edwards, you are the father. (Celebitchy)
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhart are back together. Their hearts are held together by love. And their groins are forever linked by the human papilloma virus. (Fatback)
Channing Tatum was a stripper. A stripper who grinded (ground?) to [...]
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Also tagged Britney Spears, celebrity hookups, celebrity pregnancies, Channing Tatum, Doug Reinhart, John Edwards, Kat Von D, Kendra Wilkinson, Pink, politicians
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CNW Junk Drawer: 67 Hours of Labor
Rihanna’s bringing back the Gumby. You go, girl. (Yeeeah!)
Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes of All Time! Shut the door, turn off your phone, and dig into #40-31. (Mr Skin)
Lake Bell in a see-through bra for GQ. Who’s Lake Bell? Who cares! (The Blemish)
Michael Jackson’s doctor will most likely be charged with manslaughter. (TMZ)
Paris Hilton claims [...]
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Also tagged Amy Winehouse, booze, celebrity deaths, celebrity hookups, celebrity nudity, celebrity offspring, Dominic Monaghan, Evangeline Lilly, Kelis, Lake Bell, magazines, Michael Jackson, Rihanna
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Class Attracts Class
We know Paris Hilton loves paparazzi and lets them do about anything as long as she has at least three pics in every issue of Us Weekly. But she understands that dude with a camera ≠ guy who sells pictures to major magazines. This dude right here, he's just a douchebag with a hundred dollar [...]
Paris Hilton Doesn't Care About Your Social Conventions
When we think of Paris Hilton, we think: rebel! She's so unconventional. She doesn't pony to anybody's rules. You can't tell her what to . . . oh, wait. Did we say Paris Hilton? We meant someone else. Probably Bijou Phillips. We're always getting them confused. No,†we're pretty sure Paris will do just about anything [...]
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