CelebNewsWire» nip slips Archives – CelebNewsWire

Shauna Sand Promotes Sex Tape with Maternal Nip Slip

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:25:13 +0000

Moms are so embarrassing when you’re 12. During Thanksgiving dinner, they loudly ask you if you’ve started your period yet. They chaperone your spring fling dance and do the Roger Rabbit. They mention your childhood bed wetting problem in front of your crush. But all this pales in comparison to the anguish suffered by the daughters of Shauna Sand every day. Worrying about your mom wearing sweatpants to the store is one thing, dealing with your mom’s sewn-on, Raggedy Ann style nipple hopping out of its crocheted tit hammock while you’re in the seat next to her is a whole ‘nother ball of surgical tape.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter the NSFW cut.

Down by the river that flows by the coal yards
Stands wooden houses with shutters torn down
There lives a girl everybody calls Patches
Patches, my darling of old shantytown.

Grab your needle and thread and sew a nipple onto our Facebook page!

Eva Mendes Promotes Underwear, Nipple

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:17:00 +0000

Eva Mendes has a movie in production called You Look Nice Today. The same might be said for Eva herself, especially when she is greased up like a shoat at the state fair and grabbing at a dude’s woody. PopEater reports:

A giant Calvin Klein billboard starring a sweaty and nearly naked Eva Mendes is stopping traffic in New York City. In the ad, the ‘Hitch’ actress is wearing a sheer bra and tugging at an equally slippery male model’s briefs.

“As much as I love advertising, it’s gonna cause an accident. It’s just right over the top,” [said a resident].

Oh, right over the top, you say? Like, for example, a nipple over the top of one’s shirt? Such a thing is a joy. Such a thing is after the cut.

This happened last night in New York at a screening of Bad Lieutenant. So if an observer thinks a photograph of Eva in her underwear will cause an accident, entire civilizations probably collapsed after Eva’s nipple honked out of her top. Just look back at history. Pompeiians didn’t get killed because of a volcano. Some dame’s hooter flew out of her toga and they all drowned in their own goof juice and that is a fact.

NippleLynne McNip

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:24:37 +0000

Ah, the life of a celebrated thespian! The long hours spent poring over scripts. The dedication to the craft that allows one to spend hours, days even, getting inside the head of one’s character. The natural talent that gives one easy access to one’s emotions. The discussions with the director over the character’s motivation. The leaning over, allowing one’s fat, baby-thumb nipple to squint out from ‘neath an American Apparel deep V tee. After the cut. AnnaLynne McCord nipple. Or would that be NiPpLe?

At this point, we know nothing of AnnaLynne other than the fact that her nips have some sort of shirt-repelling force field around them. They’re better actors than she is. I heard one of them played Laurey AND Aunt Eller in its high school production of Oklahoma! True story.

Nip it up with us on Twitter.

Well, Those Are New

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:09:54 +0000

So if you were to sit down and make out a laundry list of ways to improve Amy Winehouse, what would you include? Cortisone cream would be on there, sure. A new pair of shoes. Fresh ideas for songwriting, that’s a good one. Oh, and not smoking crack. That’d work. But of all the things Amy could do to improve her situation, she picked getting plastic crapbags crammed into her chest cavity, and after the cut, she debuts her fake rack by pulling a Tara Reid.

Earlier this month, it was rumored that Amy got fakies. We didn’t believe it at first, because throughout the impetigo and the domestic violence and the bulimia and the PCP, her boobs are the one (two?) things that have always looked pretty healthy. But her dad confirmed it, according to PopCrunch:

“I don’t know. I didn’t have to pay for it — that’s all I know,” Mitch explained. “Whenever I see her, she says, ‘Dad can you give me a couple of hundred.’ [But] I didn’t have to pay for the boobs. I don’t know.”

Well, happy Halloween, everybody. Slap two bolts on the side of those things and paint ‘em green and you’ve got a real horror fest.

All boobs, all the time. Follow us on Twitter.

Victoria’s Secret Models Fight for Accidental-Nudity Domination

Agent E. — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:19:41 +0000

We love supermodels. They’re so pretty. And they’re so good at following orders. When a photographer says, “Take your top off, love,” (because photographers are classy and, therefore, British) it’s very likely that she’s going to do it. Hell, if she’s Kate Moss she probably won’t even wait for the photographer to ask. But even when they keep their clothes on, those clothes usually don’t cover very much. Today we’re bringing you a double shot of accidental Victoria’s Secret model skin. Miranda Kerr over there was so excited to be getting her pretty picture taken on top of a building that her nipple jumped clear out of her top. Then, as if to outdo her fellow lingerie donner, Marisa Miller flashed her whole ass while changing clothes for the new Victoria’s Secret catalog. So who wins? You, obviously. But also Marisa, because ass beats accidental nipple. But hopefully Miranda has a competitive streak and won’t take this loss well. Maybe then she’ll show up for the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show wearing only garter belts. After the cut, Marisa Miller’s ass and Miranda Kerr’s nipple.

One Lily Allen, Two Nip Slips, One Upskirt

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:58:29 +0000

The other week, Lily Allen posted on her blog that she was leaving the music industry. Then she immediately removed the entry and her rep backpedaled with all the force of Lance Armstrong. Lily’s new pet project is railing against file-sharing. Wahhhh, I don’t understand technology! Waaahhh, 10 people downloaded my album so I can’t buy an extra vial of cocaine on my Carribbean vacation with Kate Moss! Cry us a river, Lars Ulrich. Welcome to 2000. And John McClure, the singer for the band The Reverend and the Makers, recently blasted Lily:

“What upsets me is last week Lily Allen came out and said, ‘We’ve got to campaign against file sharing. We’re going to tell politicians to shut down kids’ internets.’ What a crying shame it is that all you can get angry or upset about is kids taking your music.

“The thing with Lily is, I think when you get your nipples out in a magazine and you’re trying to make serious political comment with the government, you’re putting yourself in a silly position.”

Lily’s response is under the cut.

Lily went out on the town in London this weekend, as she is wont to do, and ended up slipping a nip, as she is also wont to do. And then slipped the other one. Normally we’d all be jazzed that she inadvertently showed both of her yabbos, but Lily has an auxiliary third nipple so we’re only 2/3 of the way to Lily Allen topless. Basically what we’re saying is that she’s a complete prude.

Shock the Monk-ey

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:18:53 +0000

One might argue that these Sophie Monk tit slip pics are candid and totally not staged. That same person would have to argue that wearing the straps of a U.S. mail harness into the ocean without any sort of adhesive and then having one’s entire yoinker flop out conveniently in front of a professional photographer while wearing a full face of artfully applied makeup is an everyday occurrence. I mean, for glamorous and mysterious people like the CelebNewsWire staff, it is. But not for boring Muggles like you.

Snip snip! The teat lies under the cut.

There are bikinis, monokinis. and tankinis. WTF kind of kini is this? Titkini.

AnnaLynne McCord Makes 90210 Must See TitV

Agent E. — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:10:47 +0000

We are never going to like AnnaLynne McCord. It’s not really anything against her as a person. It’s her damn parents’ fault. Because there is no reason that in the course of typing a person’s name we should have to use the shift key four times. It causes ire in us akin to people making us listen to Bjork. Really, we should probably spend our time getting annoyed by things with more social import, like crime rates, or things we can possibly change, like a big pile of dirty laundry, but that’s just not how we operate. Instead, while we’re looking at AnnLynne’s slipped nipple, we’re muttering to ourselves. “Damn stupid nipple. It should have just stayed in that dumb dress. It’s such as asshole for popping out like that. Now we’re going to have to type her dumb name on our dumb website in a dumb story for dumb people to read. And we’re going to have to type four capital letters every time we mention her name. God.” But really, we should focus on the positive here. Nipple! Out of its fabric casing! Being caught by a deft photographer! These are good things, right? OK, let’s do that. After the cut, nipple. From that girl with four capital letters in her name.

Rihanna Gets Stuck

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:29:18 +0000

Everything we've ever needed to know, we've learned from Disney movies. Siamese cats are assholes, the circus is a cold cruel place, especially for elephants, the right shoe can turn a girl into a straight-up princess, and if a woman has starfish on her tits, she's probably a mermaid. Therefore, Rihanna is a mermaid. We're logical!

BOOP!

Inspector S. (CNW Admin) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:37:36 +0000

"Smile" singer Lily Allen is such a goddamn good time. She's cute, she's funny, she sings good, she hates Perez Hilton, she makes fun of everyone, she drinks more than Hasselhoff at a White Castle and she is always pulling her squeakers out. In the last two days, she's shown her stuff twice–once on the beach and once at some event. The event pics are cool because besides the nip slip, she's standing next to a sign that inexplicably reads "ANAL". The beach pics are cool because her boobs are so delightfully pert. It makes you want to reach out a finger and poke one while saying, "BOOP!"

The good stuff–the NSFW stuff–is after the cut.

Anal-yze this:

Poke. "BOOP!" Poke. "BOOP!" Poke. "BOOP!" Poke. "BOOP!"