"They're fucking idiots . . . they're small, noisy, smelly, small, devil brats! They take too much time and they cry all the time. Many people become so boring when they get kids, they seem to want to take over the house you live in. You have to be quiet when the babies are asleep . . . fuck that! It's my house and I am the boss in my house."

But, see, you can't really fault Noel for saying such douchebaggy things about his kid, because he was talking to a Norwegian newspaper and he thought the printed version would look something like this:

Reporter: B¯rk B¯rk B¯rk?
Noel: B¯rk B¯rk, B¯rk B¯rk B¯rk. B¯rk [Ha ha].

Wait, we're thinking of Sweden, not Norway. Whatever. We failed high-school geography class because the teacher was hot and we were too busy picturing her naked.

ï Joaquin Phoenix: method actor.

ï When you litter, Patrick Swayze turns his weather-beaten, spiritual face to the skies and weeps a solitary tear.

ï Paris Hilton gets her stoolbox hosed out.

ï Oasis member Noel Gallagher calls Jack White "Zorro on doughnuts". And, well, uh, he's kinda got a point there.

ï A stripper had drunken floor sex with David Arquette. Strippers have low standards.

ï And Mariah Carey has an employee who helps her lift those pesky beverages to her parched lips. Don't snicker–the strawmaster probably makes more than you.