ï Can't lose that last stubborn five pounds? Get gastric band surgery! Courtney Love did. (Yeeeah!)

ï Pics from Britney Spears's new video for "Womanizer". Lots o' wigs, and not a batty pink one amongst them. (Pop on the Pop)

ï Madonna bans Sarah Palin from attending her shows. Because Sarah Palin is a really huge fan of Breathless Mahoney and the video for "Justify My Love". (Daily Stab)

ï Miley Cyrus makes out with Minnie Mouse. Because that's just how she rolls, man. (Drunken Stepfather)

ï David Duchovny and his heat-seeking wang released back onto an unsuspecting pubic. Public. (IDLYITW)

ï Lauren Bacall calls Tom Cruise "vulgar", "sick", "ridiculous", and "a maniac". You forgot "short", Betty. (Exposay)

ï Nick Nolte's house burned down, and NO, it wasn't because he dropped a doob onto the bed, jerk. (PopCrunch)

ï Pete Doherty wants to perform in a rat-filled coffin. When asked for comment, rats said, "Ew, disgusting." (NME)

ï A party at the Playboy Mansion inspires Anna Faris to greater heights of promiscuity. (Mr. Skin)

ï Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But not forgetting the nipple patches. Damn you, Kristen Bell. (Don't Link This)

TMZ obtained these photos taken by one of Nolte's fellow passengers, who told us that the incoherent actor drifted in and out of consciousness on the airport floor for more than two hours Monday night, after their flight was delayed because of engine problems.

According to the source, Nolte was still extremely friendly despite his groggy state — chatting with fans and allowing passengers to snap photos, however, he wasn't entirely functional. "At one point we helped him put a dollar in the vending machine."

That was nice of them. Given his state, we're surprised people weren't pulling out their nuts, laying them on Nolte's head and snapping pictures. But–HEY, WAIT A DANG MINUTE HERE . . .