ï Kendra Wilkinson says she sneaked some contraband penis into the Playboy mansion. (Yeeeah!)

ï Victoria Beckham models for Armani skivvies; miraculously does not look like a praying mantis while doing so. (Anything Hollywood)

ï Did Paula Abdul get her schnozz whacked?
(Cityrag)

ï Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey spice up their sex life with provocative dancing. Unfortunately, it's Jim who's sporting the unitard. (Evil Beet)

ï You should probably watch the premiere of The Beast tonight. If you don't, Patrick Swayze will get sad and die. (Seriously OMG WTF)

ï Hey, it's Nicollette Sheridan in her underdrawers. Wouldja lookit that. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were trapped under the same roof and it didn't even end up in a bloody dance-off. Mature! (Holy Moly)

Even though Nicolette Sheridan and David Spade have yet to verbally confirm that theyíre a couple, the pair let their body language do the talking on Friday night.

The Desperate Housewives star was celebrating her 45th birthday at new L.A. hot spot Luau in Beverly Hills ó the same place they were spotted together a few weeks ago at the grand opening ó and onlookers tell OK!, ìNicolette and David were full-on making out!î

The duo arrived separately and even started the dinner at separate booths but couldnít resist each other for long! According to witnesses, Spade winked at Sheridan and stood at her side while she blew out the candles on her cake. After that, the two retreated to a booth where they cuddled and kissed.

Out of all the Saturday Night Live alumni, who would have guess that Spade would end up the #1 cocksman pulling quality trim like Heather Locklear and Nicollette. Next, Joe Piscopo will starting dating Jessica Alba and we'll see Jennifer Aniston sharing spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style with Rich Hall. Who will write a Sniglet about it. "Slurpghetti: (n) when you're slurping spaghetti with the star of Friends and then you kiss the star of Friends P.S. I'M BANGING JENNIFER ANISTON THE STAR OF FRIENDS", it will read.

See Miss Nicollette Sheridan nude at MrSkin.com.

ï Mischa Barton got arrested for DUI and drug possession. Way to be Scrooges, cops. (TMZ)

ï Fergie is engaged! To a man, even! Flossy, flossy. (A Socialite's Life)

ï Jessica Alba is also engaged. Awwww, now her baby won't be a bastard. Cute! (Derek Hail)

ï Robin Wright and Sean Penn are not engaged, however. In fact, they are getting a divorce. Perhaps she finally got a glimpse of him in the cold hard light of day. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

ï Et tu, Brendan Fraser and wife? Oh, Encino Man, why can't you and your onion field hair plugs make love last? (Celebitchy)

ï The sirer of Jamie Lynn Spears's unborn doohicky might not be Casey Aldridge. It might, instead, be Kevin Federline. Juuuuuust kidding, it's some old dude. (Yeeeah!)

ï Gaze upon these photos of Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini and be revived. And then note sadly that Michael Bolton is the master of that body, and shrivel, groaning in pain. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï Sharon Stone trots out those nips for a trip around the block. (Celeb Warship)

ï Lindsay Lohan might as well face it, she's addicted to dong. (Egotastic!)

ï Leelee Sobieski. TeeTee Boobichesti. (The Blemish)

"She's absolutely glowing and her pregnancy is the buzz of the set. She kept asking Felicity and Marcia about how the pregnancy would change her appearance and if it would make her hair thinner."

Well, it's good to know that even through the magic of new life, Nicolette is still lookin' out for number one. "Hey, Nicolette, congratulations on your new baby! Is it a boy or a girl?" "I dunno. STOP LOOKING AT MY SCALP! YOU CAN SEE MY SCALP, CAN'T YOU? CAN'T YOU!?!?!?!?!?"

Sheridan share-idans her naked bod! At MrSkin.com.

For much more Nicolette nip o' tit, go straight to MrSkin.com.

ï Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

ï Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

ï Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

ï Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

ï Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

ï The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

ï We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

ï Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

ï Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

ï K-Hole es no preggo.

ï Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.

ï Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest dating? She says she "really enjoys his company". Well, duh. He knows about all the sample sales ahead of time, and he's so fun to enjoy a decadant whipped yogurt (only 140 creamy, dreamy calories!) with, while getting a deep tissue massage!

ï OMG! Victoria's Secret is that Adriana Lima is a total virgin!!!

ï Whoa, here she comes. Watch out, boy, Lindsay Lohan will chew you up.

ï Sorry, ladies! Handsome beef-a-roni hunk Jack Black is officially off the market.

ï Sorry again, ladies! Studly demigod Michael Bolton is also officially off the market. Enjoy that, Nicolette Sheridan.

ï Jessica Alba is officially sexy, we know, but now Scarlett Johansson has been deemed certifiably pretty. Good to know.

ï "Little black book" is just one of the many practical purposes served by Pam Anderson's grotesquely colossal plastic breasts.

ï We mourn the demise of the leg man. If you're one of them, you will probably want to look into Paulina Rubio. Damn, that tomato's got some nice pegs.

ï Paris Hilton prepares to get back to 1985 after harnessing a bolt of lightning hitting the clock tower.

"Making love to her was always a struggle. Nicolette isn't very keen on sex. The few times we did make love, her performance was not good. As a lover, I'd rate her two out of ten for technique and passion . . . The last eight months we were together I can count the number of times we made love almost on one hand. She seemed to prefer cuddling up to her golden retriever puppy, Oliver, than cuddling up to me."

Yeah, but you're the guy who stuck with (and proposed to!) a woman who kept her bidnizz as one keeps a rusty crypt for eight months. And now she's shacking up with the hilarious yet probably well-off (thank you, middle-aged women of the USA) Michael Bolton, and Nick Soderblom has to go back to being Nick Soderblom, whose only acting credit is "Juice Bar Attendant" on an episode of Spin City. Advantage: Sheridan.

Sorry, Nick, but your ex looks very hot and very naked at MrSkin.com.

So if you feel the desire to paste Nicolette's head onto the body of a woman who is fucking a donkey, make sure the woman is smoking hot and not 250 pounds with saggy tits and a prison tattoo that says "Born to Ride Me." Otherwise your ass is getting is sued.

That's definitely Nicolette's bod at MrSkin.com, but she's not screwing a donkey.