In his blockbuster sex-and-drug tell-all The Wizard of O: My Life With Oprah, her ex-lover, Chicago businessman Randolph Cook, makes the stunning disclosure that the talk queen resumed her cocaine habit during their secret affair which began in 1984. Cook, 51, also claims the media mogul taught him how to smoke crack cocaine, and the two "freebased" the drug regularly during their passionate six-month romance and the talk show titan "was still under the influence while doing her show."

So the next time Oprah does a "My Favorite Things" show, the audience can expect to get a couple of rocks under their seat. Yay! Oh, also Boy George is going to jail. PopEater says:

Singer Boy George was sentenced to 15 months in jail on Friday after being convicted of falsely imprisoning a male escort by handcuffing him to a wall in a London apartment.

British Judge David Radford said the 47-year-old former Culture Club frontman, whose real name is George O'Dowd, was guilty of "gratuitous violence."

O'Dowd's lawyer said his client and the escort had both behaved like "drug-crazed idiots" and that O'Dowd's substance abuse problems were a contributing factor.

It's kind of funny that to punish the guy who likes guys and pretended to put another guy in prison, they're sending said guy to a prison full of guys. That'll learn him!

I just cannot diet. I think maybe it's the idea that you can't have something … I just can't do it. It's worth it to me to do that extra exercise so I can eat what I want and not think about it.

Because cramming about twenty carrot sticks (plain carrot sticks, mind you, not dipped in fatty, delicious hummus) into your mouth and calling it lunch before hopping on the treadmill for three hours isn't a diet; that's just Gwyneth's normal state of being. Girl likes carrot sticks.


Do not deprive yourself of Gwyneth Paltrow nude. Find it at MrSkin.com.

ï Janice Dickinson's high contrast upskirt gristle mitt. Believe it. (Taxi Driver)

ï Scary Spice spent several hundred dollars on rags to belch upon. Stars, just like us, etc. (MSNBC)

ï Pam Anderson in a bikini, careening willy-nilly towards Mamie Van Doren territory. (Derek Hail)

ï Britney wears bikini, old man fedora. Your penis won't know whether to pop a boner or do the Lindy Hop while sucking down a Tom Collins. We suggest both! (Hollywood Tuna)

ï Play volleyball with Eva Longoria's butt! No, wait, we mean Eva Longoria's butt plays volleyball. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Oprah's dad is writing a tell-all about her, and she sadly states, ìThe last person in the world to be doing a book about me is Vernon Winfrey. The last person.î That's weird. The last person we'd expect to be doing a book about Oprah Winfrey is Jesse Camp. Or maybe Bruce Boxleitner. Or Lionel Bart. Because not only was he a composer, not a writer, he is dead. (Yeeeah!)

ï Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree: Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.

ï Madonna wants to buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.

ï Sure, Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has boobs, too?

ï Nicole Richie has responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.

ï Is Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth into rodentlike eunuch Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?

ï Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.

ï Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.

ï Lesbian Week continues: Joan Jett and Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.

ï No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the same room together. Luigi, though, sure.

1. This depicts Tom's insanity quite well–he attempts to start a chicken fight with Oprah, seemingly unaware and unconcerned that they are neither on the shoulders of teammates nor in a swimming pool.

2. "Scientology rules!!!"

3. He . . . he . . . he's jumping on the furniture. He's jumping on the furniture. What else can you say? He is jumping on the furniture.

4. Cruise explains how he heterosexually does Katie "from behind", and mimes the act for good measure.

5. K-Hole, noting that Cruise is tied up taping a television show, sees her chance to escape and makes a desperate run for it. Little does she know that Cruise's minions alert him via the patented Hubbardchipô in his brain, and he dashes to nab his fresh-faced prey.

6. Tom shames his captured game by forcing her to parade her crusty foodhole before a live studio audience. Victory!

What's that, children? You're not content with plain old pictures? You want to see Tom in motion? Well, okay, but it ain't a talkie, so 23 skidoo, pally boy.

Katie Holmes! Naked! At MrSkin.com.